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Three Years Later…
Keegan
It’s been three years since Blue was taken away from me. Three agonizingly long years. But it’s almost over now.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUaGmtVf7U
It could have been a lot longer. Blue was originally sentenced to eight years in prison. Eight years. Just thinking about that now makes my stomach drop.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztOSzmlJ1G
I cried out when the sentence was read in the courtroom. Like a fool, I screamed at the panel that convicted him. I screamed at the judge. I couldn’t control myself. The sentence seemed so unfair, so pointless.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUsAaDu8I6
Naturally, I was thrown out by the bailiff. So I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Blue before he was taken away.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqM3yZoXfnX
Devastated, I went home to my room at the ranch. I curled up into a ball on my bed and stayed that way for the next week.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WcnKbK8Zp
I didn’t bathe; I barely ate. I just wanted to sleep all the time, to dream that Blue was right next to me, tangled up with me.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvHAz86Xlb
I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I was mad at the Army, mad at the world, mad at God.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SpDtfZ3AO
Most of all, I was so goddamn angry at myself. If I hadn’t written everything down in my journal, none of this would’ve happened.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOEEAKs45r
I didn’t see any way to go on. Not without Blue. Not for eight years, without Blue.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPXXirt16X
When I finally emerged from my self-pitying coccoon and started acting somewhat sane, Virginia gave me the letter from Blue.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLymqB81mgR
He’d intended for me to have it right away. But Holmlund was worried how it would affect me. So he gave the letter to my grandmother and asked her to give it to me when she thought the time was right.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOrtH2Wauy
I was pissed that she held it for so long. More than pissed. I was fucking furious at both her and Holmlund. How dare they make that decision?176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY2Bf0vNmr
I screamed at my grandmother. I told her she had no right to withhold the letter from me. I stormed out of the house and into the barn, saddled Okie and took off at a gallop with the letter still unopened in my jeans pocket.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfb11B2sRsa
I didn’t read it until I reached the cabin. I went up to the loft, to the bed where I’d spent so many nights with Blue, ripped open the letter, and read it through, slowly, three times.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ijBOJNIyf
Then I cried for what felt like forever.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5PwZr6b77
But after that, I got angry at Blue. I mean, I understood what he was trying to do. He was thinking of me, of what he thought was best for me.
But did he really think I would just walk away and forget I ever knew him? Did he really think I could do that?176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡry0BJPGMk0
By the time I headed back toward the house, it was dusk. I took it slow, giving Okie his lead, moving at a gentle pace through the dark. I cried a little more, thinking about my romantic ride through the darkness with Blue several months ago. It seemed like another lifetime, when we did that.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2EHgrpX1O
But I also started thinking about something Holmlund told me earlier when he called to check on me and Virginia literally had to force the phone into my hand.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRl3p2xfIwP
“Keegan,” Holmlund said, “do you remember I told you the day the verdict was read that it wasn’t the end, that I still had some tricks up my sleeve?176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYBupHvO2V
I didn’t answer: I just stood there silently, sulking like a baby. But I was listening.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHofr66hkW
Holmlund went on, telling me about the Army Clemency and Parole Board.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMY2EWlgqsQ
“After nine months, Blue can request clemency from the board. That means his sentence could be set aside completely or at least reduced, if we can convince the board that he deserves it.”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPHJFlMAZc
And that lit a little flame of hope inside me. Clemency. If anybody deserves clemency, it is Blue Daniels.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA07glyQaVY
First though, we had to get through the initial nine months.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHJC6PNxxa
It took two months before I was allowed to visit Blue at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. That’s because at first, he wouldn’t sign the permission form to have me cleared to come to the prison.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTMRskDDnw
He wouldn’t even make the collect call to the ranch that he was allowed once a week. He called his mother, but not me.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUou2Q21SR
He was applying tough love, I guess. He wanted me to do what he’d asked me to do in the letter. He wanted me to walk away.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4iFLEz7NY
But I was not going anywhere. And I was going to make Blue talk to me.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxR7AE1M9Ri
So I drove to Tulsa, to his mom’s house. A sympathetic Maria had told me when he was supposed to call her, and when he did, she answered and then handed the phone to me, walking away to give us some privacy.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprXKqe7L4w
I just stood there for a minute, holding the phone, debating what to say.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTFBPjc9u2
“Hello?” I heard Blue say. “Mama?”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIl6KxV8sHk
Then I exploded. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6gX4sS9YG
Silence on the other end. And then, finally, his voice, weak and uncertain. “Keegan?”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpgAlPz9BK
“Answer my question!” I snapped. “What is wrong with you? What do you think you’re doing, cutting me out like this? Do you know what it’s doing to me, Blue? Do you?”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0Tatht7B0
He didn’t answer, so I barreled on.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64orsiLKIG
“How dare you send me a letter like that and then just expect me to walk away. Like I could even do that. What the hell were you thinking, huh? And, then, then, you pull this crap of not letting me come see you, not calling me?”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIhjfec94u
He was still not responding, and I was working myself into a frenzy.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHb7YyDv7A
“You’re just a . . . a stubborn jackass! I’m not going anywhere, do you understand me? You are stuck with me. If I have to drive up to that prison and stand outside all day, every day, ‘til you sign that form, I’ll do it. You are not getting rid of me that easy. So don’t even think I’m walking away from you!”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yddQZJhjv
Still, there was silence. I began to wonder if he’d hung up. But listening closer, I could hear his shallow breathing. The kind of breaths you take when you’re crying.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uJceSsDDf
“For God’s sake, Blue, say something!”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkjTWozW1M
There was another long pause. “Eight years is too long, Keegan,” he finally said, sighing, his voice small and miserable. “It’s just too long. I can’t let you wait around for me, don’t you get that? I can’t do it.”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqd0KqlA91L
“You have no choice. Do you get that, Blue? You. Have. No. Choice.”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQp6nO8hL1
My body couldn’t decide at that moment whether to start screaming again or break down crying.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSec1WXHz0
“I’m waiting.” Now I'm half shouting and half crying. “And you are not shutting me out!"176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZNGL6CD8H
I let my words hang there a moment. Then I went on a tad more calmly.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOdDCB0XAR
"Besides, it won’t be eight years. Don’t you remember the clemency board Holmlund talked about? We already have a plan on that. So don’t think you’re getting rid of me. I told you, I will come up to that prison and stand outside of it every fucking day until you let me in. And I mean it!”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqqQFmAAsg
He did eventually sign the form, and Maria and I started taking turns driving up to see Blue. And he started calling me at the ranch as often as he could.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGr8e5EApmn
It wasn’t nearly enough. But it was better than nothing.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCiQwo0C6m
And that’s where Blue's music started to help. It was out there, being consumed, being shared, moving hearts and minds. Frasier Bryson was doing everything in his power to tell Blue's story, to advocate for him.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04nzhnsxB3
At the same time, Virginia was pulling political strings, calling in favors.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSsJxCJWN4
All of us—me, Holmlund, Virginia, Maria, Bryson —threw ourselves into the effort to get clemency for Blue.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUTgy2T84N
His conviction generated headlines around the world, and we did everything possible to keep his name and face and cause in the public eye for those nine long months before he could apply.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRjnrJcKPY
And public opinion started to change. You could feel it.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6b18nJGToE
I mean, there were still plenty of haters out there. I tried to avoid seeing the venom online. We still had to be careful with our own security.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwQ1JLxUw3
But by the time Holmlund filed an appeal with the clemency board, public sympathy for Blue seemed at an all-time high.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZbGZrVeiI
And when the board met, Cunny’s mom miraculously showed up to speak on Blue’s behalf, saying she believed clemency was what her son would want.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIYGxuMpax
Blue broke down and sobbed as she spoke. So did I.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGT1ZU3u2nw
Even with all that, though, it took almost a year. The board dithered and delayed its decision. Holmlund said there must have been some strong opposition to granting Blue clemency.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtObcWnYCRU
But finally—finally—we got word he would be released just after his three-year incarceration date.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqtkiWzvwQ
And now, I’m on the highway, almost to the Leavenworth exit. I’m going to pick him up, bring him home to the ranch.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYNWkk2CA7
Maria was kind enough to let me come by myself, to give us a little time alone together. She’s waiting at the ranch for him, along with Bryson.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIYqt4Jwac
They’re a couple now. I guess when they met, they made an instant connection. Kind of like me and Blue.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBypcx7wJLh
They were scared to tell Blue about it at first. They didn’t know how he’d react. But he’s been okay with it. In fact, I think he’s thrilled.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaTCqzlPld
“Who would have thought?” he laughed in our last phone call. “Bryson and my mom.”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Q7tiEHD30
I’m beyond excited to get Blue out of prison. My body and my soul have ached for him every day, every second, that’s he been away. I’ve driven myself crazy thinking about what he’s gone through at Leavenworth.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVlYCXHVwf
I can’t wait for him to touch me, hold me, make love to me. I want him to be rough and tender and crazed with passion and wild with adoration, all at the same time.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0T5DZmfGI
But I’m also nervous about our reunion. About how it will be between us. Three years is a long time, and inevitably, we’ve both changed.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScmTOuLqOA
Blue’s sadder, more introspective. I can see it in his eyes when I visit, hear it in his words.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡda5naDeyEg
He’s been a model prisoner, teaching music classes to inmates, writing more songs. He’s a better, stronger person now, I think.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmyhc9vOzY
I’ve changed, too. At least I hope I have. The last three years have helped me grow up.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZlEtkczRE
I’ve spent a lot of my time with my grandmother, helping care for her. That nagging cough that’s dogged her was diagnosed as lung cancer not long after Blue’s conviction.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeobtt4l4dv
Just when it felt like we were getting closer, building the kind of relationship we should have had all along, I may be about to lose her.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWDZyvVdcy
I don’t know how much longer she has. The doctors say probably not more than a year. But they don’t understand what a tough old bird Virginia Cooke is. She may surprise us all.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHUVB87lqZ
She’s still prickly, still regularly gets under my skin. But I understand her a lot better now.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8HWqz5WHX
I’m about to finish my degree at OU. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to Ikana, assuming they’d have let me come back. It just wouldn’t be the same.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0C2MIFIXF
And I’ve applied for law school. Not because my grandmother wanted it, but because, after what we’ve experienced, I’m a lot more interested in becoming a lawyer than I ever thought I’d be.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVYUWFlW7w
I might still go into journalism. But I like the idea of having a law degree as well.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMyBn9t37e
In a surprising turn of events, my brother is now a student at Ikana. Buick is apparently breaking hearts all over campus.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWG0EGSmwE
But that’s another story.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKlwPXunNC
I see the Leavenworth sign up ahead and turn on my signal.176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKDjvajbzG
“I’m almost there, Blue,” I say. “I’m almost there.”176Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHXK6n8sTb
~~~
Only two chapters left in this story! The final version of Tangled Up in Blue will soon be available in ebook and paperback. Sign up for my newsletter, and you'll be the first to know when it's ready!
Interested in Keegan’s sexy brother Buick? He's got a searing story of his own that will start soon here on Penana! Be sure to follow me so you don't miss You Belong to Me. 😊
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