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336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cpaaFgWxF
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMZ8EB9KqM
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhqHeeUcDi
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJQXqjxnY5
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHzhcFjC0M
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmATwZCFDa
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFEpkjR90O
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfelUIxZBBo
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlFDTOoUhm
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2xWkzCXXJ
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuB693a8Q2Y
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sMoYvJrDO
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fdUfcdsnI
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZ7ryn4HYE
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdLbEA8zlA
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYya9nADxP
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhOR5hP0sJ
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hfujINfT9
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlw5lHzuc8k
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljuBLbkN9B
「唉......」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOj6k1LY1Y
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBk2G8dC13W
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfcVgxT68x
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRJeCXwvG0
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0KRt0eQht
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5wGIHLr5Z
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvexl9udg6M
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh91fb4cf0C
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7CncvW4r4
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fW8FGdsYe
「唉......」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4mufp5v3v
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMgOnZrBRG
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7HLDJaqQV
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQMYFPWYNB
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3Ui7nu2LE
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyaxlen62V
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf6MQzpZ4l
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLt52v6vNiF
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Nc4tGVfmJ
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnUMaEofdE
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9fitlTj1g
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUWDuPRxzF
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMJPX6AzrE
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1IQ1ZvQR3
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9fyTTDao1
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iqG4bjzKl
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCuge9CdMQ
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NveyhWoZs
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZDn9OW0xN
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqByrvQSoES
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60DSiZVeOY
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJPiiQDftP
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLlhqRWmMv
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiKheByYeI
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhq7Xdx1cG
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQ9z3GyrD7
「真的沒發生什麼事。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJsVFClQuh
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRswEZPhwc
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQJyiBnAhZ
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4hkGGpnqp
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHa4GKwp11
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86wIsGgeQk
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LDSKVcXOF
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqN5dGx769K
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWC6GBLQqu
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWC4dYuDeZ
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiD6fECAsh
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZTqAvJ1G8
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40zg15hX26
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJp2LiFZkQ
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORclbMLkmA
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhZzjJhdNA
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PlSbWj5Yd
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQr8qDv1j5
「其他事情？」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBK3jzDp1oP
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuVozQfiMP
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKglLkZwXv
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Py3YaB20Q
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cMa5pN340
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCBJAWcwkc
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNdUetjDZQ
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1II2DQrzgU
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2u6MloSgwf
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRmgTYgRDE
「哪件事？」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWscdV6BTw
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbvPJj4Xa7
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgoGRIOYlG
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SefLfsDjG
「妳難道是指——」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8VHn6s7LJ
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUhJUvMZHS
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujJEZZQH0c
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSSCS81yXy
「打.苦.鞭。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡav3a2Zx04C
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwK0I6eCTUh
＊＊＊336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyJi5Tu1v5
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtByN562t8
咻——劈啪！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MBqvjkPCo
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECG7o5lbOm
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0OQPmHbRx
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrU8Q9du8U1
咻——劈啪！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwsBCS0GLb
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4hoT9q28I
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MK1ZjFymi
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpB8QSDOSu2
咻——劈啪！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41ScOTd2Ld
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDvJPp7sQU
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzr4DknnKEA
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFfWj9AiMO
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoFR8gPIhb
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdn8KetyeZw
咻——劈啪！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwSZfEGwcA
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezIYrR4ioN
「哼嗯......」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPiXXyYVq9
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrcTqzvJ26
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmMjUdNOpn
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYRzTteLU5
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9vvkaVh82
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2yTKfwueo
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTe9s8sAJz
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOzdF9aeyi
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvvZzljMXE
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9zbZGYeqY
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdUmH9VnKj
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6Ch7LldJW
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17SOrwlsZs
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSH2OTN1Yc
咻——劈啪！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgOrenwNlf
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlOQC0Zizb
只要鞭打得更用力......336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSY4IsAz8a
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ25L3dOani
咻——劈啪！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PDawIbJZR
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkH85onjUdQ
讓身體更痛......336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S98wui5Br
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uzx8DdlTH
咻——劈啪！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRBc7y1gvU
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8drSdQY5vv
就能夠忘卻一切......336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwj96UawKNi
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRphLXM63uv
咻——336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLm0BmFmvM
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jvCbURM5I
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKCtwdNjR9
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAINyWBkZnt
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Zq9SQRmsY
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvurfIli1wo
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvXfoelKMi
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwDtBCGUBq
咻——劈啪！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkONQymV25
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPjlJC6swP
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6jysOqZxO
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3618T7GNL
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDeM1fygfa
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBegHiMOy1k
咻——劈啪！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOq5adueALL
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxg3b4K9qLz
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PURHFIica
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPQzw44BTe
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
