46 手心45Please respect copyright.PENANAj9whTogd0a
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阿北看著前方,那在黑暗中斑駁岩巉的牆身。45Please respect copyright.PENANA1TEzqEpHNd
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空無一物的牆上,卻似浮現了崩裂纏繞的幻相。45Please respect copyright.PENANAIDBrVtL6gH
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楊希杰與方潔海的接吻事件,是一切的肇因。45Please respect copyright.PENANAx5gEO86C5g
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因為兩人在操場的角落接吻,被拍下照片放到網絡上,再被學校訓導處分;兩人進一步拒絕處分,而被即時開除開藉,在兩人被帶離學校那天的早上,兩人突然衝出操場,在操場中央接吻,那令整所學校震呆的場面。45Please respect copyright.PENANA8S8eVRAXsW
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許愛悠是因為這件事而公開表示要校規修訂,同時推倒十二大社團的高牆。有了她,才有了以後的一切。45Please respect copyright.PENANAZltIb46cRO
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阿北交握住許愛悠放在他胸前的手心,說道:45Please respect copyright.PENANARWzflRJGh3
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「妳嘅意思係……係妳令到楊希杰同方潔海被踢出校?」45Please respect copyright.PENANA1PKEfBupm0
45Please respect copyright.PENANAQ66mJbMmeI
許愛悠始終從後緊抱住阿北,她在他頸間搖起頭;「唔係……我無預到個結果係會係咁。我無諗到……佢地兩個會連第一次嘅處分都拒絕埋。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAOJ5d1rP8cd
45Please respect copyright.PENANAIqBzMl3Ie3
是她。許愛悠,因為要推動校規修訂,所以才來找曾經身為十二大社團的他,軟硬兼施逼使他參與在內。45Please respect copyright.PENANA1dZXN6VVUW
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然後,有了萬聖節的精靈之夜,有了聖誕節的校園祭。45Please respect copyright.PENANAqOk9mJDSxK
45Please respect copyright.PENANAUbc2Ie0sH5
對了。萬聖誕那天晚上。許愛悠曾經慌亂地給過他一個擁抱,以及一句未有解釋的道歉。45Please respect copyright.PENANAhMwijHXwKC
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「所以……」阿北握住許愛悠的手心說「妳並唔係因為佢地接吻,而推動校規修訂;事實,係相反……」45Please respect copyright.PENANAtuE2TH7Evb
45Please respect copyright.PENANA1DZpYXvBKc
許愛悠輕柔地呼吸著,那在吹拂的夜風中彷彿帶著沙啞。45Please respect copyright.PENANAkfv42Idpzc
45Please respect copyright.PENANAOR3JF5vI5V
「嗯……」許愛悠在他背後說「我、我……係我利用咗佢地兩個、即使我、我……知道佢地要俾人踢出校、我……我仍然繼續,因為,依個真係一個機會、一個機會,我可以改變到我一直想改變嘅校規、甚至認證社團制度……」45Please respect copyright.PENANAdDjHkVoOQs
45Please respect copyright.PENANAOCo97XFuSi
「純粹……因為係咁?」阿北問道。45Please respect copyright.PENANAUvaXBte8Z8
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許愛悠艱難地吐息著:「可能、可能……我唔知,我、我知道咁講好傻,但係,當我同林之年分咗手之後,當我離開學生會之後。我更加想證明、我……我唔需要學生會依個制度,都做到我想做嘅野。可能、我果陣好想證明俾林之年睇,我就算無咗佢,都有能力做到我想到嘅野。就算我唔接受佢為我而造票,就算我唔需要佢為我而擔心難過,我、我……我都可以做到……」45Please respect copyright.PENANA5hADuflDve
45Please respect copyright.PENANAp7xGZ8yRk6
許愛悠的手握得更緊,聲線愈來愈幽微,阿北閉上了眼。45Please respect copyright.PENANAwNLxH85Gdy
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如果從一開始就是許愛悠。那麼之後的所有,鄭雪蕾、郭允箏、范震升、程芳靈、楊希曦、何子晉。甚至尤天勇,Mimi,馬群陽……45Please respect copyright.PENANAeBcJFmvsqy
45Please respect copyright.PENANAyETYWo2Ydy
「點解妳依家要同我講。」阿北問道「其實我唔需要知,我只係因為妳──」45Please respect copyright.PENANAeh2pzmbbDU
45Please respect copyright.PENANALi2lxUgLLG
許愛悠又搖了搖頭,打斷了阿北的話:「唔係,你一定要知。阿北,你一定要知。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAj3yeO8VlCm
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「但係──」45Please respect copyright.PENANA8wErRU3jUi
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「如果有一個人要為所有野負責,果個人就係我。如果件事發展到依家而有任何後果,全部都係我應得。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAQaAo3kFIR3
45Please respect copyright.PENANAAa2MGvKwD1
許愛悠的聲線傳進夜裡,阿北仍然閉著眼。45Please respect copyright.PENANAEYqOA1J0Yl
45Please respect copyright.PENANAfTmHnW1QF3
從上學期至今的各種惡鬥,各種爭拗,各種喜怒哀樂,各種失望與驚喜。45Please respect copyright.PENANAibQsjfdN3g
45Please respect copyright.PENANAHZLvUVtZTa
當鄭雪蕾在操場上悲泣;當郭允箏承受鄭雪蕾的那一巴掌;當程芳靈在歐研中孤獨地等待范震升;當 Mimi 在更衣室中發難;當范震升必須窩在細小的圖書館裡。45Please respect copyright.PENANAN0OcWBS76u
45Please respect copyright.PENANAoTshaT8U4p
甚至到今天,他為她推動校規修訂。校內的手機使用與校園電視台爭議、楊希曦與鄭雪蕾所代表的不同陣營的對立。45Please respect copyright.PENANACFAe2rKaCn
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當陸運會跨欄事故發生後,楊希曦與他對質。45Please respect copyright.PENANAhjz4IZS420
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──當你決意要做一件事,就必然會引發其他結果──45Please respect copyright.PENANAY4RfPKpuiZ
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阿北想起在聖誕舞會的時候,他曾經想過代替她而犧牲。45Please respect copyright.PENANATzzhVKwC4J
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他仍然記得她那激動而錯愕的表情,那時的她連聲咒罵,那時的她堅持抗拒。45Please respect copyright.PENANAqJlsN0GReV
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也許從那時候起,她就決定要孤身背負這所有。45Please respect copyright.PENANADIyZTyk5JG
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「原來……」阿北說「林之年果日同妳講嘅,就係依一件事。」45Please respect copyright.PENANALNTKyY07SP
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「係……」許愛悠點著頭「你都知道,我一直無換舊手機,鏡頭有漏光……林之年有問訓導主任拎過啲相嚟睇,一睇就知係我影。」45Please respect copyright.PENANA1d9KuIRppt
45Please respect copyright.PENANAXDya6lnewi
阿北記得那時候她林之年步出禮堂,當她跟著出去時,那若有所思的複雜表情。45Please respect copyright.PENANA2xNCjSlIjv
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「咁佢點講?」45Please respect copyright.PENANAERMSPrSrw5
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許愛悠貼緊阿北的身體,她永遠會記得那天晚上的舞會,阿北抱住著她起舞的畫面,她永遠永遠都不會忘記。45Please respect copyright.PENANAS0tmkUYEOM
45Please respect copyright.PENANAHsX0w7GLQb
「林之年話『小悠,我真心希望妳相信自己做嘅野』」45Please respect copyright.PENANAEd11yBAoQX
45Please respect copyright.PENANAi4XUn5Kpnr
「愛悠,」阿北說「咁妳依家仲信唔信妳做嘅野。」45Please respect copyright.PENANA5meciZO2wU
45Please respect copyright.PENANAVAiJe5Pdui
「我真係唔知,」許愛悠把臉在阿北的頸間埋得更深「阿北,你所鍾意嘅我,你所想要去拯救嘅我;唔係因為有咩理念、理想,而不知不覺影響身邊所有人嘅女神──我只係,由頭到尾,從頭到尾,都只係一個任性嘅女仔。聖誕舞會嘅時候,其實你講得好岩,我一直想搵到一個人,叫我『停啦』,『唔好再落去喇』。唔止係咁,我可能、可能……比你講嘅更惡劣,只係因為我一個人嘅執著,就令到咁多人難過,引發咁多衝突,我亦……我亦根本無資格講咩平等、正義、愛與勇氣……我甚至無資格去講咩挑戰制度同框架,如果我話制度會產生問題,咁可能我嘅任性,同制度一樣咁惡劣……」45Please respect copyright.PENANA5SuAFUkcVd
45Please respect copyright.PENANAcHL4ZwPZVx
阿北聽著許愛悠變得粗重的鼻息,變得哽咽的聲線。45Please respect copyright.PENANAUaZJmQtAhe
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「我可能……比你地任何一個人,都無資格講『相信』。甚至尤天勇,佢都係為咗堅守林之年所教佢嘅野:甚至楊希曦,佢只係用佢代表嘅制度入面應有嘅手段,而我唔係,阿北。我只係,為咗我自己嘅任性,我完全無諗過任何後果,我從來唔理個世界、其他人會變成點。我利用過你地每一個人、林強、小弦、芳靈、何子晉。仲有你,阿北,我真係好鍾意你,我係講真,依一刻我好鍾意好鍾意你,但我亦從無諗過你會為我做咁多,你會為咗我不惜一切。對唔住,阿北……或者、或者……我依刻所擁有嘅野,其實已經比我該有嘅更多。或者、我唔想見到你、變成另一個我、我、我──」45Please respect copyright.PENANAs0jzdtzYNh
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「愛悠。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAhwLGRc58jE
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「嗯……」許愛悠輕輕應著。45Please respect copyright.PENANAD0KdfctmAZ
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阿北張開眼,在許愛悠的環抱下轉身,望向她那皎白像無血色的臉,她的雙眼從未如此深邃過,瞳孔隱沒著即將入缺的月相。45Please respect copyright.PENANAFMW2wn5070
45Please respect copyright.PENANAPgEKXPPVRP
阿北輕撫著她微溫的額頭,她緩緩地閉上了眼,阿北抱起她的身驅,讓她靠在他的肩上。 45Please respect copyright.PENANAqdX20xjLoK
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聖誕晚會的時候,他說過,她也許只是想有一個人,來勸她放棄所有的行動,來阻止她的任性。45Please respect copyright.PENANAPYFMWKTIb7
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但又也許不只如此,最佳的解答其實更簡單;比所有的對話與行動,還要更簡單。45Please respect copyright.PENANAemPiwVaYn3
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在失落、無助、懺悔、脆弱的盡頭;在懷疑、否定、放棄、幻滅的往後。45Please respect copyright.PENANAIP04EsS2qn
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阿北始終沒有放開許愛悠的手心。45Please respect copyright.PENANAvr73WYKfyy
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「其實,」他說「妳啲鬆餅真係好好食,我係認真,真係好好食。」45Please respect copyright.PENANA308YTm4W22
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許愛悠雙眼驟怔,混雜著不解與錯愕,可是就在一瞬之間,她終於明白了什麼。45Please respect copyright.PENANA2ha7vTmfZW
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她咬著抖著的嘴唇,幽冷的雙眼突然充滿了輝映漫溢的流光,如月夜般滿盈的淚水從她眼角細流而出。45Please respect copyright.PENANAa6tjlIqfxk
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「痴線……」許愛悠低下頭掩起自己的雙眼,雙手輕敲起阿北的胸口,低泣著說「你條痴線佬,你知唔知自己講緊啲乜呀……」45Please respect copyright.PENANArtI4253UOG
45Please respect copyright.PENANAsRcBQnakFg
「雖然妳話啲麵粉過咗期,」阿北抱緊許愛悠說「雖然個樣係有啲奇怪,但我真係好鍾意佢咬落去嘅味道;仲有,妳之前整嘅肉醬意粉又係,雖然唔知點解乾濕分離咁款,啲肉醬又雞又豬又牛,但食落去又出奇地好味。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAUn3SglOuC1
45Please respect copyright.PENANAXo0ty8l6LX
「乜野呀,」許愛悠破涕為笑,猛打著阿北的肩頭「邊有乾濕分離呀,痴線……」45Please respect copyright.PENANAmVyqtqyn2W
45Please respect copyright.PENANAAqpHt8rmDo
「仲有,妳仲唔記得妳上次整個『舊』蔥油餅呀,Well,佢真係『一舊』蔥油餅,但唔知點解我食下食下又食曬;仲有個堆 Tiramisu,嘩,份子料理咁嘅樣,但又好食喎;然後個碟螢光咖哩,入面又蟹柳又魚蛋,打邊爐咩,但又食到我停唔到──」45Please respect copyright.PENANAt5JY1cCBQA
45Please respect copyright.PENANA8ZEtKkR95t
阿北訴說著許愛悠造過給他的每一道菜,每一份既失敗又成功的午餐。45Please respect copyright.PENANALY2fUjhEoG
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每一次他總不斷抱怨那些食物的特異外觀,但又每一次都吃得一滴不漏。45Please respect copyright.PENANA7OncXkdZzI
45Please respect copyright.PENANAHu0R4D3RI6
阿北一邊說著,許愛悠的心壓縮地陣痛,被包覆的雙手緊握顛動,不斷抽泣卻又忍不住一路傻笑。45Please respect copyright.PENANAPblUwWFOar
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她的手,她的心,從未如此沉重,又從未如此輕盈,恍惚不再屬於自己。45Please respect copyright.PENANAFsmJQr5LeP
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「你條死仔,到底點解、到底點解……你要咁對我……」45Please respect copyright.PENANAfru4VZerV4
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阿北緊抱住哭著的她,撫著她的背,模仿起許愛悠平常的神態:45Please respect copyright.PENANA0z8jp9Z7GN
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「關妳咩事呀,超~我揀嘅。」45Please respect copyright.PENANASEQf0kBGkE
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許愛悠終於放聲痛哭。45Please respect copyright.PENANAdv0uiFCpfI
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那抑壓了整整大半年──不,可能是從她離開林之年、離開學生會的時候,就累積下來的淚水。45Please respect copyright.PENANAlarTiDYq2X
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她驟然失去了所有的信念與堅持,她再沒有值得相信的事物,她由此至終都是孤身一人。45Please respect copyright.PENANASDa6vt41zH
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但她又終於找到真正的解答,她曾經以為正確的答案,竟全都是虛無的選項,真正的圓滿卻原來就在那些微不足道的瞬間。45Please respect copyright.PENANAZIOBALpOef
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那些只是日常又像是奇蹟,只是偶然又像是注定的瞬間。45Please respect copyright.PENANAH73Suo7VEp
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阿北抱住許愛悠慟哭著的身體,聽著那來自她身體最深處,源源不絕的哭聲。45Please respect copyright.PENANALEpsxt7I0J
45Please respect copyright.PENANAGV7qNXh42r
「許愛悠,」阿北再次說道「如果妳話依一切係妳應得嘅,咁樣嘅話,我阿北點都唔會放過妳。」45Please respect copyright.PENANATKhWjOALi5
45Please respect copyright.PENANANBmCUhV4l8
許愛悠抬起頭,抱向阿北肩上,把沾著淚溫的臉頰旁在他的臉旁,用乾啞的聲線笑著說:45Please respect copyright.PENANAs3qozzLJhG
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「我都係呀,打靶仔,如果你放過我嘅話,我依一世都唔會放過你。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAHZp9qTEjb2
45Please respect copyright.PENANARr6aTS5Ytp
阿北抹去許愛悠臉上的淚水:「我咪同妳講過,我最怕見到女人喊。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAfBpeKcAYSZ
45Please respect copyright.PENANAmcXhSZnuyC
「唔係丫,OK 呀。」許愛悠擺出任性的笑臉說「我得閒無事會喊多幾次,等你習慣下嫁啦。」45Please respect copyright.PENANABny0CPXqMn
45Please respect copyright.PENANAlLJO9rhzuA
許愛悠抱住阿北的頸間,阿北用指頭抹淨她漸漸住止的淚水。45Please respect copyright.PENANA2QMAEaJAIY
45Please respect copyright.PENANAWc4WwlF1oa
「咁依家……又點呢?」45Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7GoMrLHqu
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「唔……」許愛悠呶了呶嘴尖「今次應該無紀彤師姐突然衝出嚟,拉開我地兩個。」45Please respect copyright.PENANA2Vv0LVwthG
45Please respect copyright.PENANA2U620muFbb
阿北抹著許愛悠的髮梢:「妳真係唔等到去操場?」45Please respect copyright.PENANAwGar2na16a
45Please respect copyright.PENANAI7YCVFlXEw
「如果……」許愛悠握起阿北的手「真係去唔到,咁點算呀?」45Please respect copyright.PENANAFUa23XOa5U
45Please respect copyright.PENANA6IDFbA5GRT
「但學期仲未結束,」阿北再次扣起許愛悠的指間「係我地畢業之前,雪蕾BB、小郭,我同阿強都仲繼續有機會改變到校規,可以取消妳嘅處分,可以等我地終於係操場上面接吻。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAN9GUxaSmWv
45Please respect copyright.PENANAigbDjAYhGp
許愛悠猶有淚光的眼廉低垂下來:「你應該知道,對我嚟講其實已經唔重要。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAqguLCt6Crz
45Please respect copyright.PENANApx2sZDlmdQ
「正正係咁,」阿北說「對我嚟先更加重要,更加需要由我,去陪妳繼續行落去。」45Please respect copyright.PENANABdTU7XJ42F
45Please respect copyright.PENANAEDhQee4IWy
許愛悠嫣然嬌笑,那像孩子般清爽的笑聲:「死仔北,話唔定我最大嘅報應,就係你呀。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAobt65NELeq
45Please respect copyright.PENANAYch62MyDV0
阿北抱住許愛悠的腰:「我 hea 咗五半年,可能上天係派妳用愛與勇氣嚟懲罰我。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAWeg0teBZoV
45Please respect copyright.PENANAvNlqcFHa1Y
「哈哈,」許愛悠不禁笑著,但還是低下了頭「但我講真嫁,阿北。我多謝你仲堅持去幫我,但其實我真係無所謂啦。真係嫁,而且……」45Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8oFAidDgE
45Please respect copyright.PENANACs8Cv6KDI5
阿北見許愛悠欲言之止:「嗯?」45Please respect copyright.PENANAdh0FOEa1IC
45Please respect copyright.PENANAKaOon3lrls
「都係無野啦,」許愛悠挽起美滿的微笑「點呀,今晚係我攬住你訓,定你攬住我訓呀?」45Please respect copyright.PENANAQPGwv2LY4x
45Please respect copyright.PENANA5GT9g73Rhd
阿北本來想要追問,但見她難得又破涕為笑,又說:「吓?妳今晚係度訓?咁范震升呢?」45Please respect copyright.PENANAEFkmsZ0Zgo
45Please respect copyright.PENANA86GThHmRGD
許愛悠搖了搖頭說:「我唔知呀,頭先我吹完頭髮行出嚟,見到佢拎住本書走咗出去,我先入嚟嫁咋。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAyjx489S1uW
45Please respect copyright.PENANAgk1HfdBCQM
「唔係……妳駛走佢嫁咩?」阿北意外地說。45Please respect copyright.PENANA37yhW4wjki
45Please respect copyright.PENANA96STbrXmv0
「唔係呀。」許愛悠也瞪大眼晴意外地說「從來都唔係,佢連手機都無,我點俾暗示佢。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAWblF8qAYid
45Please respect copyright.PENANAB7h3O8rtmH
「咁芳靈佢依家……」45Please respect copyright.PENANAq1IpTymEmF
45Please respect copyright.PENANAM5gknl6qgi
「我去吹頭髮之前,佢話好似要去廚房拎熱水……」45Please respect copyright.PENANAqNxB7zlvxH
45Please respect copyright.PENANAOo1mCx6ZeX
阿北與許愛悠默然對望,然後又像突然明白了什麼。45Please respect copyright.PENANA5kx82F22Kj
45Please respect copyright.PENANAF3SDJTlW8M
「睇嚟,」阿北說道「我地要向來兩位師弟妹學習下。」45Please respect copyright.PENANAbBe4XuvNW6
45Please respect copyright.PENANA6ujNo80Nxd
「真係,」許愛悠偷笑說「佢地先真係什麼鬼也不怕。」45Please respect copyright.PENANALCo2ve4DoB
45Please respect copyright.PENANArF4gnm5jco
45Please respect copyright.PENANAvAcFkFxGsF