（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnyftbD5Ik
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFkqObAxAt
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJPBe0mTb3
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOvGhnTnwF
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVzW5uCSHe
我滿意點頭。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dTePAiR8t
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm2F45Z93O
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvpZIBM9Gh
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuVQA90SU2
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXW6rkjnm2M
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOziOQDWQ7
「不知貴不貴？」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSk3ajuYVZZ
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYUdBMgvqn
「應該還好。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQQfzprwYg
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWxJvDhrx3
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhj3Et7Tue
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Dzpb4w3VL
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcX7ntnLfn0
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRL713HNJL
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgDpv9CdjY
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsAfHyNEcM
我震驚了。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVUlDaWcy8
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqc9S4ncyj
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7QfpwexwC
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXMAgQnATq
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGkNb8vUb2
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMOMY1JTam
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlt98wtox6R
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqL9acwKz3
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yKBVEcZjX
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmGKyzepCL
What the hell?767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPfgZDv3Bm
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7nBppmkIC
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9UGef6nxY
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0d7gI4Gbof
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOu2C8t4B9
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuCYdPWS6Y
嘶——767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInGfcfWSur
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7KKZiRnLs
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHTmAjZ9dn
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HSrTOMvft
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwASoq5W3dp
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAg8IMZMXUJ
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SbaX25FcJ
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuTvQhXAGP
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv6TeQlICm
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZfyZ8wYUX
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9syQfv1Wx2
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiexL50a6o
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9qzfdwpE8
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3Vqh8OyKe
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRnaiWEyqP
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASQB8EtbHr
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwtBN9oARi
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVNa48iTJC
然而高個子不為所動！767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyyToi59iT
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrW6tIi713i
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnEuDkUTqP
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoWkzPLSOp
高個子依然面不改色！767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JEl5bVGYi
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5LttWPmiy
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUEEvW703b
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eYWzlz2ho
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxdEMxWa16
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLyyotVx8l
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡov65iruqQ7
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kuGWoX1Sc
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3sr2NEJxe
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2aVzhG1Vr
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoiGW6lezt
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6kCmrHJEh
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIl9JGdfWH
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPx2MjSA04R
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3ZbeHK83m
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNHFhAn1zs
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv7r4jgG03
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQcDbRRoNo
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEdaBlJRDm
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUwgwwyJMS
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPaEkWs78n
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwN98CWbYmz
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFilL3Skqw
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvbr8LfX3u
「所以不能吃嗎？」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAmM8X8BaN
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AHt1jtYT4
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXftQ3iawBE
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUB3YxpjCQX
「但我餓了。」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcn3lmzDRmZ
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPD5NdJfWb
「……」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEafPJBkmb
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99eVd061Fb
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8tdIGJe4f
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmXTtyP3DQ
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYLrtT3mxx
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYe2Pk8lbe
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMd9NcmIKhQ
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIvOUS0SCb
「小語……小語……」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo545gZEtOl
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSqG0W6J17
Gya——767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaOtyC70vE
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu11vZgTXJI
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvpY0DoENy
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuckU5kNfT
They are fucking gay!767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mLZTXbSXG
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLypY68OHG8
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GtNK09DQS
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ952a6T5HMm
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsPYnddFt9
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNFse5LRU5
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6Ou5F2wl2
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiPUiO4RAm
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aUvvoKM6s
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aMQ5RwgkM
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0DyGQ0u1r
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqngWRhAEuj
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5yzaepDeW
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXA8JnuPaLF
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzhiwgbr5h
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4UKJAJWXi
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7LQmf87n5
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
767Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKdtoSOP5f
