「你是誰?」你問我,口腔滲出一陣濃烈酒氣。458Please respect copyright.PENANAEo52yl1Ouf
458Please respect copyright.PENANAgRMqheK1iW
「我是『我』。」酒過三巡,我迷糊地交出自以為最好的答案,不想在高深的你面前出洋相。458Please respect copyright.PENANAsh1wULJWj0
458Please respect copyright.PENANABE2Xcuukcq
你竊笑,讚我很可愛,但也給我一個小建議:「你該答『我是花姑娘』。」458Please respect copyright.PENANANzgTPlEMhJ
458Please respect copyright.PENANAqRONMbFBWt
「我的答案有錯麼?」望著你象牙白的西裝,我鼓起兩腮,深深不忿。458Please respect copyright.PENANAoKtC89j4ro
458Please respect copyright.PENANA0btT4MklUj
「沒有錯。不過沒意義。」你輕托我的下巴,就像要小貓咪抬頭那樣肆意。458Please respect copyright.PENANAxnN6IbPhG7
458Please respect copyright.PENANAi4BY6p31FD
「若果,『我是我』是一件沒意義的事,難道『我是花姑娘』會更有意義?」我不解,頭痛欲裂,不得不放下酒杯。後仰在黑皮椅背,瞇眼捕捉閃爍迷人的水晶燈光,細思何謂意義。458Please respect copyright.PENANAfSd8FaHO7O
458Please respect copyright.PENANAFFlQ7RZe9J
「當然!做『花姑娘』能賺取收入。有收入,才能養活自己。養活自己,才能繼續思考做『我』是否真的沒意義。當『我』沒收入、活不了,那做『我』的意義,不也不存在了嗎?」說得興起,你竟變成小孩子,嬉皮笑臉,失儀地跪在地上,一頭埋在我的大腿間,在黑底碎花的絲質祺袍上磨蹭,嘟嚷著:「先讓我稍息一會。今晚才告訴你,做『花姑娘』的意義!」458Please respect copyright.PENANAD74tUAGekw
458Please respect copyright.PENANAwrldsvEjxk
「好。我等你。」我低頭微笑,笑你伶牙俐齒。你的牙齒白得發亮,很好看。458Please respect copyright.PENANAUS7lJPxQoZ
458Please respect copyright.PENANADg4JyvNZmu
我和你赤條條地在床上水乳交融。二元,一體,互化。458Please respect copyright.PENANAolmKpB26Ay
458Please respect copyright.PENANA66BC7JUO71
將我壓在胯下,你在我耳邊輕輕吹氣:「領略到意義沒?」458Please respect copyright.PENANA4wcWXKRhhF
458Please respect copyright.PENANAOGZ5wU0ZMx
分不清你是有心或無意,發問的同時,你竟對我施力,讓我嬌喘得吐不出話來。458Please respect copyright.PENANAwXqkML66cz
458Please respect copyright.PENANAKDVrWeW9UZ
「那就繼續想想吧!」你是塗滿毒藥裡的蜜餞,給我歡愉,給我傷害。458Please respect copyright.PENANAbVt9OjJmXO
458Please respect copyright.PENANAeW2LY5Ocwp
我不明白自己何以會對你如此著迷,正如我不明白自己何以會對「我」產生執迷。458Please respect copyright.PENANAmUT93UQt56
458Please respect copyright.PENANAnoixjc1YK7
這種執迷,萌芽於青澀的年華。曾經,救國救民是生存的唯一意義,也是我和你之間的唯一話題。458Please respect copyright.PENANAHuxqY9R8p2
458Please respect copyright.PENANAMOaLpxRqAD
那一天,報章上的戰爭消息刺激了你。你氣得咬牙切齒,喊打喊殺,發誓要打倒入侵者的國,殺他們片甲不留。我欣賞你的志氣,但我不識趣地補充一句:「當然要把他們打走、要他們道歉和賠償,卻絕不能對他們生起趕盡殺絕之意!」458Please respect copyright.PENANAW2OCENYoBE
458Please respect copyright.PENANAsj2w3Mjs3S
火燒心,懷著剎那的衝動,你摑了我一記耳光,咆哮大叫:「難道你要等他們再殺回來?」話語間,恐懼多於仇恨,情感多於理智。458Please respect copyright.PENANAByWBLKZ5ax
458Please respect copyright.PENANAdjQK7u00gi
「哪會殺得盡?你看!他們不也是想將我國滅掉,我倆不也是好好的站在這裡,商討如何反擊!同樣,我國亦沒能將他們根除。結果就是他們會好好的站在那邊,商討如何反擊我國!」我掩著滾燙的臉蛋,強抑眼淚:「我們想到的,他們也會想到。」458Please respect copyright.PENANAsKWJk4QyrL
458Please respect copyright.PENANA2BpkjX4TP4
「不要將我們和他們混為一談!」你的語氣略為收斂,眼神沒有剛才的兇狠,負面情緒盡洩在報紙之上:「也不要將我和你混為一談。」458Please respect copyright.PENANAfHK9ZC3khT
458Please respect copyright.PENANAWAJmwdAYhg
報紙碎成漫天飛花,就像旗袍上的碎花那樣淒楚。458Please respect copyright.PENANAp7HYbLr3ta
458Please respect copyright.PENANAEJmMHeYFjE
完事後,你躺在床上,閉目養神。我也沒有睡,側著身子,背對著你,面對著旗袍上的碎花圖案。458Please respect copyright.PENANATjGA0zT3bq
458Please respect copyright.PENANAZeyly2RJlb
我的旗袍是溫柔謐靜的黑,上邊有細細碎碎、白裡透紅的桃花圖案。那點微弱的紅,像憤怒的眼,又像無力的血。458Please respect copyright.PENANAoRcEhmLtzV
458Please respect copyright.PENANAnihIJVifhe
那一朝早,天還沒有亮得透,泛著教人倒胃口的魚肚白色。我被急促的敲門聲吵醒了,匆匆忙忙整理衣衫,應門去。門後是焦急如焚的你。你說大馬路那邊出亂子,需要大家聲援。458Please respect copyright.PENANAnhPvFyQQtF
458Please respect copyright.PENANAAgOa6hhC6n
我擦著惺忪睡眼,迷迷糊糊跟你去。路上,遇到不同院校的學生,大家同樣神色凝重,快步急步疾步,步向遊行大隊,加入其中。差不多的髮型,近乎一式一樣的衣著,同樣的年輕熱血,再也分不出我你他。458Please respect copyright.PENANA2FdumNF6q7
458Please respect copyright.PENANAehtT0RaHwM
同喊口號,同舉旗幟,來到大馬路。458Please respect copyright.PENANAnpgo0FHMsN
458Please respect copyright.PENANAEatLz3bC4N
我隊當中,不知是誰,用激昂的聲調,喊出沙啞不清的一句說話。我聽不到那人在喊甚麼,相信附近的人也聽不見。但在氛圍的感染下,我隊中人紛紛叫好。氣氛越炒越烈,在場眾人相繼紅了眼。458Please respect copyright.PENANAve3N2le95w
458Please respect copyright.PENANA5mYyy3JGrj
你額角青筋暴現,眼睛滿佈血絲,仇視著我隊以外的所有人。你只看到張張醜惡的臉,卻對多支火槍視而不見。458Please respect copyright.PENANAl0FrU133Uf
458Please respect copyright.PENANAvIBv4ricN1
槍聲四起,我隊陣營被打散,你我齊齊奔向小巷。百多步的距離,成了一輩子的夢魘。混亂間,我被硬物擊傷頭部,血流成河。458Please respect copyright.PENANAoPEKfwA9lx
458Please respect copyright.PENANApw1Hx1grvc
你死抱著我,拼命將我拖離混世。隨著血水流失,我的身體變得不聽喚。想跑,卻跑不動。458Please respect copyright.PENANA2SsOYhhnVh
458Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9Mo3JyzAm
我首次體驗到意識和身體的分離。458Please respect copyright.PENANA2kTXpeOxAf
458Please respect copyright.PENANASxHPoZ7te1
分離以後,我的意識是「我」嗎?我的身體是「我」嗎?只有完整的我,才是「我」?如果我缺了手或缺了腳,我是「我」嗎?如果我的心意改變了,我是「我」嗎?變了調的我,是「我」嗎?若然,曾經的我是「我」嗎?現在的我也是「我」嗎?458Please respect copyright.PENANATEmZPDrYwR
458Please respect copyright.PENANAUIF2yx6fSi
意識中的連串問題,隨著身體的無力而陷入一片帶紅的黑。458Please respect copyright.PENANAFTrmIwOPVn
458Please respect copyright.PENANAMCfPPyLPAt
「在想甚麼?」你的臉湊近我的裸背,鼻息噴得我背癢癢的:「還沒找到意義嗎?」458Please respect copyright.PENANAfYRNcpe84P
458Please respect copyright.PENANARBAPvgEsdP
我轉身,沒回話,隨你把臉埋在我的胸脯間。你的潔白牙齒愛調戲我的黑色乳頭。458Please respect copyright.PENANAceMINcPmMy
458Please respect copyright.PENANAkcoBgJcKBp
「為何偏要這麼辛苦?」你的臉向上游移,移到我的眼角,吻走我的苦淚。「何不乾脆接受我告訴你的答案?」458Please respect copyright.PENANAqFZm2D1naJ
458Please respect copyright.PENANADcgkIhHlhM
「因為那是你的答案,不是我的。」我愛你,因而拒絕將自己變成你。458Please respect copyright.PENANAEPki7Itfok
458Please respect copyright.PENANAl6OqVdkFwg
你眼珠子一轉,神色又再變得鬼馬:「其實,答案一早存在於你心間。若不知道自己的答案,你何以會知道我的答案和你的答案不同?」你反問,想把我擊倒。458Please respect copyright.PENANAYzc0pub2H2
458Please respect copyright.PENANAD0fZEFDiIt
「這是取巧。藉著否定你的答案來肯定我的答案。」我莞爾一笑,用指尖挑一挑他的耳珠:「若果你不在我的身邊,我豈不是沒能找到答案?」458Please respect copyright.PENANAVIvuXtpq7N
458Please respect copyright.PENANAsFIL4KEjtg
「我怎會不在你身邊?」你吻著我,讓我感受到自己的存在。「這些年,我一直在你身邊。」458Please respect copyright.PENANAPq7eo9BhIT
458Please respect copyright.PENANA1Dq3vWVkn9
十年。當身邊眾人以不同形式離棄我時,只有你仍在我身邊。我們攜手由熱血的學生,蛻變成繁華盛世的犧牲品。458Please respect copyright.PENANAfchsHh2FJI
458Please respect copyright.PENANAwa58yNiIB6
你唸誦《雙城記》的名句:「那是最好的時代,那是最壞的時代;那是智慧的時代,那是愚蠢的時代;那是信任的時代,那是懷疑的時代;那是光明的季節,那是黑暗的季節;那是希望之春,那是絕望之冬;我們應有盡有,我們一無所有;我們直奔天堂,我們直奔地獄…」458Please respect copyright.PENANAFJC90LD80z
458Please respect copyright.PENANAxpQbWtxaHS
沒有我們的卑賤,就沒有他們的高貴。我們的卑賤成就他們的高貴。卑賤的我們比高貴的他們更高貴,高貴的他們比卑賤的我們更卑賤。458Please respect copyright.PENANAeQw3oiULOu
458Please respect copyright.PENANAySTuGCBu8M
你突然翻起被鋪,扶起我。牽我手,輕托我的背,和我踏起「慢三步」。漆黑的房間,反射白月光的人體。烏亮的煩惱絲,白晳的皮膚。深不見底的黑瞳,水潤亮麗的眼白。458Please respect copyright.PENANAMzVKbch0hh
458Please respect copyright.PENANAi5h6a5p069
「藉著『你』,能體驗『我』的存在?」我依偎在你結實的胸膛。458Please respect copyright.PENANA7F6YL4zoI8
458Please respect copyright.PENANArJeJrfSOAe
你沒開腔,默默地用心跳聲作答。458Please respect copyright.PENANAKTWjzcpJKO
458Please respect copyright.PENANAIwMzSLPsha
世界歸於寧靜。不消一會,你已然入睡。我則呆望窗外銀月,思考你的說話。458Please respect copyright.PENANASAG7VeY3c5
458Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5NWlyfT6m
難道,如你所言,我一直找不到「我」,是因為我沒試過藉由「你」去體驗「我」?如果「我」是確實存在的,那又何需要藉「你」的存在去體驗?除非你我本為一體,沒有你,就沒有我。458Please respect copyright.PENANAXurKTNMQxF
458Please respect copyright.PENANAmW8xFv0ZId
對。如果當日沒有你,我已然不存在。458Please respect copyright.PENANAKxJltRnWSJ
458Please respect copyright.PENANA8johb12yNL
想不懂,為何當日你不放棄我,就此逃去?在那種情況下,沒有人會怪責你。問誰都想和愛人共度每個月落日出,想和家人閒話家常,想和朋友嬉笑耍樂…人生的每個片段、每個感覺,全都構建在關係之上。這就是「藉由『你』去體驗『我』」的意思嗎?458Please respect copyright.PENANAX2zBafkcXI
458Please respect copyright.PENANATNYZtWwwqI
月落日出。你要起床上班去。我為你備好梳洗用的毛巾和溫水、暖胃的白粥與飽肚的糕點。用餐後,你頂著燙貼的短髮,穿戴整齊,準備出門去。458Please respect copyright.PENANA5gJ22wzJ1M
458Please respect copyright.PENANAHdkQzioE5D
「你今天笑得很美。」臨行前,你突然回首笑問:「想通了甚麼?」458Please respect copyright.PENANACp9ORPa2Wq
458Please respect copyright.PENANAewCRSNKtuQ
我頷首微笑。458Please respect copyright.PENANAVvzwlXyOho
458Please respect copyright.PENANAwUeAimEMsV
「要和我到街上走一轉嗎?」你豁然舒心。458Please respect copyright.PENANAmOLhzQfsXH
458Please respect copyright.PENANA2bxfSu4XZI
「不怕嗎?」我擔心自己會為你招來話柄。458Please respect copyright.PENANAzDCkzpt5Fy
458Please respect copyright.PENANAaYwFyjuE60
「誰會怕和自己上街?」你捕捉到我的思路。458Please respect copyright.PENANATCcm6jbcIj
458Please respect copyright.PENANA8S7yuK3EL6
我倆漫步大街上。晨光初耀,朝雪微溶。落在寒衣上的小雪花,有如新娘的嫁衣,純潔而動人。你嘴角微揚,懶理旁人的異樣目光,主動挽起我的手臂。輕輕一個舉動,完美填補我多年遺憾…458Please respect copyright.PENANAGgNRYKv8BF
458Please respect copyright.PENANAjmr1rC1rDG
我是個不能活在陽光底下的人。我是屬於暗黑的世界,只能在昏黃黯淡的舞池展現出最美豔的一面。絕美的花姑娘,永遠比不上你的新娘那樣美。458Please respect copyright.PENANARQg9j2ZQoM
458Please respect copyright.PENANA3h7FxKJUPs
我渴望身披白色嫁衣,頭戴白色曳地長紗,戴著白手套,手捧紅玫花束。你架著黑色大禮服,配上白襯衫、黑領結、白手套,手捧黑色高帽。我倆挽著手,在兩位儐相和親朋好友的祝福下,完成莊嚴神聖的婚禮。458Please respect copyright.PENANAXy6KBEuCDx
458Please respect copyright.PENANAQQQsEbncXs
你的家人討厭我,說我永遠沒資格成為你的妻子。你二話不說,離開家人,和我私奔,共住租來的狹小房間。你成為某外資貿易行的文員,我在大舞廳找到工作。458Please respect copyright.PENANASaGL2yBqb2
458Please respect copyright.PENANAoWvEZKtTpF
「找別的工作,不要在舞廳工作。」你介懷自己的女人和他人調情。458Please respect copyright.PENANAuPOlH2ZHa3
458Please respect copyright.PENANAsxAFjbh7fF
「頭傷以後,我的思緒極為紊亂,沒能勝任『正常』工作。我連倒夜香也幹不來呢!」我帶笑自揭瘡疤:「現在只懂說一些詩情畫意的話…」458Please respect copyright.PENANAFRdPKGkRh1
458Please respect copyright.PENANAvwSzxUxtY3
你眼泛淚光,不置可否。我的情況,你比誰都更清楚。458Please respect copyright.PENANArjpinUHHuV
458Please respect copyright.PENANABqIQidj2r1
「不要緊啊!」我沒能改變現實,只好改變自己對現實的看法:「我和你之間,不也是由詩情畫意的救國夢開始嗎?還有比救國更詩情畫意的事情嗎?」458Please respect copyright.PENANAxhtQ5BhD9M
458Please respect copyright.PENANAShxzph3zhM
「愛你才是最詩情畫意的事情!」你破涕為笑。458Please respect copyright.PENANAJRtZonc8mD
458Please respect copyright.PENANAkidTHavBUK
「詩情畫意」是「不著邊際」的雅稱。救國夢是熱血的詩詞,情愛是羅曼蒂克的畫作。掛在嘴邊,看在眼內,叫人著迷。實則不著邊際,沒有明確的套路和方法去達到完美境界。458Please respect copyright.PENANAA0BmEBADqh
458Please respect copyright.PENANAmdKrqLyNsY
讚頌家鄉河山的歌謠,照相館櫥窗裡的幸福婚照,一切都是那麼真實卻又遙遠。反而,你的面容才是世上最實在的。十年,你的娃娃臉稚氣不減。你仍是曾經的你,最愛我的你。458Please respect copyright.PENANAAZ35Z8VZbO
458Please respect copyright.PENANAmN3VUf3rQJ
「再過十年,當我年華老去,你仍會這樣愛我嗎?」我是最普通不過的小女人。害怕改變,害怕老去,害怕死去。458Please respect copyright.PENANAAOPAwmNgca
458Please respect copyright.PENANASLhhZtos4S
「只要你需要我的愛,我就會一直愛你。」你肉麻得窩心。還是現在的你較可愛,會開玩笑,懂得呵哄我。在學時期的你是一頭蠻牛,脾氣暴躁,衝動魯莽。458Please respect copyright.PENANAsqxZwViALc
458Please respect copyright.PENANAeV337CXLHh
「你是何時開始變得如此口甜舌滑?」我打趣道。458Please respect copyright.PENANAFyvXXcvuPq
458Please respect copyright.PENANAgcSoVgA1pF
你低頭望我,目無表情,臉色慘白。你眨眼的瞬間,身後現出熊熊烈火。圍著你的乾柴枝冒出濃濃黑煙,你的皮肉被薰黑、燒溶,你的脂肪滲出誘人香氣,你的森森白骨純潔無瑕。458Please respect copyright.PENANARsDUad2Vui
458Please respect copyright.PENANAe9EfRHQbSH
你的家人撿起你的骨灰,裝入小瓶內,離開。在旁偷窺的我這才敢步近,收集餘燼。雪白的你和炭黑的柴灰混和一起,再也分不清彼此。我妒忌那柴灰。458Please respect copyright.PENANAucUGAiaWD9
458Please respect copyright.PENANAteQ8WoBkKt
吞下。458Please respect copyright.PENANA3ujLy7tXAz
458Please respect copyright.PENANA7vdWVQLzEI
我要消化它,我要留住你。白皚皚的你從此留在我漆黑的體內,天荒地老。458Please respect copyright.PENANAq8jOUzhSoy
458Please respect copyright.PENANAn0VHh9iPU9
強烈的焦味自喉頭湧上腦袋。頭痛欲裂。我使力按著頭上的舊傷口,擋著將要破繭而出的殷紅。傷口裂了,溢出無力的血。濃稠黏漿,是愁人的感覺。你死抱著我,拼命將我拖向小巷。我的身體不聽喚,想跑,卻跑不動。我的意識不聽喚,想清醒,卻又模糊起來。458Please respect copyright.PENANAG4u87r2Uf9
458Please respect copyright.PENANAlxXgOoYZcN
我抬頭望你,你的腦袋同樣開了洞。赤血染紅你的眼,沿著你的臉頰往下流,滴入我雙眸。你沒有放開我,死命的拖著我,跑向小巷。458Please respect copyright.PENANAaZrfKebwyp
458Please respect copyright.PENANAarQMb2qTki
雙雙倒下。面對面,你眼望我眼。我不知道,你是否真的在望著我,抑或只是單純地瞪大了眼。458Please respect copyright.PENANAiP8sUEQgOo
458Please respect copyright.PENANA3ljsNnI0yo
我沒力氣合上眼皮。我猜,你也是。458Please respect copyright.PENANAsRr0JSrlP5
458Please respect copyright.PENANAfKd4eaTpsx
最後,我陷入一片帶紅的黑。458Please respect copyright.PENANAVD4RSdtMac
458Please respect copyright.PENANAGr6v0Hy5UH
當我恢復意識時,整個世界已然一片皚白。白布掛樑,白衣披身。唇色蒼白,臉色慘白。溪錢是蒼涼的白,燭淚是委屈的白。自此,你成了白的代名詞。458Please respect copyright.PENANASe79k6kv2z
458Please respect copyright.PENANAjrz6NI2A7k
在白茫茫的雪地上想起你,是最自然不過的事。擦身而過的每個路人都穿著白衣裳,長有你的臉。是你!是你!是你!漫天遍地均是你!美妙的時刻!我哈哈大笑起來,興奮地上前細看每個你。458Please respect copyright.PENANA2qGoMyMy0S
458Please respect copyright.PENANAzWbt4pSoAK
有些驚慌尖叫,有些敏捷地跑開,有些厭惡地推開我,有些伸手在我的胸脯上打圈轉,有些直接拉我到小巷裡去。458Please respect copyright.PENANACFEzQwBPty
458Please respect copyright.PENANAuY9Kb0HvzT
這條小巷,算是我們定情的地方吧。山盟海誓,以血為盟。血水融合了我和你、黑和白、陰和陽。你們的陽具不停在我的陰道抽插。血流成河。你們哈哈大笑,我也跟著哈哈大笑。458Please respect copyright.PENANAD7OFzNFtIC
458Please respect copyright.PENANAnUX9DOSe1o
「喜歡雪?」458Please respect copyright.PENANAPImcH0LVO9
458Please respect copyright.PENANAQdmiMK27l1
「喜歡白!」458Please respect copyright.PENANALbEcLoD52d
458Please respect copyright.PENANA3wmdSOol4f
你們往我口裡塞滿雪和白,說是給我的禮物。458Please respect copyright.PENANAUfby6dFZxp
458Please respect copyright.PENANADh48rkHM7X
我想向你們道謝,奈何開不了口。458Please respect copyright.PENANARLgghCu8hK
458Please respect copyright.PENANAusulLhZbpN
你們滿臉笑容地離開,剩下我躺在小巷裡。458Please respect copyright.PENANARWjCAM4gkC
458Please respect copyright.PENANAPcwzcOchTn
我緩緩轉頭,望去你們離開的方向。我看不見你們,但我看見了你。你也倒在地上、我的身旁。面對面,你眼望我眼。458Please respect copyright.PENANAKxk19SSpn5
458Please respect copyright.PENANAoamHgntezE
我今次知道,你真的在望著我。血流披面的你,在對我微笑。我亦報以一笑。458Please respect copyright.PENANAkbdNhQ5oWD
458Please respect copyright.PENANAH5HRJ06Fwn
「合上眼,就會找到答案。」458Please respect copyright.PENANA0RNMeGG85a
458Please respect copyright.PENANARsmak9rGaz
我旋即陷入一片帶紅的黑。8964 copyright protection454PENANA3abAJIOIO6 維尼