實在是個很難三言兩語說完的話題。649Please respect copyright.PENANAIjKtM4vjbc
當一件事情已經深深融入了生命,而且被再三思考過它的存在意義,到突然要我去把它描述出來,實在有點反應不來,深怕言之無物,又怕糟蹋了剖析它的機會。649Please respect copyright.PENANAl1qIvTSZHH
形容生命的本質本來就是一種消耗生命的活動。649Please respect copyright.PENANAZcbXUYEjei
對於一個生命力脆弱的我,談論寫作實在是在玩火,不過姑且就引火自焚一次吧!649Please respect copyright.PENANAfA9WVy4LVX
***649Please respect copyright.PENANA5LUAEwomPm
第一次寫作的嘗試是在小一的時候,那時候寫了一個個小故事在紙片上,同學們竟賞面如圖書館借書般借閱去了,這是我第一次遇見愛說故事的謊言領主。649Please respect copyright.PENANAzcSu8e0Avp
謊言領主給了我兩條路,畫畫或者寫作,對比起來寫作實在容易上手得多,於是就寫作吧!649Please respect copyright.PENANACCAXyXKTpZ
它無害的笑容實在吸引,有誰能抵抗它的誘拐呢?649Please respect copyright.PENANAWt40WhF7fN
那時我還未有精神健康的問題,創作的過程是愉悅的,生命的一切都看似美好和無毒。649Please respect copyright.PENANARTlVoSLwyJ
然而某日,我心裡的某個零件就停止了轉動,壞掉了,從齒輪中離群,一下掉入了水底,水都黑了,深黑到無窮之中。649Please respect copyright.PENANAJEKQvjpjvS
突然之間,寫作向我揭示了它的本體。649Please respect copyright.PENANANV9GZgSg8f
突然之間,寫作變得很難。649Please respect copyright.PENANAiHICH9G0G2
我現在寫作一篇五千至一萬字的短篇故事,大概需要半年的時間,當中觸及的創傷太嚴重,無力詳述,只得簡化為如下規律:649Please respect copyright.PENANA6KSqLsdTRy
想到好玩的點子649Please respect copyright.PENANA0vKfG3706I
開始下墜了。649Please respect copyright.PENANASIcJB0VmG6
搜集資料649Please respect copyright.PENANAlTCghvV705
然後我越墜越深。649Please respect copyright.PENANAgSHixRLuI5
開始寫作649Please respect copyright.PENANAIo8kiSLuc8
痛苦,掙扎,否定自己,長期處於脫力狀態,床上痛哭,孤立自己,夜夜惡夢,再痛哭,感覺自己很髒 …… 649Please respect copyright.PENANA7Ph9GFOiRO
太髒了 ……649Please respect copyright.PENANAAeMYGjSWqK
為甚麼你沒有死?649Please respect copyright.PENANAzp4ePONMs1
寫作結束649Please respect copyright.PENANAGVnExUUyFs
從六個月的低落中回彈,突然覺得自己是無所不能的,不用睡覺也很精神。649Please respect copyright.PENANAinOXLBrmUi
可惜寫作為我帶來的快樂只能保質三天。649Please respect copyright.PENANA3DKfXGhA9b
然後又是下一個迴圈了。649Please respect copyright.PENANAYEgH5Fu6VD
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你說寫作是救了我還是在殺死我呢?649Please respect copyright.PENANAxs4ucN61Po
但我已離不開了你呢!愛說故事的謊言領主。649Please respect copyright.PENANA0vpgkFpgMk
我成為了社工碩士,再計劃將來在精神病專業上進攻博士學位,大概都是為了瞭解人心,為了故事。649Please respect copyright.PENANA4lmGxCvFjO
同時為了我的死亡。649Please respect copyright.PENANAiAYLUssPSK
寫作即是自我毀滅。649Please respect copyright.PENANA9o1tCsImAl
我別無出路。649Please respect copyright.PENANAEUvhLcRNvg