There's an old riddle I tell to the folks who come tired to the halfway house.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmyIsKSS35
'How far can you walk into a forest?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBc9tVcqna
Some of them know the answer, some don't.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEun6omb5W
'Halfway. Now take your rest.'
The Wood of White Nights was my home.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYNrQI5WvI
It was a place between two places where rarely people had a reason to stay. Two poor towns, farming areas, or so they claimed, because the crops always failed and never the baleful cry of an animal I heard.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgj3rOqpNV
People had their own reasons for passing by the Halfway House, and I had my own reasons to live there.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXrpRxEL2t
I suppose, if nothing else, it gave me something to do.
It was a hobby of sorts - I had always had a way of talking to people, and at the Halfway House I could learn about a different life every day. All the sadness and - occasionally - gladness that would lead someone to stay at a dying building in a forest full of dangerous beasts.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9Eib6VVzI
For some, perhaps they were seeking something. Tales of lost treasure in the Woods, or old friends who stopped returning letters or calls. It's strange, really - the people who were looking for something were lost themselves.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07QxDnduVD
The House provided refuge for others, a place where the outside world no longer mattered, a place where time itself failed to keep composure, a place where they could escape the judgements and expectations.
And I suppose that for a while it kept my interest. Lives and stories were precious things and the knowledge of each one was like a temporary high of intimacy - something that I could never have achieved elsewhere.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxswn3YxmMg
But too soon, I learnt that life was like a loop, a pencil retracing the same track over and over again - I met the same people, the same stories, the same tired faces with eyes of broken promise.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa192CmJL1d
There was nowhere else for me then, of course. So I stayed. And with every passing year, I couldn't help but feel that I was looking into the mirror every time I greeted a lost soul into the House. I was running. Away, or to, even I didn't know. But I was running, by staying still.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCUO1NWd7C
You see, runners inevitably hit a brick wall. For them, it was death. For me, it was an old friend who returned as a stranger under a rain-soaked sun.
'Welcome to the Halfway House.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46Xsl0iY6A
The girl was dripping, and the warm rays of light from the sky had done nothing to dry her. She was English - with those perpetual dimples and perceptive eyes - and her hair was dyed an angel white. She was short - and her complexion said that she couldn't have been any older than twenty seven.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeowle5GBIo
'You must be tired. Sit, please.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBEz0zbYYU
She remained on her feet, and walked up to me.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5ggYEK2rA
'Do you know how far you can walk into a forest?' I asked her, seeing myself ask myself the same question from the inside of the droplets hanging at her eyelashes.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vxlWbKa5c
'Halfway, you bastard. It's me.' The moment that tears began running down her cheeks and not just residual rain was misty, like a watercolor - perhaps she was crying before she even entered.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbda1u4Bsm
'Aria!' I embraced her, but only lightly, conscious of my suit getting wet. 'You're looking younger than I last saw you.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOhYp54k1k
'Please don't give me that bullshit Al, I'm old. I'm too old for all of this.' She let go, and finally sat down. She never liked being told when to do things.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKrVLZhj15
'Another one?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45LPbClC19
'What do you think? Of course it was another one.' She pulled out a few sepia polaroids from her satchel and gave a heavy sigh at them before handing the stack to me.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2anTs68GH
'What was his name?' Aria always picked the ones with the lovely smiles. Here - riding on his back in a park, laughing. Here - him making a mess of the spaghetti. Here - a kiss.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnBAhl9hwH
'Jacob. Jacob Ryans.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDCjmzsjWb
'He's very beautiful. You two look so happy together.' Here - both of them asleep on a couch. Here - a walk on the beach with a white dog.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS25UUDq7cb
'Were, Al, we were happy.' She collapsed into an outburst of bodily fluid again. Crying, bleeding, orgasming, I never really got the differences. There's always the pain and the pleasure, and at the extremities, they merge into the one - like a great circle of emotions. 'God, Al, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaj8HQOLzP
'Don't say that. What you do is a good thing. You give these men an extra few years of happiness. You know that all these people would have died if you didn't come into their bodies.' Us Muses could pass into any dying body and grant it with immortality so long as we stayed inside. She was the Aria - the outpour of raw emotion. I was the Allemande - the noble, the detached.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIARP3GUh2
'But you know what I took away? Closure. And not having that - that hurts more.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoB4x6Talg
'You can still fix things.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8Kebi04XQ
'Al, you know I can't do that. I can't tell them, I can't leave them in any way. I loved them all. I love them all.' She took the photos back and took a long look at the one by the beach. 'The dog was called Marbles. You like riddles, Al? Why's the dog called Marbles?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEaflzKjtU
'You tell me, sis.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14FhQNaNwt
She laughed. 'He's batshit bonkers. But adorable all the same. We got him from the adoption place in - I don't even remember. But he was heard barking from the sewers. His previous owner left him there.' A corner of the English girl's smile appeared and faded just as quickly like an imprint from the past.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSzgtFKRIf
'I just don't know why I keep making the same mistakes.' She folded the photos.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2p7kOr2pfV
'Well, sis, life is like a loop - '904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZTXzBcfrQ
'Can you just shut up for once, Al? Not all of your goddamn philosophies are goddamn right. You're stuck here for what you've done, how can you say you know about life?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIqLlU0FXp
I stayed silent. She was in a mood.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GGLyjeOH1
'It's like a spiral.' She said, suddenly. 'You always think you're heading somewhere but you just keep going round and round. You know the funny thing about spirals?' I didn't interrupt her - it was rhetorical, and I would only frustrate her further. 'You can draw an infinite number of spirals. An infinite number of lives. They get close, but the only place they really touch is at the center, at the end. At the end of them all.'
Having Aria around was always difficult, but I know she did it for me.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CJpoI6Idm
You see - I couldn't actually leave the woods. I had made a mistake, a long time ago. Aria takes photos of the world for me, with an old polaroid that she never found the strength to throw away. After a few decades I had had enough of the cities and mountains and lakes, and I asked if I could just see her life.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkFVkUUCWl
It was always about the love, for her. I never understood why. But she would purposefully try to find the ones who were in a healthy relationship, the ones whose boyfriends or girlfriends were always by their hospital bed.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKGCvAWPUc
And once those dying bodies woke again, she would never let those people go, not until she had to leave. She stayed with each one only five, ten years - you see, the bodies don't age once we're inside. To keep us safe, she left before it would become noticeable.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVb7DUJlg0
I suppose I should have thanked her more than I did.
'You're still here.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Qzr9dqXkf
It was morning, and Aria was sitting, the English girl, in the dining room. She had never stayed longer than the night before. 'I need a break from it all.' She sighed.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVocSs3FwLR
'You're at the right place.' I took the place beside her. 'The cornflakes are shit.' I reminded her. 'Have the yogurt.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRsTmj9riS
'How did it feel, Al?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbRWJNFaOF
'How did what...'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAtbJNhJB3
'To do what you did. To do that to all those people.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflsU4ocB2K
'Why are you asking me this now?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsd6HPB5A8T
She laid her head into her palms. 'Because nothing has changed.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqUCIvV8d7
She didn't want to say it, but I knew what she was thinking. She was tired of being trapped in this world with me.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8WwKNcxKt
'Sis, I'm sorry.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmTXiT1BqC
She looked up, crying again. 'But were you really?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPjP0uHdgm
I couldn't answer that. One option would be a lie and the other would break her heart.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vWPtWlgc2
I stood.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjmadYbdy8
'I'll go get you some yogurt.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQZk8YqdHT
'Do you ever wish you could die?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRm6yzwLuY
Aria was slowly retreating into a shroud of depression.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJTXQYwcur
'No. There's so much to live for.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrs0XyDzRS
'But I've seen it all. There's nothing left.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xClTdjEjy
'Don't say that.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhtlehXoiO
Even I was surprised at how much she cried those few days she stayed at the Halfway House. It bothered me. I never wanted to see her like this.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2iXK3wn8i
And it was only then that I decided to do what I knew was possible several, several years ago.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ5Yo2Jm0Q
'Sis... I can get you out.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0STJGsmc2Q
'...what do you mean?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavNNU8l1Qb
'I can get you out. I can get you back home. But you have to be patient.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbXAyNQqfQ
'...I don't understand.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkc4cdqM4JN
'Back home, sis. Away from all of this.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmi77fy2Rmx
'But how?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6mB7tuPPp
The tears had stopped and I knew I had made a promise that I couldn't bear to break.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyrDnWB6qf
'You'll understand tomorrow. Sleep on it.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4N7C09ZPA
She turned away again.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHfN6spg7Y
She didn't say thanks - reminding me even now how I had mistreated her before.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjYW72gZLi
'Remember. You'll have to be patient.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xlAQUWBEg
I wait a few moments for a response before I close her door.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡch3KxX2rM0
It was time for me to leave. To run away, to run towards.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd54r8Nfj5T
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlLjhJX4g2
An English girl with hair angel white, kneeled before the gates of her home.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18zX7vXYwB
'Father?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDYJd8dyht
'Aria. You know you're not allowed here.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzpRjDYKcm
'It's not Aria.'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBnXxKQnAZ
Muses could go only into dying bodies, of which there were none in the Wood of White Nights, where time itself lay tired.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkQOjFq3Cv
But there had been one - a girl with cancer, who should have died seven years ago, who woke at the brink and came to the woods.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaU3wZHVYd
'Allemande?'904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyrvxk3b14
I could feel him, ready to send me back to the forest in a single spin of the landscape.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDIBbSIski
'Wait.' I say.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsPjM4CMRf
I know what I need to do to make things right. I know what I need to do to pay for my past. I know how to send Aria home.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIlg8Hk8rN
Because I realized, longer ago than I believed, that I was wrong. Life didn't have a simple shape, an order - life was a mirror, in the corner of the universe, in which you could see eternity, and the reflections of a thousand others -904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBG5dYJ5WpP
And so I will suffer the reflection of the suffering I caused.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbPbnFKQUX
I had been running - not away from the forests in fear, not to the forests in hope of comfort, but to hide from the forests that festered within myself.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HiiUk4IQU
And when all the pain finally ends, they will offer me the heavens once again in forgiveness - but I would stay only a moment to say farewell - and return home, to the Halfway House.904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UuY8jIbJU
