From: Rekkana
I was at least a year into college and i was off of online games for a good while now, about a year also i think because i remember failing a whole semester because of my gaming addiction. I learned hard from that now and i got away with it before my mom could find out thank god. But, i am not here to talk about that. I am here to talk about someone related to that time window of my life.
I met this guy in japanese class, it was sort of months after i failed that semester. We worked together in class at some point, he was a stranger like everyone else is, but when the class ended alot of us that were in that class became good friends, some i added on facebook. If i remember correctly he was one of them. we exchange information like every person do when they become friends after class and never speak to each other again. I have not seen him at all since that class after a year, i saw him again and during that time i wanted to try and find real life friends for once because the one friend i had in college she deleted me and ditched me on facebook because she thinks i am trying to steal her guy from her when it was nowhere near that. But you know what? It was her choice so, whatever you know? I never wanted to reconcile with her again mostly because of how she talked to me afterwards.
The year i saw him again, i said hi to him and surprisingly he remembers me, he asked me what have i been up to ever since that class and i told him about my gaming addiction, he wasnt surprised because it turns out this guy was a gamer himself so he could relate, and after a while of talking i asked him if i could hangout with him sometime. Now, this took a pretty big effort because he would always ghost me most of the time, i kept doing it until he finally said yes and introduced me to all his friends. I met many people on the same day and i hung out with them and i made myself right at home kinda minus my craziness when im around my actual friends.
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I had so much fun hanging out with them and they immediately considered me as a part of their group. I was delighted because i found friends again in college! I wasnt that loner anymore who would just be in the corner of the room staring at nothing and just hangout in the campus because she liked to have some peace and quiet. I started hanging out with them everyday now and i met more of his friends, the side of the people who plays card games like Magic the gathering, yugi oh, cardfight vanguard, you name it. Basically, the geek side of the group, i didn't mind it because i was a gamer myself.
Despite of me having new friends, meeting more new people, i started hanging out with the particular guy i talked to in the first place more, the one from japanese class, we would always try to be alone together having a nice and simple conversation and i asked him if i can know where his class is so we could hangout more after his class if he's free for the day and he said sure and told me where all his classes are.
Everyday i would always try and go to his class after my own to see when he will be out and we would always hangout afterwards, those moments were sort of best friends and stuff. I didnt really realize that i started liking this dude just by trying to notice myself that i am making all this effort to visit him after his class and hangout afterwards. I felt like it wasnt that bad but i was not ready to tell him that i like him though. I tried my best to get to know him better before my emotions got the best of me. I asked about his family; so, he has a mom, typical, and then he has a stepdad and a stepsister, he told me his dad and his mom separated at a certain age so his mom had custody on him. But i think his actual parents were still in good terms so he still got to hangout with his dad sometimes, even when he's already in college. I told him it must be nice to have a luxury like that because my parents never really wanted to hangout with me.
After a month or two of just hanging out with him, we were sitting in this open area on the grass, nobody was there, it's just me and him, we were always talking about shit we love and everything just felt like a normal day. Deep down i wanted to confess already because i felt like its time... So i leaned forward and surprisingly kissed him and he kissed me back too as if we were a couple.
Things got very awkward and i tried to apologize and explained myself and then i told him how i feel... And apparently he feels the same too. We had a long and awkward pause thinking what just happened and then we started talking about how we want to try for a relationship... And we did. Everybody in our circle of friends were surprised about the news that me and this guy started dating. They all wished us well for a happy and healthy relationship so i was happy! He's my very first real relationship. Why very first though? Well, i been through many online relationships in the past, this was nothing new to me, i cherish online relationships the same as real life ones. I consider him my first because i never had a relationship in real life, so everything was a trial and error for me.
We were a strong couple, i didnt know what i was doing because it was my first time. We always went out on dates, he would go over to my house, watch movies together and be silly like every couple does and during that time is when things got a little bit heated, we both had sex for the first time and yes we were both virgins so we just popped both of our cherries (LMAO). I admit we were a little extreme on this for first timers because we would uncontrollably do it a lot even in the most inappropriate places and i would lie to my mom and go out and we would sneak into his house without his family around and get freaky in his bedroom, but overtime as much as we love to have sex alot we learned how to say no to those situations.... I am not here to talk about sex though, I am more here to talk about his parents because he told me his parents knew about me.
That following night, he took me out for dinner with his sister and parents because of his sister's show for her middle school, we went to a restaurant called BJ's, that's where i met his parents for the first time. I told them a little about me and where i am from and we socialized like normal human beings at a dinner table in a restaurant. After that meeting, my relationship with him went downhill from there. The times of where we would always have to pick up his sister after classes became more frequent and the times where he would spend with his family and go to church on sundays became more prominent. Sometimes he would cancel plans just to go out with them. I did not wanna be a clingy girlfriend and ask for attention, but i did because we only text "whenever he can" and he doesnt like it when i video call him so much.
He thinks i am being too clingy and i need to give him the space he needs. I felt very insecure after that because i felt like i wasn't giving him the freedom he needed. And when it came too far, we argued so much, we would bicker at each other in text and he would say why are you so needy, you dont have anything else to do? I didn't respond. I just sat there and never replied. The days that came after was much worse.
The days that came after were he broke up with me over text because i am too clingy and that our relationship just was not simply healthy for the both of us. I took it like a man and just let him go, but deep down i was hurt, very depressed. I was so depressed that i refused to eat, any food i ate my stomach would reject it, and all i could do was just cry and stare into blank space. My mom wasn't home in all those times but i never told her about this. I would go out for a walk and i would look at the cars that would pass by and hope that he would see me. I looked like an idiot for that one. I tried to message him a bunch of times and call him, i wanted to talk and just work everything out. I was very desperate to stay with him because I loved him that much.
On that same day, i realized i still had access to his facebook account because he gave me his password because of something he wanted me to do for him a long time ago. I forgot. and in the messages i saw him and his friends in the group chat talking about me. The words that came out from their messages and his was unbelievable. Talking about how i am such a needy or clingy bitch that i probably have nothing better to do with my time than cling on to him, he also talked about how now that he's single maybe he should start finding a hot or cute latina because his parents never approved of me anyway and that he broke up with me because his parents never approved of me. His parents never liked how he was not dating a mexican girl.
Everything piled up on that day of what I was reading. I know it was a total invasion of privacy but i never did it again. It causes me too much pain to know people talk a bunch of shit behind my back and pretend that they are being nice to me. It took days for my deep depression to settle down, and for me to not think about it. I always still wanted to talk to him about how we could still work this out and i will not be as needy as i was with him. But of course he took no for an answer so i just left it alone.
I hung out with a friend that i called up with that day just to let all my emotions out and that made me feel alot better. Me and my friend were just walking on the street trying to enjoy some fresh air, felt like we were adventurers and just trying to expand our horizons. I hit up another friend on the same day to hangout with me so i dont sit in my room emoting in the corner about my loss, i felt like it would be better if i went out and just explored my world and not grieve too much. It actually worked and it helped. Today, those two people are still my friends, and i thank them for what they did for me.
As of today, me and this ex that i talked about in this story are still good friends because despite of what happened, we decided we respect each other as fellow human beings and that remaining friends wont be a bad thing. We were best of friends before we even started dating so we both guess it's just fair that way.
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