You're going to leave pretty soon or you've probably already left I don't know but either way I'll be left here all alone in my plain and boring monotonous world which you once lit up like the Christmas lights you see in new York . I hoped that we could see it together someday while holding hands and staring into each others eyes under the lights but yes obviously that's wishful thinking now . I am left here in a world without you a world that is scarce of happiness and hope o my filled with sorrow and resentment rage and hate and surprisingly love . Now my world is without you thus it is without happiness. Even though you're still alive I still grieve  you I mourn for you I mourn for our future for our past and for my present . Even though you're no where near my sight anymore I still have you tightly held inside my heart . I don't know if I can ever throw you out of there . It feels impossible I probably never will . You were a bad man a man who shouldn't be labelled human but I love you. I still try to convince myself that you're a good man what kind of a fool does that make me I wonder and how bad am I to love and desire and resent such a bad man like you I wonder . Every moment we shared together whether it was good or bad I don't care I still cherish them more than I would ever cherish anything else . You are my everything i cannot imagine a life where you're not . The moments where you scarred me even those moments are precious to me how foolish of me my god but yes they are I loved staring into those beautiful eyes of yours even in those moments . I love you I truly do . After everything you've done to me I still love you I still want you and I always will I am yours and always will be but you never loved me and never will and you were mine and never will be . I hope you're happy now . And once again I want to say I love you .