昨晚的「治療」後,我明白了很多。345Please respect copyright.PENANADdYKK6Rwez
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早上起床,看了一眼星座。345Please respect copyright.PENANActGAmHMLMk
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走到樓下,我看著車站月台掛著的時鐘──像與平時相差無幾,但當我看清楚後卻赫現發現我比平常早了一個小時出門,感覺就像魔法一樣。345Please respect copyright.PENANAk8xAAZ3dkI
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工作時感覺到身體的糜爛感,我想體力應該消耗太多,實際上手上的葡萄糖可能都是為了避免不支倒地的幻想處境題,午飯也只食到一半,進食於我而言有如吸食二手煙般──是無法避免的時間或者說工序。345Please respect copyright.PENANA2GfyDtEI5X
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但我想盡力地接受,為了不想令人擔心,也是為了做好自己──這大概是吸血鬼假裝人類的感覺吧?345Please respect copyright.PENANA6NAMFsK6v5
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到了下午毒癮發作,那種身心不安定的感覺我很清楚,畢竟我算是經驗者。那一直深藏於手機中的「心理盬水」再次響起,鑽入耳中,令我漸漸進入麻醉狀態。345Please respect copyright.PENANAOj4VrkARtv
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陡然於工作中,有同事的呼召,我從麻醉狀態中醒來,發現不知不覺間已脫離了不安的狀態──看來若沒有了心理鹽水,我想我就沒法生存下去吧?345Please respect copyright.PENANAsHpdZH12Z3
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超時一小時才下班,身心皆有種離魂感,像是快要死去一般,這是抑鬱嗎?345Please respect copyright.PENANAvHoXfSfk3K
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她離開我真的影響我那麼多嗎?345Please respect copyright.PENANARrh3WPmFZg
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就連支持自己好好生活下去力量都沒有嗎?345Please respect copyright.PENANAJAjkmumo3v
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這是她的願望,她還有其他願望我也未和她實現,只是等待了幾天就這樣嗎?345Please respect copyright.PENANAdO5J6vQMQR
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心裡不斷提醒自己「撐住撐住」,但真的像是快要死一樣⋯⋯345Please respect copyright.PENANAvnt52V2d3D
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休息了一段時間,仍然很辛苦很難受,很想見她。345Please respect copyright.PENANADwIkGZn0I7
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食慾不振地食了飯,之後做了身和心的鍛練──音樂與健身,感覺快樂了一點。345Please respect copyright.PENANA3Pm2SevF8h
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用歌唱出心意,用力表達堅持。345Please respect copyright.PENANAxtUadF3WvU
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這或許是我唯一能做的事了。
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