人們經常說我什麼都怯,什麼都不敢嘗試;906Please respect copyright.PENANAarbSniWcCA
害怕面對新的環境,害怕結識新的朋友。906Please respect copyright.PENANAOgsegfiogM
我怕,只是為了保障自己和其他人不會受到傷害;906Please respect copyright.PENANAPv7jrNK97P
哪怕我一下無意的舉動,都會殺個別人措手不及。906Please respect copyright.PENANAvS7pgeuLxX
亦有人說你都還未試過,你又怎會知道會否成功。906Please respect copyright.PENANAyp7P3fX1n9
但卻正是因為我嘗試過,才令我更加的怕;906Please respect copyright.PENANALbgenuBSs9
更加的怕我會無意傷害到她,更加的怕別人不會接受到我。906Please respect copyright.PENANAAptrDIwCfv
那一次嘗試,就是我的初戀。
聽說,學校是戀愛的溫床。906Please respect copyright.PENANANYLB7pkCiZ
很多在學校談過戀愛的,後來都會大有發展。906Please respect copyright.PENANAGOGqBq5tou
但唯獨我,因為初戀使戀愛成為禁忌。906Please respect copyright.PENANAVKvYKsshkO
那人是誰?一位由中一至中五的同班同學——婷。906Please respect copyright.PENANAkGS1z2K4ky
我愛上她不只因為外表,而是她的性格。906Please respect copyright.PENANAKxLsCkVJNB
那是我或她遇到什麼不愉快或不開心的事情,都會跟他一起談心。906Please respect copyright.PENANAv6P8sMGx9p
功課遇到什麼難題,我們都曾一同解決。906Please respect copyright.PENANAcKqLbouaSI
就是經過幾年初中生活的薰陶,我就漸漸愛上她。
終於,就在一次自修時,我跟她示愛。906Please respect copyright.PENANAd05FPSIC1o
她突然不知怎樣去反應,呆了一呆;906Please respect copyright.PENANAa2EL34rzOt
然後就像答應我一般點了頭,但她的表情卻是不知所措。906Please respect copyright.PENANAtw1GlKqhj7
那時的我就當作她默認了,便「唔」了一聲作回應。906Please respect copyright.PENANA99qPUDU92N
她像沒聽到似的,繼續發呆沉思。906Please respect copyright.PENANApNeZoZbp97
也許她還未準備好談戀愛,就被我二話不說的拉進了來。906Please respect copyright.PENANA1F5bLZjxkN
現在回想起來,還是覺得自己很過分。
雖然說我們在戀愛中,卻和平日沒兩樣。906Please respect copyright.PENANA53jprXygnU
照樣的談心事,同樣的溫習考試。906Please respect copyright.PENANAqC0bnGjrDZ
那時的我卻覺得無比開心,以為這就是談戀愛。906Please respect copyright.PENANAL65gKJHmyp
還自以為得意的拖手,做些過分行為。906Please respect copyright.PENANAW1O6wfYEoX
然而,原來她在我背後已另有其人。
一個下雨天,我照常地跟她一起放學。906Please respect copyright.PENANABvoJrXaNwI
當我打算跟她拖手時,她突然停下了腳步;906Please respect copyright.PENANA0QDGLRTpDW
滿面愁容地跟我說:「不如⋯我哋分⋯⋯絕交啦?」906Please respect copyright.PENANAUHY8HVUFj5
我愕然地跟她說:「點解呀?⋯你係咪有啲心事屈係個心?」906Please respect copyright.PENANASmvsgiFh3w
「唔係啊唔關事啊⋯其實係因為你」906Please respect copyright.PENANAL7kM2DYjeC
「我⋯?我做錯咗啲咩⋯⋯?」906Please respect copyright.PENANA72KXyEwfUV
「我身邊啲朋友都笑我,笑同我個毒男一齊拍拖,仲同我講:『呢件咁嘅嘢你都啃得落?』」906Please respect copyright.PENANA21JLJdi7PK
「佢哋講笑咋⋯⋯唔使理佢哋嘅⋯⋯」906Please respect copyright.PENANAE9SwOydKWP
「講笑?依家唔好話男朋友啦,我連其他男同學都識唔到個啊!都係因為你!」906Please respect copyright.PENANAc8vT37zDvI
「對對⋯⋯對唔住呀!我都唔想呀,我又唔知道⋯⋯」906Please respect copyright.PENANAn1ZVhh3sNK
「夠啦!我唔想再聽到你講廢話!由今日開始我地再無任何關係!」906Please respect copyright.PENANAnfXQG776g4
說完,她連同我的傘帶走;906Please respect copyright.PENANAecD4ROqoZQ
剩下我一個在路中心淋雨。
其後幾個月的晚上,我開始失眠。906Please respect copyright.PENANALb4CDXY56k
不是想我做錯了什麼,而是想我一直以來到底傷害了多少人。906Please respect copyright.PENANAHyvQZSQ620
結果用了好幾個月的晚上,都想不透。906Please respect copyright.PENANAc23KKodiSC
不知道傷害了多少人,更不知道怎樣才能避免。906Please respect copyright.PENANAgIrrJpkmFK
於是我就只懂得怯,希望能夠逃避問題。906Please respect copyright.PENANAu3HAG7A2vm
缺少了婷的交心,我變得更加迷惘。906Please respect copyright.PENANA9UsbbAJwOx
於是,我利用那唯一的途徑交心——互聯網。
跟婷絕交後,我的成績一落千丈。906Please respect copyright.PENANAyK0OgWZHHZ
學校裏朋友亦不多,做什麼事也不太成功。906Please respect copyright.PENANAq7g5HNU5UQ
於是我決定在網上交友,至少也能交到個知心好友。906Please respect copyright.PENANApHxIKkm1Tu
中五那年,我就應識了另一個她——Peggy。906Please respect copyright.PENANAmPDMoRiFSj
初時,只是在一個交友群組裏面認識。906Please respect copyright.PENANAnYnWkJrk8h
慢慢發現大家有共同興趣,便開始聊起個人心事。906Please respect copyright.PENANA5HJeB8Lwfq
就是這樣,一段網戀開始了。
由於雙方都沒有自己樣子的頭像,所以大家只能從文字中瞭解對方的性格。906Please respect copyright.PENANA3wIyMPXwOC
正就是這樣,我們談開始戀愛。906Please respect copyright.PENANAImxat90V26
不止在Facebook中互加對方作情侶,還一起玩些網路遊戲。906Please respect copyright.PENANAXFrUVwqZ5t
大家還試過互傳一些肉麻對話,就像喝醉一般。906Please respect copyright.PENANALHa89T1ygX
我和她還通過無數次電話,就像我們是真正的伴侶一般。906Please respect copyright.PENANAIlQnNbWUbW
問過大家的出生日期,知道大家的童年經歷。906Please respect copyright.PENANAyxS2jv9ZMQ
見不到對方的真面目,反而才令我更加安心。
但直到有一天,她要求我去一次約會。906Please respect copyright.PENANA1W5S8ENOKA
她說,經過這麼多年,很想跟我去一次約會。906Please respect copyright.PENANAItm1P06TbW
「我都付出左我嘅初戀俾你,你可唔可以陪我出一次街咁簡單?」906Please respect copyright.PENANAM6TU3a9ThS
「我真的真的很想看見你的真面目」906Please respect copyright.PENANAWIQMgszvg1
「點解次次我話想約你,你都同我講你唔得閑?」906Please respect copyright.PENANAHhSFPgoL8f
我真的答不了她,唯有每次都說我很忙碌。906Please respect copyright.PENANAuyXGx3BD16
我很害怕,很怕我又會傷害多一次別人。906Please respect copyright.PENANANx9Xi0bGLR
要到底怎樣,才能避免這浩劫?906Please respect copyright.PENANAR00FCSakkF
難道要蒙着面出外?又不是參與什麼遊行示威。906Please respect copyright.PENANAOQJIionjlP
但又不可能跟她分手,始終我真的很愛她。
「我警告你吖,如果你今日下晝兩點旺角恒生冇出現嘅話,我真係unfriend你架!」906Please respect copyright.PENANAqiCmpU4uTq
如今已經沒辦法再逃避,唯有硬着臉的面對。906Please respect copyright.PENANASCXRZ8oemL
我把衣櫃找了好幾遍,才能找到比較合適的衣服。906Please respect copyright.PENANAytJu3egGyj
還故意把擦得比平時更白,還用漱口水漱口了好幾遍;906Please respect copyright.PENANAoB43hOLdqX
久違的口臭完全消失,已經保證萬無一失。906Please respect copyright.PENANA2ujsUMv0xK
做盡了一切措施,終於要出門。
「準時兩點正,我已經到咗啦!」906Please respect copyright.PENANAh01jNVOEbk
我就在恒生銀行門口,傳個訊息給她。906Please respect copyright.PENANATTJ9Vfe4nJ
畫面顯示着藍雙剔,但她卻久久未見人。906Please respect copyright.PENANAwWT5NA6mNQ
然後我再問了她是不想我來錯了銀行,卻再也看不到藍剔。906Please respect copyright.PENANABd7JvRE60G
上面明明寫着「在線上」,卻像人間蒸發般再也找不到她。906Please respect copyright.PENANAJET0yIHeYr
我站在那個銀行門口,然後又走到對面那銀行;906Please respect copyright.PENANAXKEseTvGyj
由兩點等到六點,始終還是看不見她的蹤影。906Please respect copyright.PENANABKNG7qZr2T
過程亦沒有任何一人跟我相認,我就像瘋子般逛來逛去。906Please respect copyright.PENANAQL3xqX9plO
但是最後,還是失望而回。
「⋯⋯你仲喺唔喺度?」906Please respect copyright.PENANAkm2ChZxElO
一日又一日的過去,她最後那短信息還是叫我出外的那段。906Please respect copyright.PENANA4V34vmAXqj
她的Facebook封鎖了我,她的電話再也打不通。906Please respect copyright.PENANAlfhJW5BuX3
她的一切恍似就停留在那一刻,無論我送多少一發訊息給她;906Please respect copyright.PENANAfGfmb74G4k
還是跟他道歉,她還是照舊不理我。906Please respect copyright.PENANAOKT4iCAyb0
失眠期間,我又想到為何她當天沒出現。906Please respect copyright.PENANAPUPsmQZarq
或許她早已出現,但就是因為我的出現;906Please respect copyright.PENANATkhZfKktoR
她就完全消失,就像從沒出現過。
現在想回來,或許這一切都只是願者上釣。906Please respect copyright.PENANANGIHIckIya
或者她根本沒真心愛上我,只是我一個自作多情。906Please respect copyright.PENANADv8ife9ClE
但也可能她的初戀真的給了個毒男,就這樣傷害了一個少女。906Please respect copyright.PENANAyZllAAQS4G
或許她那天是哭着回去的,就是被她的好奇心弄死。906Please respect copyright.PENANA5oUa0kRdiG
或許她還未準備好愛我,承受不了這好奇。
或許她還愛着我,還未接受到我的美。
906Please respect copyright.PENANAmJp3ZLLUF9
906Please respect copyright.PENANAPrbURJDMb1
906Please respect copyright.PENANApzm7tJYI7W