You've got to believe me. I don't remember when I was born. I don't remember anything at all or at least I try not to. I try not to feel the sand brushing against my feet, wondering if it would harm me, or if I should let myself flow with my love for the ocean that she once described as "my secret that brought the doom of me". I couldn't understand then nor can I now.
Why is it so difficult to take a risk? To accept that the sandy steps get wiped and that sooner or later, someone else will cover the dunes with prints. Marks that might be adored by him more than he desired to have you stuck on his heart.
No matter how many years passed, she is still scared. Scared to be touched. By him.
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Wasn't she like a pearl you wish you could have held more in your palms and not let it slip, roll and die in the ocean? Didn't you want to find out why she's the only gem on the beach? Why, despite all the people who claimed to love you, left a miserable feeling behind, the storms you thought won't stop, the thunderstorm you've learned to embrace, she was the one to remain?
I wonder if he ever thought of me, I wouldn't care if it is compassion, envy or hate. I want to hear him say something, not struggling to death to seem happy around me. I found him agitated, facing everything and everyone, but I left him worse.
If you're reading this, I don't want you to sympathize with me, but to feel, to ponder whether you think all we had, is gone. I can't believe it, because I love you.
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Click. Message was sent. Perhaps, that was a ridiculous and stupid move.
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His POV
How should have I felt reading this? Anger? No, I moved on from that feeling, but not from her. It seems she's aware of it and wants to haunt me for what we've sinned. I brought this upon her and like a perfect doll that got scratched, no one can repair it, except for her creator, me.
Is she looking for a way to mock me? To make me feel I'm nobody? I already did. I needed her, in fact, I was pleased she emailed me. After 2 years of waiting, she's running back to me like a little lost puppy.
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Sympathize? What's that? You still feel compassion, even years after? Shall I remind you of your last words? Of how you ran away each time you've seen me approaching? Shall I remind you of our nights spent together or the days we thought we were the happiest? Remember when we were one, facing the whole world? Do you? Because to me, it is just a black and white movie, somewhere deep in my mind, playing constantly. I don't remember the producer or the title of that film, nor even the characters. Were you really feeling it or were you just a hired actress who learned by heart each line?
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Click. Truth sent.
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