（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9rRNe7qYg
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1BpgWx226
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfHoxM0ESL
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpn6qajYg1
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我滿意點頭。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUmzF7XZ8J
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很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW165zp1tGE
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCfJGaTlBS
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MFtx3IYSl
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeyqvnYm1d
「不知貴不貴？」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08srT0MlPg
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2j1HOffwrN
「應該還好。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1vpEXTMhK
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qKHzhF7SX
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZz4H5B36OS
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIKZtb3lld
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh39z3tRUc
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SojFsTZrN
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6CHXbwMb9
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我震驚了。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCNp5b2LXE
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iZyi5SYYs
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvXU85L5BG
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWUcxehY7M
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRqV7lSZ5o
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWdIh2sn6H
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CJdcXafok
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0NCOy2q2z
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0iD7AcE36
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQr76hBcQ76
What the hell?781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTraAC5NsfL
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那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uWczLGwrc
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrckpijyDm
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcWIWQkPlN
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嘶——781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlDYk8Y2oY
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我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMJLtwB9Yz
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIPehyVANk
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSz1lGppoD
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8hPmTJNKw
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAv5lO9B0gh
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvAVo9QtX0
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqcZZ7lt35
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayd2wb6awb
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAt5ywu6YXN
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbOxqEOOug
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk6tEjlSon
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBqx33ik9f
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc97nv7AQxR
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbZwBbnPbm
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOujC7AfWj
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoHZCphuJd
然而高個子不為所動！781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAQOuluiB6
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我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xKke3ozvB
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexJ2geCz7F
高個子依然面不改色！781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1nGKHnWxF
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvOpN146Iv
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpEoxDTgk8
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcypPIn2tp9
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9D4zPLsy4x
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3Kg9PgW2r
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkJVAptJDL
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA70USeA1kE
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOazp3XfCLQ
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzvqmXcXXe
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡod31eSFoCW
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bysJRizom
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzuVg4ahZm
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpq4FbFDS7
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLdBm2cQMy
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf1Ma619AJ
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaeiRqASQgJ
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjJS2nPvW5
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4K9At2vyy
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「為什麼要擺那包零食？」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY6AmbMGe9
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHUsW1rZwK
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNhMdWkUTW
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuHLZHPsp8
「所以不能吃嗎？」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNDtTYTR6D
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「不能，吃了就沒用了。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNqYFVwZqy
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「但我餓了。」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs8mECRjts
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「……」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpJBfexJdp
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObNNACx823
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgroXOjo4mm
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tPRbYHigC
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「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MrT9vY2wO
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「小語……小語……」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyCOxywHtp
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Gya——781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7Iv5nmoEy
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaUmt6GgEa
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They are fucking gay!781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE42KkmeitI
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這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfXcxYiJES
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gQeHBXfHa
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyKfkUpSBJ
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZqsrTTGxw
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBkZPJX83K
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzUQKXxK4Q
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYtiHeNPga
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55G9sKsWxz
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yBhS02ge1
781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPt2KJq1gBj
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3D6x69feOh
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Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrAsdaaDsq
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（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）781Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGMUOmXAbK
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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