第四屆宋詞挑戰自然寫景 - 《清平樂•春思》 | Penana

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第四屆宋詞挑戰自然寫景

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第四屆宋詞挑戰自然寫景

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People Who Like This

#1

《清平樂•春思》

By 子昳

Feb 1, 2019

4

76

1 Min Read

76 Words

No Plagiarism!QQ9yLzpoCucpZ6anU30uposted on PＥNAＮＡ

春雨如淚輕鎖凝愁墜

柳映鴛鴦雙戲水任浪漪漪無畏

碧湖和岸長偎景歡卻襯心悲

縱使已千回醉始未盼見君歸

80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpGfq6LARl

P.s第一次嘗試挑戰了寫詞///copyright protection76ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqP1qv9LAG

寫得沒有很好……(掩面copyright protection76ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqxHYihnHU

歡迎大大給予小的意見♡copyright protection76ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUjR0tfVwf

80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpMN7K6o8N

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4

Comments ( 21 )

醉美人 - 好厲害～

8 months ago ⋅ reply

子昳 - 謝謝!!
期待你的作品(〃∀〃)

8 months ago ⋅ reply

零兒 - 啊，順便問一下啊....看你才剛加入就發佈了....所以非常好奇一件事....你寫了多久啊？

8 months ago ⋅ reply

子昳 - 大概半小時吧……

8 months ago ⋅ reply

零兒 - @子昳,也太快0.0

8 months ago ⋅ reply

子昳 - @零兒,其實我在這半小時裡參考了很多作品和詞彙唷((只是那個字真的好難湊OAQ

8 months ago ⋅ reply

零兒 - @子昳,我覺得這樣頗強頗強的

8 months ago ⋅ reply

霧飄山亭 - 好強喔！用字也太強了！以第一次填詞來說簡直是優秀之作！！！寫到雨之景與悲！只是平仄有點點錯…(應該吧XD)

8 months ago ⋅ reply

子昳 - !謝謝你 ♡ 超開心
歡迎糾正我的錯誤//

8 months ago ⋅ reply

零兒 - 嘎啦嘎啦嘎啦～第一篇參賽作品呀呀！

好的，首先說說問題，平仄有些地方是有錯的，請再仔細檢查並適當修改，若有不懂可以問唷owo~~

那麼咱對這首詞的感覺嘛....驚艷，對，沒錯。
雖然一開始以為沒有切合自然寫景的題目，但也許是我眼花吧？（明明第一句就寫著春雨了）主要是本詞的情感實在是太豐富的原因唷！雖然說是新手，但卻寫出了咱要絞盡腦漿才能硬擠出來的情，實在是非常出色，但再提醒一次，平仄030！

8 months ago ⋅ reply

子昳 - 原來平仄有錯嗎///
在我的認知裡只知道一聲跟二聲是平聲
二聲跟三聲是仄聲 ……
請大大給予糾正!!(鞠躬

8 months ago ⋅ reply

零兒 - @子昳,等一下....你是說注音符號嗎？

8 months ago ⋅ reply

子昳 - @零兒,是的……難道不是嗎……

8 months ago ⋅ reply

零兒 - @子昳,啊咧啊咧....主要是一二聲為平聲，三四為仄聲，輕聲先不算，不過有另外的入聲字(其實原本分“平上去入”)，入聲字是用臺語或說是閩南語來唸，像“白”平常唸二聲看似是平聲字但用臺語唸會是短促的音，所以為入聲字，其他還有像ㄈㄨˊ、ㄐㄩˊ、ㄑㄧ

8 months ago ⋅ reply

子昳 - @零兒,原來如此!!受教了
我剛剛仔細的看了，的確是忽略了一些字，已經修正!!
你真的好厲害啊///
如果還有什麼其他的建議請務必指教哦(笑

8 months ago ⋅ reply

零兒 - @子昳,但是啊....宋詞又是不同的規則，這裡不需要這麼難沒關係owo``
宋詞要跟著的應該是所謂平水韻，不方便多講030~~

8 months ago ⋅ reply

子昳 - @零兒,啊……古代的文學真的好深奧呀OAQ剛剛稍微研究了一下平水韻……貌似是個超難的東西啊(汗顏
那我目前這樣的作品算有符合你的格式要求嗎?///
((雖然普及了不少知識仍然不是很確定嘿嘿

8 months ago ⋅ reply

零兒 - @子昳,嗯，錯誤少了些了，這裡直接抓出剩下的owo/
第一句的“雨”和末句的“未”

8 months ago ⋅ reply

子昳 - @零兒,咦咦但是那兩個位子不是平仄不拘嗎?

8 months ago ⋅ reply

零兒 - @子昳,啊，對，不好意思，之前有改過了吼....沒事了（揮揮

8 months ago ⋅ reply

霧飄山亭 - @零兒,原…原來國語平仄是如此分…(上了一課XD)
粵語完全不是如此玩XD
粵語是有九聲，其順序本來便是"陰平、陰上、陰去、陽平、陽上、陽去，最後便是三個入聲…"
如1.因、2.忍、3.印、4.人、5.引、6.刃，因與人便是平，其他便仄…
這樣看來，終於明白為甚麼有些字粤語讀似平，國語卻是仄…
順便分享一下XD

8 months ago ⋅ reply

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