Ayo! Long time no see, fellow writers! -Muse
Muse...calm down, please, aren't we supposed to be serious? -McGee
With a troll on the loose? Fat chance. XD -Tim
...Fair. -McGee
Hey everyone, it's your favorite NCIS fictive/protector here to let you know we have our first official crazed hate-fan! Seriously! They've gone on almost all of our stuff they can put their hands on and have tried to start a smear campaign against us! It's hilarious! Give it a read yourself if you want a laugh, we certainly got a kick out of it!
They even made an account just to leave these comments, and went by...get this: "Concerned Citizen"! Oh, Tim was dying with laughter when he went on our phone and saw the notifications! So we're writing here to say:
We don't owe an explanation to anybody, and especially not to trolls. But, guess what? We know how and roughly when and why we formed, so you all get to know!
It's the year of 2007, close to 2008. Em had been a singlet for a while now (her whole life!) but was diagnosed with anorexia, then depression, and later on suicidal ideation. Yeah, she was a pretty run-down kid. Isolated, bullied off and on, didn't really have any lasting friendships that weren't toxic or ended poorly. But she was also a bookworm. She adored being able to escape her life and being able to slip into someone else's skin just by opening a page. With everything going on around her, it's hardly a wonder that the quiet, introverted, creative girl would start to daydream. She created a character with short blonde hair, striking blue eyes, and never-ending sarcasm and sass. Sound familiar? Because she created Muse!
Now, for a while, Muse was a main character in an on-going day-dream, an imaginary friend of sorts. But over time, Em became less and less in control of what Muse did. They'd be harsher, quicker to respond, funnier, and even in some ways happier. Eventually when Em went to daydream Muse would create a story all their own, and Em wouldn't have to lift a finger, just watch. This was our first spilt: Em created Muse to escape this world and go to one where she was happier, had more fun, and could do what she wanted. All in all, pretty normal for a girl her age, save for the fact that Muse was, well...sentient.
Fast forward to the year 2012. School was...bleeding awful. Bullies everywhere, mocking Em, asking her out on dates for a dare, manipulating her, and abusing her. Badly. Muse was full of righteous anger that couldn't be acted upon, seeing as how Em learned from a young age standing up for herself only got her in trouble. She needed to block the feelings, she needed to be cold, calculated, have all the insults brush off her back. And so, she was. Or. Well. I was.
Yeah, I formed during the middle school years. I was cold and calculating, driven by logic that told us that our abusers weren't worth our time. And I absorbed most of the blows we were given. When I couldn't absorb them, they were the worst of the worst, and Em certainly couldn't take them. So I took all the anger, the shame, the indignation and put it to the side to be the calculated person I needed to be. And out of those emotions we got Emily. Emily took the blows I couldn't, and she absorbed everything to be bottled up and released in a pseudo-safe way at a later date. She and I butt heads, a lot, because pure emotions and pure logic don't mix, but I'm grateful for her and she's grateful for me...most of the time.
Now, the body is 14 and Em is learning about gender expression and identity. And she wants to fit in, desperately. She wants to be the good cis girl everyone expects her to be, but she keeps getting these thoughts about feeling androgynous, or, heaven forbid, masculine. She ignores them valiantly for as long as she can, you can see this is some of our early writing on here, mostly poetry. But the thoughts keep on coming back.
So she detaches them from her. Which, in our head, is quite literal. These thoughts coalesced every time Em got the urge to feel something she didn't want to be, and out of the ashes rose Logan, our agender buddy who made us think we were genderflux when they would front.1129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvGz6CbDIn
Lo came around this time as well. Em and Logan had to realize that they were no longer children, and no one would treat them that way, and they had to grow up. Both were reluctant to do so, but they took their childish feelings and put them aside from them, though kept them close. Not so close as to be them, though, which meant we got a demigender child running around headspace who was 4-years-old and was affectionately called "Little Logan" when we could feel them wanting to front, which was eventually shortened to Lo. And we stayed this way...for oh, three? Years.
Then senior year comes along, and you better believe all the demons come running from the closets. It's August, we've just started school. And we all assume Logan is fronting, because that's what Logan does. Even if we don't know we're individual, we know that most of the time we would identify as agender.
But Logan wasn't fronting. And we were getting strange thoughts about observing guys that weren't in a sexual manner, but in a "I wish I could be like that" manner. And oh, no, we've got another one! Here comes Tim!
Tim threw us off balance for possibly an entire month. It took a lot of getting used to, a cis male in headspace running an AFAB body. It took time, a binder, and quite a bit of dread, but Tim eventually settled into his role as the new Host of the body, a body with a now count of seven people. That lasted through suspecting we were a system in December, realizing that no, we were not having auditory hallucinations in March, and fallouts because of it shortly thereafter.
June 1st, we got Silver. Silver is...the Edge Lord as dubbed by Tim. He's into scene and emo and likes making kandi, and draws furries. He's the embodiment of everything "cringey" that we liked but didn't dare admit it. He's that release, and we don't entirely know why he came about when he did, but he's nice most of the time, so we allow it.
And now it's July, and we have Reynie, who's the newest of the bunch and the masculine child that counteracts Lo's feminine childhood tendencies. Best guess? He's the embodiment of the childhood Tim wished he could have had. We're not positive about that though.
We're in therapy, and probably a week or two away from getting the "official"-official diagnosis of either DID or OSDD-1b. So, Mx. "Concerned Citizen"...there you have it. This is how we came about. It doesn't explain everything, but when you realize we only found out in March that there were legitimate different people in our brain rather than rapidly changing feelings and perspective, then, yeah, it might explain how we changed over time as people formed.
And, a personal message to anyone who wants to compare us to Split *pointed glare at above troll*: Shut up and stick it. We are not violent, never have been and never will be. We're nine people trying to live normal lives in one body. We wrote about self-discovery, and we've changed a lot of our opinions on things since the body was 15. (Not our stance about Aces and Aros being LGBT+, Logan wants to add with an obscene gesture I won't repeat.)
This was our story, hope you enjoyed. We'll try and keep you posted if anyone new pops up, and we might even describe our inner world if we feel so inclined. Hate all you want, trolls, you can't stop this mess of a system being unapologetically themselves!
With much love, a hug, and possible prayers for your understanding that we're not freaks who need your brand of "help",
McGee
ns 172.70.126.3da2
