實在是個很難三言兩語說完的話題。640Please respect copyright.PENANAPceFh9mZt4
當一件事情已經深深融入了生命,而且被再三思考過它的存在意義,到突然要我去把它描述出來,實在有點反應不來,深怕言之無物,又怕糟蹋了剖析它的機會。640Please respect copyright.PENANAGZ4GmYp22F
形容生命的本質本來就是一種消耗生命的活動。640Please respect copyright.PENANAxqnkg4y8rE
對於一個生命力脆弱的我,談論寫作實在是在玩火,不過姑且就引火自焚一次吧!640Please respect copyright.PENANA36pLGju3lA
***640Please respect copyright.PENANA4X0bdR4FXB
第一次寫作的嘗試是在小一的時候,那時候寫了一個個小故事在紙片上,同學們竟賞面如圖書館借書般借閱去了,這是我第一次遇見愛說故事的謊言領主。640Please respect copyright.PENANApNlPe8uVtX
謊言領主給了我兩條路,畫畫或者寫作,對比起來寫作實在容易上手得多,於是就寫作吧!640Please respect copyright.PENANAFJmiRyJcBP
它無害的笑容實在吸引,有誰能抵抗它的誘拐呢?640Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4LfVC4DDQ
那時我還未有精神健康的問題,創作的過程是愉悅的,生命的一切都看似美好和無毒。640Please respect copyright.PENANA1ilUiii9CH
然而某日,我心裡的某個零件就停止了轉動,壞掉了,從齒輪中離群,一下掉入了水底,水都黑了,深黑到無窮之中。640Please respect copyright.PENANAb6NW8FbA2z
突然之間,寫作向我揭示了它的本體。640Please respect copyright.PENANAhtJeLfrwkN
突然之間,寫作變得很難。640Please respect copyright.PENANAxASeyZlIvG
我現在寫作一篇五千至一萬字的短篇故事,大概需要半年的時間,當中觸及的創傷太嚴重,無力詳述,只得簡化為如下規律:640Please respect copyright.PENANAA8C0lHDa0x
想到好玩的點子640Please respect copyright.PENANADSHptP7d0X
開始下墜了。640Please respect copyright.PENANADBiPzZJBJM
搜集資料640Please respect copyright.PENANAoD0VDyboB2
然後我越墜越深。640Please respect copyright.PENANAGPMfQ9FE78
開始寫作640Please respect copyright.PENANADlZMwAj9e9
痛苦,掙扎,否定自己,長期處於脫力狀態,床上痛哭,孤立自己,夜夜惡夢,再痛哭,感覺自己很髒 …… 640Please respect copyright.PENANAicf6jrHBZN
太髒了 ……640Please respect copyright.PENANAX01YL10C42
為甚麼你沒有死?640Please respect copyright.PENANAErkX37wkfW
寫作結束640Please respect copyright.PENANA8SB0BJe4hJ
從六個月的低落中回彈,突然覺得自己是無所不能的,不用睡覺也很精神。640Please respect copyright.PENANAeKNYHykPrL
可惜寫作為我帶來的快樂只能保質三天。640Please respect copyright.PENANAmJe6ve3wRj
然後又是下一個迴圈了。640Please respect copyright.PENANAb9XEsjDOAt
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你說寫作是救了我還是在殺死我呢?640Please respect copyright.PENANAwuReA17KJ2
但我已離不開了你呢!愛說故事的謊言領主。640Please respect copyright.PENANAoASS6KzX6n
我成為了社工碩士,再計劃將來在精神病專業上進攻博士學位,大概都是為了瞭解人心,為了故事。640Please respect copyright.PENANAfOrAFlIlox
同時為了我的死亡。640Please respect copyright.PENANAKTmJ9NTR2a
寫作即是自我毀滅。640Please respect copyright.PENANAYczE0PchRH
我別無出路。640Please respect copyright.PENANAAhxVfPjwj1