（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIl4TG4Itb
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QKDylRJrn
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklOPkFJt4y
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLUiho3CCa
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbToUFxW0rn
我滿意點頭。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Bmy60SnMZ
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCqTN6Uy3j
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHXhKBsDWb
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOB2BwhcW4v
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYlpl14LhN
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjH2mIMxRJ
「不知貴不貴？」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0jWwbhs4U
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXviPEYEDY
「應該還好。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeqvVP4GPA
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmNUKszv9c
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZAtlL6oVi
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw81ZUJ7DNx
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGOCsALvkm
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIX1gMggGTa
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxlzHdjMCO
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvseQNaD1tX
我震驚了。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvnQxzeZoI
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMlAJrBWYM
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fWLZDLQNG
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABmcaYzDB6
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTbTN1ZqAn
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOAhjxvJCf
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Deyyj9DRO
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHVaccoD5j
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RYdar9NHs
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJeR48EQ3u
What the hell?840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a9oHqE3I0
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7XrdqMgVL
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nZlEUOFEw
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf13564vV55
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlb2551RuX
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbax3umovG
嘶——840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSq1xY2lf1J
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHFZ7SrnRv
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnkIbi7HOc
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09kfpHygUM
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqjyAGqYQW
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerSIi6U6zc
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHvTFJmQ6X
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpdSS36S32
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMTwT9p8yk
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLDlvM92Iv
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8GGW8zvIr
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjApPd9jDD1
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf51nbHunvY
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtuffJ5pMS
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgV1R0N8iq
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQTQpPtDWD
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JaQA2nZJf
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNIts7orY4
然而高個子不為所動！840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5JQqAnD5V
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdAwIhNiSg
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2csSZdvef
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8NqjVPD5P
高個子依然面不改色！840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRb1ljNIMyy
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfJU6lBhvs
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QFbbCFyiz
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtVvK4Gpbt
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxH7QxHJjbO
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡun3hoYXE4a
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbaa9CzjHN
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkPNk8Fri1
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjj09kNyRf
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhMNnpfEJT
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4n9o57uYQs
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yr7ajZUti
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUcTqB07dI
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfyHpdMdVc
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SuJG5n5Sv
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOXtL7qb2R
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQXEQeLcMc
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFdMN9aGND
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXDsZQtLaI
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaldXE8ue7
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz341bJQRV3
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vXRaGIEHd
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEj89aYFann
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqUzWQruor
「所以不能吃嗎？」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLbIGRSXAh
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPytpGi5r5S
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylsoOWHG9g
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「但我餓了。」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡth8ANusnZp
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「……」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhvv7vxS4W
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKHUN24q7a
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNfDlMOY1Q
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrsw8DbnCz
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXGSXTnmbs
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM0mJM1q9Y
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRxQIQmUfC
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCpFKLUaQl
「小語……小語……」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JkVNtHnHE
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYRdJ29PCL
Gya——840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6DARBz6mo
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebldKTS19A
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpUU9vF1Pz
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDptEaTZHr
They are fucking gay!840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoE3Pbgu3Cd
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTsbZMzDLd
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwaiHD2Xpo
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigX2cG0ouY
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡju4eH9NEeS
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCL3mLbvpIC
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMevkBgc6fh
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZibubPgdI
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6kcoRdl9A
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4LHUa0CQX
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmIKSyTR3B
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTabZyIZabK
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHPvpufIIU
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAQCQqBU8U
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAFdufKTZT
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOVCDVyJxE
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWizkxkkzDg
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6UQh851BR
