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Challenger 魚*
Challenger 霧飄山亭
Challenger 零兒
Challenger 月魂伶
Challengers
  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
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#2
3rd
<<海月謠.品夜花>>(上)
霧飄山亭
Jan 28, 2019
2
3
84
1 Min Read
210 Words
Comments ( 3 )
零兒 - 果然就是霧搖的詞,用字依舊綺麗柔美也不失精準,繡花、澹雲都是很美麗的詞語呢!
整首寫景非常有畫面,彷彿親臨現場呢owo~
不過啊,可以試著讓讀者看清楚句讀,排版問題罷了~~
7 months agoreply

霧飄山亭 - 先感謝評語(感動),但看了零兒大大的又看了看自己的…總覺得自己並不善長佈局…總是想甚麼便寫甚麼,沒有遞進之感…相反以你的《海月調》為例,上闕先寫水,再把水擴大成海,下闕以海襯月,海中倒月襯出月之華…總覺得你能做到層層遞進,把情感升華!!
7 months agoreply

零兒 - @霧搖山亭,一切都是不小心的罷了030....
7 months agoreply

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