我和一個o camp女女的故事 (已完結) - 五十三

五十三

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球證衝過黎向我出示紅牌趕我出場！

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「喂，我唔係有心架！」我衝向球證解釋：「唔好趕我出場呀！」

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港大有幾個球員衝過黎推開我：「屌你老母！你條仆街踢波定踢人呀？」

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屌你老味推鳩我？我呢幾日已經好撚心煩，我而家就打柒你老母。

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「屌你老母你講乜撚野呀！」我回擊，想衝過去還拖推返佢地。

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「冷靜呀！阿威！」突然有人拉住我，我回頭一望係阿熙：「你想停多幾場賽？」

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「佢屌我老母呀！」我怒吼！我唔撚打柒佢我唔姓梁！

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「冷靜呀威仔！」今次係代隊長森遜把聲…

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「冷靜呀，你想累撚死我地？」捉實我既阿熙怒吼：「你已經紅撚左啦！」

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我呆左。

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我向周圍望左一望，原來雙方唔少隊友已經衝左過黎，有啲係有小小推撞，有啲係走埋黎勸交。

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其實…

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我知我踢低對面明顯單刀既球員係要食紅牌的…

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點解…

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點解我要咁衝動…

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點解我要發吽哣…

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我冷靜左落黎…

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雙手抱住頭…

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跪左響度…

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我究竟做左啲乜…

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我企返起身嘗試向球證再求情：「唔好趕我出場呀…我真係唔係有心架…」

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預計之內，球證都懶得出聲，淨係手指指住更衣室叫我走…

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響幾位隊友力勸之下我低下頭慢慢離開球場…

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我先走向後備席…

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對住陳sir、隊長同隊友們九十度鞠躬…

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「對唔住。」我眼泛淚光…

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陳sir乜都冇講，淨係拍一拍我膊頭。

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我唔敢同隊友們有任何眼神接觸…

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更加唔敢同看台上既Jenny有任何眼神接觸…

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我dup低頭行返入更衣室…

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諗住沖個涼，但係我發覺自己根本冇出過汗已經比人趕左出場…

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我坐左響更衣室入面…思潮起伏…

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最後我決定即使冇乜點出汗都好，都求其沖個涼淋一淋個身。

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淋醒自己呀…

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水由花灑頭流出，淋落我個頭度…

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「以後要對你女朋友好啲呀。」

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阿冰既聲音又響個腦入面走返出黎…

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我將花灑較到凍水，希望令沖個凍水涼令個人再清醒小小…

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沖完。

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「以後要對你女朋友好啲呀。」

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呢句野好似揮之不去咁。

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反正我比球證趕左出場返唔到後備席，不如上看台陪下Jenny吧…

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冇錯，要對佢好啲呀。

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我行出更衣室走上看台，粒聲唔出咁坐左響Jenny隔離。

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唔知係咪因為見我啱啱比人趕左出場，塊面黑過仲黑過舊炭，所以Jenny冇特別撩我傾計，淨係橋住我，將個頭挨響我膊頭。

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橋到好實。

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我望住個分牌，我地輸緊0比1。

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係因為我既關係…

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我dup低頭將個頭埋左響雙手入面…冇出聲。

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忽然覺得有隻好柔順既手撫摸緊我既頭髮，又有把溫柔既聲音對住我講：「唔好唔開心啦，我點都會響你隔離陪住你架。」

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心中一痛。

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Jenny你唔好對我咁溫柔啦…

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罪惡感又充斥全身…

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呢幾日個人都係咁…混亂、矛盾、罪惡、後悔…

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如果我個人係player格或者會好啲，但我唔係。

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我只係個人渣。

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「嗯。」我抬一抬起頭，不置可否，冇再出聲。

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罪惡感令我乜都唔夠膽講。

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只係靜靜地觀看比賽。

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但我感覺到，Jenny橋得我更緊了。

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下半場開始冇幾耐，我地又再次失守，後備入替既中堅阿全比人力壓頂入。

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呢球波如果係我呢種高大中堅既話應該可以頂得住…

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0比2了。

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阿熙見狀由前場衝返後場執波，兼且周圍勉勵隊友，甚有大將之風。

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相比之下身為佢同房既我真係垃圾。

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無論係作為男人定係作為一個球員。

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Jenny靠響我身邊冇再出過聲，我有一刻以為佢訓左，但當我望向佢果陣，發覺佢都望緊我。

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四目交投。

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我尷尬地移開目光。

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我諗我今日對Jenny既反應一定會令佢覺得我有啲問題。

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由見到佢開始完全冇出聲咁滯、同佢四目交投我竟然會尷尬、我坐足咁耐黑足咁耐面…

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其實我想好似平時咁同Jenny正常相處，但我發覺罪惡感、後悔、不安等等令我保持唔到以前同Jenny相處既樣同態度。

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連普通咁講野都做唔到…

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只要Jenny唔係智障既佢一定發覺到有唔妥。

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我準備好隨時受到逼供。

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我已經諗定所有大話，到時見招拆招。

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但係意外地，Jenny淨係挨住我攬住我，乜都冇講。

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攬到好實好實。

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唔通…佢以為我係因為比人紅牌趕左出場所以心情唔好，先至粒聲唔出兼全程黑面？

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一定係咁，一定係咁…

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Jenny只係顧及我既感受，所以體諒我唔出聲，絕對唔係懷疑我出軌…

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我繼續望返落球場，睇住隊友們努力咁比賽…我地打少一個，落後緊兩球，仲要比人㩒住黎打…

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都係因為我犯錯…

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然後…

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阿熙把握僅有既機會，追返一球！

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我即刻響看台度彈起身，為隊友們打氣！

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但可惜…為時已晚，最後我地以1比2落敗…

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我自責…頹然坐低…

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Jenny繼續攬實我…佢既身體好溫暖…我諗起自己對佢既背叛…

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屌，我忍唔住，喊撚左出黎…

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係為左今日場波連累球輸波？定係因為覺得自己對Jenny唔住？

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「以後要對你女朋友好啲呀。」

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我有資格嗎？

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五十三

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