It was the middle of the night when I heard the door of my bedroom creep open. Unsurprisingly, sleeping in strangers houses, especially one full of killers, made for a restless night. The lack of sound in the house with the amount of people in it is entirely too eerie.
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"Lilliana."
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A sigh of relief escapes my lips at the sound of Maverick's voice.
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"I'm awake." I announce quietly as I sit up from my laying position, trying to see him but the door closing makes the room pitch black again.
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"We need to talk." His tired, raspy voice says. "I can't fucking sleep, it's driving me crazy."
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"No shit." I roll my eyes even though he can't see it.
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The lamps switch makes a clicking sound as it turns on, dimly lighting up the bedroom. His hair is disheveled, the whites of his eyes tinted red from lack of sleep and pills he's more than likely taken. His loose fitting black sweatpants are matched with a wrinkled grey t-shirt; probably from the insomnia.
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"You think I'm deceiving you...don't you?" His tone is harsh, stressed as if that question was burning inside him. His gaze is hard, as if angry that I could be having that thought. Clarifying what he's referring to wasn't necessary but he says it anyway. "About Brittany."
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Even him saying her name stung a little.
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"It's hard to think otherwise." I admit, trying to not sound as hurt or pissed off about it as I truly am.
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"Let me make something clear to you, Lilliana." He begins, bracing his hand on the bed frame at the other end. "I didn't think that kiss between us was going to happen. It wasn't planned; I didn't know." He glances away, making a grunting sound. "If I had, things between Brittany and I would've been cut off already." His tone lightens as he adds; "But I sure as fuck wasn't going to deny the opportunity I had with you."
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Maverick's words are nice, but it didn't take away from the lack of respect had for my feelings afterwards. He didn't cut out time to make sure he set the record straight with me, didn't care to give me a piece of mind for days. Although I just remembered Brittany was a part of the equation upon arriving here, he's known; he should have brought it up to me without me having to find out like this.
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"You shouldn't have kissed me." I shake my head in disagreement. "You know as well as I do that you shouldn't have let that moment happen knowing you've been fucking Brittany." I make a sound of disgust as soon as the words leave my mouth. "You could've had enough respect for me to wait."
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"Wait?" His response is immediate. "You expected me to wait?" There's a chuckle, taken back by my opinion. Maverick's voice deepens but softens in unison. "Lilliana..."
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"I've been ready for you."
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My breath hitches in my throat as he speaks the words I've been waiting all these years to hear.
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"I've spent what feels like a century being patient." He elaborates tirelessly. "You've made me age at a terrifying pace; my days are long and my nights are longer. I stand by...forever anticipating having you. Forgive me if I was unwilling to risk missing what could have been my only chance."
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The butterflies I'm getting in my stomach are making it hard to think rationally. That dark, sexy stare he's wearing isn't helping either. So I look down at my hands in my lap. He's charmed me all this time to get me over not ever really discussing the kiss. And it's damn near impossible to not let him charm me now.
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"But you can't just have everything you want, Maverick." I say, standing my ground. "You can't go around fucking girls, having secret relationships and then expecting me to just fall in line when you want me to. It doesn't work that way."
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"I don't have everything I want, Lilliana." He argues. "Why do you think I'm in here?"
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My head raises to meet his gaze again. He always knows exactly what to say.
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"Don't do that." I shake my head. "Don't start trying to get in my head." He gives me an innocent expression. "You're doing the whole charming thing, trying to soften me up so I'm not as pissed off!" The more I speak it out loud, the angrier I get, voice rising an octave each sentence.
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"But is it working?"
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I stare at him with a deadpanned expression.
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His shoulders sag as he takes a couple steps forward. "Come on, Lilli." He says in a worn out tone, as if he's the one who has no more fight left in him. "I'm trying here. I don't know what else to say to you besides I'm sorry."
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Out of instinct, my demeanor softens too. "Well that was the one thing you haven't said all this time, Maverick." I tell him, self consciously. "Sorry goes a long way...especially when we've spent our lives being best friends."
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Maverick winces at my words, as if they stung him. "Best friends..." he repeats as if testing the words out on his tongue again. "You don't think that sounds right either, do you?" He says in a tone that tells he already knows that answer.
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He was right; best friends doesn't describe our relationship anymore, it hasn't for a while. We've found a grey area, one that makes a label hard to obtain, thought I wish it wasn't this hard.
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"What would you call us, Lilliana?" He tilts his head with taunting curiosity in his eyes.
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In my head, when fantasizing about how our first kiss would go, I pictured it to be perfect, intimate and spontaneous. That kiss would be followed along with me being asked out on a date. Maybe we'd share a few kisses and memorable dates before he finally asked me to be his girlfriend after knowing each other our whole lives. We'd say we love one another, admitting that we always have.
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I've got to stop living through novels.
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After everything that's happened in what feels like a blink of an eye...I'm not sure if diving into a relationship with Maverick is the greatest idea.
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I'm learning he's not the guy I thought he was. He's been living a double life, having multiple personalities, which he presents in their own appropriate circumstances.
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Maverick is dangerously ill; manipulative, calculated, deceiving, dark. The list of names he could be called goes on and on. Here I am...ill as well...though truthful to him. The hesitancy within me is heavy when it comes to letting go with him. It's crazy how you can go from being a completely open book with someone to being too scared to open up to them.
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"I don't know." I admit in a defeated tone, standing and starting for the door. I turn to face him with my door on the handle. "But I'm tired, Maverick."
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He turns to face me, his back to the bed now. "No, let's finish this." He says, tone stern enough to let me know he wasn't leaving until he's satisfied. "Fuck the murder, fuck Brittany...you know I want you, Lilliana."
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My face heats up at his words, casting my gaze down to the floor to hide it. Hearing him say this feels unreal. Not that this is how, nor the place I expected to hear it, it still been thought about for years.
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"We can be together now." Maverick tells me, taking a few steps closer. "Honestly and freely. We have nothing to hide from each other anymore. You just handed your life away...why not take a chance on us?"
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He's right. What do I have to lose now that I work for and with people who have every say in whether I live or die? What's the worst that can happen? Heartbreak? I've got a lot more than getting my feelings hurt in the end to worry about.
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I had gotten lost in my head for a moment, still focused on the ground that I didn't realize he was coming closer until his legs appear in my view. Slowly looking up at him, that dark look he gets in his eyes when his wheels are turning is back. An expression so filled with maliciousness and lust that it makes me second guess if his mind is on wanting me or wanting to kill me.
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"I've been so kind recently, Lilliana; all for you, that is. All of this, everything, has always been for you."
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The raspiness and bass in his tone sends a shiver down my spine.
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"I must admit something." He continues, eyes set level on mine, so intense it almost makes me want to move away. "I'm afraid the feeling of wanting to touch you comes along with an equally as strong feeling of wanting to kill you."
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The fear I previously felt when Maverick had threatened me was strong...so was the attraction. Now that I'm beginning to find myself, my place here, the fear isn't as prominent now. I work with them, I'm a killer too...which gives me more confidence when it comes to him trying to intimidate me.
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"You think I wouldn't, huh." His eyes squint a little, assessing me. "I can practically hear your thoughts, Lilliana." The corner of his lip twitches but he doesn't let it form a smile. "I find it sexy; you being a part of this, wanting this...it adds to all the desires that I already had. Everything I had once felt about you has amplified greatly."
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My breaths come a bit heavier as he continues to speak. The butterflies in my stomach are uncontrollable.
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"You being a part of this doesn't change my ability to kill you in the slightest, your fight would just be harder." Maverick clarifies. "But that's exciting to you...isn't it, Lilliana? That's why we've made it to the point."
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I suck in a breath and advert my gaze as he extends a hand and closes the distance between us. The back of his finger traces from my temple to my jaw, slowly. My skin tingles under his touch.
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"I want to tear you apart in every way possible." He says in a whisper, voice rugged. My finger hooks under my chin, thumb holding it in place as he gently lifts my head, forcing my eyes to meet his.
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"Maverick..." I'm not sure what to say, unable to stop anticipating finally kissing him again. My heart races at how close he is, breath fanning my face. If I leaned in just a smidge...
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"Stop arguing with me, Lilliana." He orders, tone not changing as he searches my face. Although they are dark, I can see the excitement increasing by the second in his eyes. "I can tell what you want although your words don't quite match."
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Our proximity has made it impossible to cover up how flustered I am, how I want him just as much as he wants me. It's like my entire body is aching for him. The longer we stare, the more impatient I get.
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Before I can give myself permission...my hands grab a fist full of his shirt at his chest, pulling him down to close the short space between our lips.
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Maverick groans against me, the sound is hungry yet satisfied at the same time. His free hand finds the door above my head, bracing himself against it as his right hand leaves my chin to cup the back of my neck.
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The kiss is different than when in the hallway at Malachi's house. Although we're just as eager for one another, it almost feels more intimate being in a bedroom, completely alone. For once in my life, it feels like a dream has come true, showering me in what feels like...the saddest form of happiness.
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Maverick deepens the kiss, hand falling from my neck to my hip, gripping it so tightly that it almost hurts, but that somehow only excites me more. He forces me back against the door, his left hand falling from its braced position.
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When his hand finds my neck, squeezing just enough to make my lips part wider into an inaudible gasp, his tongue finds mine.
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I fight the urge to completely melt into the floor, arms wrapping around his neck as our tongues dance together. My mind is blissfully in the moment.
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"Lilliana" Maverick's deep voice sounds between kisses. "You will be the death of me."
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My hands slide down his chest, finding the hem of his shirt, our lips never parting. They go underneath, fingertips finding the perfect lines of his abs. I can feel his muscles tense underneath my touch.
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"Like you'll be the death of me." I respond in between kisses.
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Maverick groans against my lips again. His grip on my neck loosens slowly until his arm falls, breaking the kiss at the same time.
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I peer up at him, still a bit dazed and confused from the kiss. "What's wrong?" I ask, breathlessly. My hands don't leave his chest and his hand holding my hand doesn't move.
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"I'm moments away from fucking you senseless." He admits in a harsh tone, making it clear he really is holding himself back. "I'd like to at least take you on a date first."
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My bite my lip, hands falling and looking away even though all I want is more of him. I'd rather go on a date first too, maybe get as close to doing this right way as possible. There's another part of me that just wants to say fuck it. But I decide on agreeing.
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I nod still flustered as his hand leaves my hip, leaving me to wish he'd put it back. "You're right."
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Maverick hand goes back to my hip, but only to move me out of the way before it leaves to place itself on the door handle.
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My feet shuffle a bit as he abruptly moves me. I thought he'd at least sleep in here with me. But he's making it very clear he needs to go.
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"I feel much better now, Lilliana." He tells me as he opens the door. "Get some sleep."
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