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Dystopia
The Fallen
Writer Skye Young
Writer
  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
PG-13
RATED
1040 Reads
8 Likes
7 Bookmarks
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The Fallen
The Fallen
Intro

Gone is a time when happiness filled every family's home. Gone is a time when parents could provide for their children. That was a moment in history when everything was perfect. When everything was right. 

The Land of the Free is now just a fading memory in the minds of the elderly. Few families have the money to provide for a home for their children. Those select few live in classified areas where they are completely cut off from the corrupt world around them. 

Where are the rest of the survivors, you may ask? Well, they live in the places that the great war has left behind. They live in wastelands where nothing is safe when drug-lords are ruling with an iron fist.  

Then Charlotte Davis comes into play, and she is willing to tear down whatever walls she has to in order to reach sanctuary. She's willing to do whatever it takes to reach the last family she has left. Davis isn't like any of the other Corrupted. No. She's different. 

She's a Fallen, and she's more powerful than anyone could ever imagine. 

Total Reading Time: 9 minutes

3 comments

Aretice N. Treader - I think this synopsis is very well-written. It pulls the reader in immediately and introduces the story without giving too much away.

In the first paragraph, I'd change every "where" to "when" because you're talking about times, not places. Also, the paragraph about the survivors sounds a little awkward to me. I'd probably edit it like this: Well, they live in the wastelands that the great war has left behind. They live where nothing is safe and where* drug lords rule with an iron fist.

* I was also considering writing this: They live where nothing is safe from the drug lords that rule with an iron fist. However, I wasn't sure if the drug lords were the only reason the wastelands weren't safe.

To be honest, your synopsis is really great, which is why I nitpicked so much. I'm looking forward to reading the rest. :)
2 years agoreply

Skye Young - Thank you so much! I'm so happy to her that you like it:) I'll definitely think about what you said. 
2 years agoreply

LexiMeghanChase - Okay, so your intro is actually very intriguing, and I like it a lot. There's just a few critiques I'd like to give you on this. I hope you like what I have here for you:

Your first two sentences pull you in but the first sentence is a little confusing to understand when you first read it. So I'd possibly change it to:
"Gone is the day when Americans only worried about how long their phone battery would last." Then continue on with the second sentence. Shortening the sentence just a little helps with the clarity and makes it easier for the reader to understand. :) 

"Their land is now destroyed and the small, high class families now live in a classified area." - This is just grammatical stuff.

"Davis isn't like any of the other Corrupted. No. She's different." -This gives more impact in my opinion, so I'd suggest this change, but it's completely up to you.

Love the last sentence. :)  That's all I got for this! I hope my critique helps! :D
2 years agoreply

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