INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8aUFRLVl9
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsQfgQkIDg
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzQevLYHfj
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7olbRezLOJ
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj25q048cst
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIeDnMgxsc
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXEmltNEvv
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwd7qa0HIo
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCKUHc6A8s
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3QC5uUGkt
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLYqGEpC9w
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHXzIcQhka
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeYt8nF8Fm
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYOmYZJvLW
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKVMIZDfLk
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzHdbrhn4w
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghhB1TjUBJ
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1MsKXrhtX
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWa7Df07UtN
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwaP8f0utt
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vBuwjIfJZ
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTc0lhtdwdc
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQnQlYVuLM
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dlY9jUpS3
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FsWBBbplx
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWt71WqjuF
You've met?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXewHPYogZ
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnj0ki8dobV
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2FpXPMjAG
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jZ1Cb138z
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKAEXwsZ6i
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9PI3RrXUu
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJRqJIeHsZ
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ512H3fXHYR
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBQySgPFWX
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfLpfxClJ9
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXx1eHbNEX
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwT9Sb90zSK
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvXTvv3t3b
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MUJOKawuZ
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7Pyxq9ljh
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVu9giIlZ0F
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oHgb2IPPL
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegngLEzemz
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52sCAYzZIx
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjeKDIJ47G
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNz2CxAhGWy
I know that already!
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItdMvRfU7E
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObSZfZ1Zql
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Lb77g0S1N
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXuONOsZiX
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAnCeBDL6r
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4TYdfGT3N
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tM1MPTUK5
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJynnaNKMuC
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUAwNpUIsf
No you're not!
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3CkqdAFnu
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvymZQ62tj
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNVCk1gBwD
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQH6GoVxRmH
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCXRq7z7aY
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEAiPmjPf2
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEg3lHLxVY
What?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4YH443yWg
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4p8H4YLW6
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Kh9Dym2Vi
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5jEDAAbkn
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5r5HwXT5TE
Long enough.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVuKn3uMHA
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLMqKfMSqC
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8fA3xS2tO
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWftkxiCrc
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMVhqxDDUV
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyzYUeaI1N
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkuyixvlla
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjUKGcJSzq
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjqkwIqxLF
Well, if you insist.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqLSPNPY1G
GREGORY takes the ring.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrscne7AIID
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcesmipRKSA
Thank you.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uAN0wzuqx
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6x0o24AFz
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3jRuIcIEs
Does this mean you want me back?
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTEw0Sx4Z7
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSnJMGk1PG
HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6Poh184wZ
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0RGBrBw83
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriyoD3pbMy
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlb0TUkT0J5
Well you can't have me.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpxuwHliH2
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aATlthus8
HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHlMCfcE5f
WHAT?
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8XYbis5rN
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyHUOYBpUZ
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3zvNKsp54
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lyWXMpVtZ
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3mMOh9aPU
HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvAXRXHWqc
But...
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ624OcI0hI7
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqZD7oBZez
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjh8XBORSL
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafkL2vJbGO
CHANTAL grins.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAL6Lwkfug
HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33xUbSbDwE
But...
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ741qcurvUS
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2ELHTVBSP
CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcYFPJ2w4m
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAVNki4W9a
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40Cy7Amrcq
HARRY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4zI32ceUh
Gregory?
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PjwRASmSQ
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0T0Wxaiyl5
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokITjumtJZ
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPXEQOkmHu
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSEBl9ucCT
CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1HodDHrlm
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvdrDVtsoS
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuqazCbRbQ
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJhYvMN7dN
Of course you are!
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjVmSDlBnJ
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisy5gPqDuS
CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf33dvRNLE
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNkhUtGvl1
267Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhy6ZQwz64G
THE END
ns216.73.216.82da2
