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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqAiRsTjz3
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRo4jehcdqW
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecBAmaGa2u
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nV6QxxeYA
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjnRUN4JqC
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAdhN5d2bd
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3de27GdxV
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkr9sBCIvB
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbyT1wxBpU
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3odn0PyzMn
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeEjwNR73u
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFAkK7K3GH
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWukaFXvcoJ
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGzDrRkJ87
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ba0kTgmuG
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEUNutbHuW
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIwrLSYHB1
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMGAn3k3Wm
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Jqf7vFvNh
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSM98epqvFd
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBB79U8xsWl
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0pErO9S5t
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GF198psvG
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhggueZHW5V
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWZTpMnYbv
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3r2VdFFr4M
You've met?
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yOjjVGqVT
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmveVVLgs5
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyhNIYX5gV
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PMq7ZPn1x
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUzqPb72wL
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6czCcQGeiX
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡax880nF8VX
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLhj9jLKVB
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3odq2b2zci
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHD7zjjNUz
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymKZE7Hhzc
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZS1zBbWbr
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah8gNrfjek
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiV54E1jfa
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbP6635E33c
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9JimGA1lZ
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2f2Zi9G66p
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlO1bmjbtTz
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0H5U04nuHP
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlnxzkYbCr
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwmSpNtocm
I know that already!
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DjxGldg7t
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UGixqRIn9
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTULUD22bs
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡul2wUvKPb8
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQqCy3mDNo
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncpCweRAXz
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7DObUJvqR
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlrUIQxqlK
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotyEwcsFTZ
No you're not!
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SHARON199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtV6936lC9f
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nI9ITUcIL
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJd1fVVPDIN
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBwmDatNNp
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwisbLAqTz
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMSLqDdxDy
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXs8Nqpuh2l
What?
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4sLWM6Obn
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1jdqT7GyA
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhrl22UPeT
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEOYHmeHeL
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4skwX7sAN
Long enough.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHLf3M22pj
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1e1ZHtpvM1
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPMgIStz5v
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlstMkMZYem
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZlO8cGnfL
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7eFVyKn6i
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBw4AOgXL8
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDHSQkozYW
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrde1BRhn7
Well, if you insist.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXdcQzWZho
GREGORY takes the ring.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy9bOEUi1Q
GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIjrkX6otO
Thank you.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1nImDAsRf
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEGWliudgO
GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78Bc2jNq1k
Does this mean you want me back?
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeunOZilfee
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs31T6158xR
HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOCvxElFEA
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrE88mzAcPL
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvt2ea2O3m
GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFTka7cHut
Well you can't have me.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHUi4ewDGF
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2U0Dw3XDIF
HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgrOSnyyeo
WHAT?
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3HFOevZMn
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJtTXrjTAy
GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCD25xfuF1
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qAPvhkece
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oVXdBf5kW
HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvEefNwXR9
But...
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKpf2R2uDa
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5tcHQpNMl
GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MFprGt9r0
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuNfxq7J7c
CHANTAL grins.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TGALZxi1t
HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWd5Wcs7kwq
But...
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHl0lO006bN
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBtV51pcp4
CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr00CmbO3NR
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmLNZp4h0d
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHK2Kd4f6u
HARRY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScIFHY2cNs
Gregory?
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4vz6INfw7
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxV04qOW7h
GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1FcqDKNtH
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMLiUR28FE
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXf5WXrrniQ
CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQ7ZEuuBQb
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5LYZYQfgS
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTB2FcXhzXe
GREGORY199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPc2Rsuc0d
Of course you are!
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HZtgqJDSV
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwYaQZvbHT
CHANTAL199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Eucdu3IHC
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBfKnaGcnR
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGXviFeIWY
THE END
ns3.131.93.117da2
