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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEsIJfHm7s
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWw6HYUbdtq
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkcKxNSpPK
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2gwn7zpvF
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ASjoJxb8u
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBY7aHQ2xy
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuolisjAg9P
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIYxNrL3IF
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiNPmqC4GZ
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjUN4poeww
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExO7aDgE7D
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVDbEOe8NJ
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2pP44D1QT
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4zkOipQs3
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0goO6OZwZU
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCRYXQqJcO
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jMRTEO7U7
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATYhUnRqwl
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZLDDfxigh
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nInfT8OaL
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35pVS3kTPZ
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjVpLenmXp
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfavRaMmjjR
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CafYnCCCk
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04EKlkIuuX
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcEUzOANxG
You've met?
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH79f0M4bwm
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Kv9BS48mt
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzkt50ociS
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgjy5YlcXa
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2s7chKcp8H
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpWSaPBrtH
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmppiFsGaJ
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4UOE8TQ7c
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7OOnCHdBT
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnzVFDvGOg
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7HLHWbTL0
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk2FEnLXsK
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthN7D0gDWO
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYuXvZahrz
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rzXgLNWZ7
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2P41rcR9Z
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lRb4fGMqx
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJ3YMmkbpD
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57zdG5vqCk
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWZ2VN6EyI
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3lI9YbrZI
I know that already!
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbrSoqU6ME
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcr0HwgZ72d
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOL9nAK0D7w
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUf6gVA1HZY
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMmTe1HVCB
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8WZyv7BbS
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzKkWIlOGs
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWt7b0EZZQc
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymleiNxi5F
No you're not!
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SHARON231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IxEQzYKSh
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeocxTkPVjf
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamTUkIwAe8
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSTnVBQu2Q
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGolhTgfQV
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2x2h9sizS
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytMPo0jAvh
What?
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKBevtNAoO
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqSw9jtPaB
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1b6MUfDTK
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjfx2Urpob
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUW8X5WFl8
Long enough.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERxt3rDypB
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw272scTmA0
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipMuypLaW4
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdMfJAJUU6
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKLeXs7QG6
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiZ03WsyLf
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiI0zXjO8M
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAkAsoFq40
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0LBt2tz5G
Well, if you insist.
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohOWhcl8zE
GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnJRDQZ2a6
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pOvcRyk0b
GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMIAevedfI
Does this mean you want me back?
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIaFnRdoBF
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBg9Skh1C0
HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdE2RoDnJj8
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdJrtwBMUd
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEAnBzKIhh
Well you can't have me.
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3N4hYPcfKg
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyyJmaX8zI
HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHChpHPagg6
WHAT?
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231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsH0ZZ48HQG
GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOPI3CUTik
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsNfBiVF5E
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh53qlFeWlB
HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9h75rI5rDJ
But...
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUylrz1LpNk
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxV6zzEMXg6
GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2NyMCrvWw
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
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CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNYLP7Xvet
But...
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZChOtgkQOR
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtonSWuizk
CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBFrvfAtYA
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA65l1xBX4f
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HARRY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEKw8zsRQ0
Gregory?
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GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJTjJFUc2p
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3V51LgfJmX
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45dQLoIFKF
CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUXmWIQaSh
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKw6hJfijpO
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NNRrdEQ0T
GREGORY231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPXOSlJE1X
Of course you are!
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEt9XJNZP9
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZFZLVhNSz
CHANTAL231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNsS2UP2zn
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jhmnJr1f2
231Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9fry5CHGZ
THE END
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