And this is why I'm taking so long. See if you can spot the mistakes in this little paragraph:
The woman's breath is hot now behind her. Rouge trails her long nails across the back of Merryn neck.
I've got 3k words if this to fix. The tenses, misplaced comnas, over description, (left hand/right hand.) Ugg!
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Rouge's breath hot on her neck, her nails trailed down stinging.
There!
↪The womens breath is hot, while Rouge traces her long nails along Merryns neck.?
I have that problem too, but keep it confined per chapter. Merryn usually leads then Parcival. I like keeping them even as I consider them both the main pov's.
Some povs are hard to slide into others the words fly. You ever have a character that just won't 'talk?' lol. Merryn would just grunt and growl at people if I let her. ^_~ (l joke).
Thanks :) That means a lot!
Thank you, but no. The tences are still wrong, I write in deep pov (close third) So its a bit different.
Her hand flowed over Merryn's face, and touched her eyes.
She blinked, all was hazy, then this faded to black. Her breath stuck in her throat, she hyperventilated and wheezed.
"What did you do!" She shreaked.
She backed away hands held out, tryingto find something, anything! She smacked into the chair, tripped and fell to her knees.
Rouges voice appeared before her.
"You will have to the count of five to hide. If I fail to find you, your sight will be restored. If you find me first I will let you pass."
Shuffling now.
"Their are five ball bearings in this hourglass. When the last one falls, I will seek."
The woman's breath; hot on her neck. Rouge's sharp nails trailed down stinging.
"The count starts, now."