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386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1HhKjWntV
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6Y26gPV3j
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHB6JEQ7Nyc
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0JGyP0dRR
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHY6aU1tyw1
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q2nW8tJKZ
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MiyTLOqzy
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4KnD7Ra6E
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oeMY0GrGI
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4yV2iZMv8
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmZ1u4e23e
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzs1hrQ7Jsf
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjU5TE4cZ3
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyq6D5b9H4R
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb74hw6YzKC
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj07bXW35AT
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0wW01Qav3
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqwobN6237
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreRs8UCDfO
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfA2nfgv1yo
「唉......」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbLXmBZHTL
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkSR7Xgu5g
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNFYpUPNhl
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wZ53UBktI
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFxbIapYi0
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVDYoK9YPj
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmL4jDJQWU
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHm2IK1KqYu
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOmLNeDjUL
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvJaeySfv3
「唉......」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yiZ3ZGEd9
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkJHjQKMfC
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9hv9DG0i8
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokSVmCi1wp
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ODkKblKqf
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5VsW88JVW
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYgGLLntbL
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr28wUPjMal
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiWvlOu96G
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVE9HT3bnMN
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2l13OV1KP
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTh87VNMGj
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTYp0Sxv2X
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobIchmBiEH
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6sdiTViXU
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUNQFTtKZt
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmbSgJCqOa
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZck2QCiqi
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjxW3KjVVP
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KTZQN41SX
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxNzEgXXaN
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjKeYPYJl6
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCF5ba10FuL
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnV17JHRwOf
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUZ6xvNOMQ
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq46eslo5e
「真的沒發生什麼事。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fSq3dC7EC
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxyXQdBBUO
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJd3ORCFN9
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9Sh6f6OkR
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9FkB5YAdY
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aRVLuUTC1
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJ0vrIv3pV
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rQayYWSiH
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiB77exOYv
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssh9vE6ZwZ
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBLtxJ8h23
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakDhB7JWsP
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0gCf0mJgb
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvEeihj76H
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47S5WTTdW3
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVsWyflkPZ
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbHlwsxKrw
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WaM3HHoUC
「其他事情？」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiANiyElZim
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqT6sOrlFw
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzd4BdG451
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYOxdgYttW
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGStg4MKjGM
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPRMJ2TlUS
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OBdbqziXA
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKF4FBp1fp
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qZqBXJCyK
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGds7CLw0Em
「哪件事？」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uVSnckos6
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18f6csbCEl
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFFFLhiAcp
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7IsHw26EA
「妳難道是指——」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZYYwMGe6F
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMf5hRuqzl9
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UITPwaC7u
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHYNOCduea
「打.苦.鞭。」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezolxfPdxF
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3NB8eXKhL
＊＊＊386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KiHTHSUOv
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0IyN64Gk7
咻——劈啪！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pqca59llx
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeDRxlYsvH
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1kQ5Nm4kJ
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYB2LfDTfmk
咻——劈啪！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VVrk869jY
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlYVihxRaw
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdthqZB6V6
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraJ4RP3Tkh
咻——劈啪！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvxvmy5kPp
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojAnOqENIt
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6mKO1526D
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8014lMPWWB
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQPHFW0l1W
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpH22eEfTY6
咻——劈啪！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfRSkPsItb
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58VtOpgI4i
「哼嗯......」386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLliFyUBB5
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAtLFqfpjF
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK470uBjCfd
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzlrjDYQvW
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMaw11iSQd
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MfrAVVpNq
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOomXeWmE9v
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoOTyVfGiU
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9m5A9rJnNT
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshteCykiw3
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpE82w6uSP
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVPjSEvXgK
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8HLZEkxTk
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgz2d6Vknf
咻——劈啪！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaQ9ZQ21eD
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxM1bHLaDlr
只要鞭打得更用力......386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITKmjLEpFH
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjQk9ZFXQL
咻——劈啪！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FJZ2yUQro
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsPeyaZE4U
讓身體更痛......386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWGrZZBjrZ
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBLWPVkDQv
咻——劈啪！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQPeczomxf
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j2Afe1KgV
就能夠忘卻一切......386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rU8kBf5Vm
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAenDvRF3B
咻——386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xB0WPjy0G
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8T3cmDYUG
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡps1ZRrWfws
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZ9ZLyKKBH
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEVbNNupx6
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbyBHZic0A
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgsbAXHIzD
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsNJKtRZfM
咻——劈啪！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5JXZxBpnN
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡls0TKb6Tad
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAAGrMyHGG
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6tOZr1VS8
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYAHHRY9eI
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkoB4pQS00
咻——劈啪！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRN1tOhdGfW
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWY7XqjDgqT
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNvUBq1KSh
386Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQ5l3CxaMD
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
