《赤足的庭院》（2）99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmHvZ5JzAP
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我對故鄉的印象僅僅是印象。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVcz4HobBT
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因為那裡的事物並不是被人實務性的記憶下來，而是作為更不完全的東西，留在心底的某些角落。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9d5FDTxX0i
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我記得潮水的味道和海浪等聲音，沙子的觸感，樹梢下刮起的微風，夜晚時絕對黑暗的地面，和成為那個時間裡唯一存在事物的星和月。魚腥味、油輪的廢氣、風雨來的時候，所感到的恐懼。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93kIx5Fp3f
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我的故鄉作為一個印象，我記錄在腦中，知道自己總有一天會以某個型式的遠離它。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmgJKedsEY
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但那不是指現在。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0daVIxr20
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就算獨自一人逃到台北，看過了城市鮮豔的夜色，耳裡塞滿城市的吐和吸，我還是知道，自己並沒有真正的遠離故鄉。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJI3au0t5Jq
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「嗯⋯⋯可以問你的名字嗎？」小舫姐說她昨晚沒能睡著。在平常的那張餐桌上，她癱軟的用雙手撐著臉。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvsYyTP5rF
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我一邊解釋著自己的事，一邊看著她疲累的試著聽進我所說的。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzGz6J7lgs
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看她渴望睡眠的樣子，我感到有些內疚。她睡不好大概就是因為我。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOnzhpGmDF
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昨晚，小舫姐讓我暫時待在她家借住一晚。公寓的房間很小，只有一張床鋪。我原本堅持要睡地板，不過被她拒絕了：「落到這副德性的人少跟我客氣。」。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV73Nwk7zR0
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多了一個人在床上，一定很不習慣。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MTDFqduMN
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但是昨晚，還好我實在是筋疲力盡，不然大概會整夜無法入睡。年紀的問題。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tPzCwLbOG
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「李靜。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJcOWSiF0q
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「噢，好娘。李靖或是李欽不是更適合男孩子嗎？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02iTbhVXFe
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「⋯⋯」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwypswZREjR
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「不過還好。要是是李靖或是李欽的話，昨天晚上我大概就危險嘍。」我說。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWs3r9UWsKa
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「哈⋯⋯」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqfwOMxyYh
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當然，昨晚的我本來就沒有對他抱著任何期待。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsYjYIt2Ga
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只是回想起來，那確實是很荒謬的決定。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtFXTbDUVz
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「一個23歲的女人，讓16的陌生少年上了自己的床鋪。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjl9hV7WJs
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寫成文字或是作為台詞被唸出來，大概都不會影響它的離譜。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAJzwG3aJu
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「那麼，李靜。你打算就這麼住下來嗎？」她問，十分嚴肅的。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYlSW0J2xX
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我搖搖頭。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7rAphfrzI
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「靠著你偷出來的錢，青年旅館還能住多久呢？要是在那之前，你依然不想回到自己的故鄉，你打算怎麼辦？」還不想，的話。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaWIglGDN2
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面前的少年低著頭，一語不發。我大概知道他在思考著什麼。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq4rGM6eVs
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「我遲早會遠離我的故鄉⋯⋯」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FCkodeOMs
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「但不是由這個方式。對吧？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxkrLfuD8W
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「是的，所以⋯⋯」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWyUSnYDRz
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「怎麼辦呢？」這次不是為了捉弄人，她露出溫柔的微笑。「在錢花完之前，你得思考噢。來到這個混亂的場所，你能得到什麼？或是追求什麼。」她說。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovB6YjIuSj
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「小舫姐，妳常常離家嗎？」他突然一臉佩服的看著我。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvu11T2uSwu
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「這是什麼蠢問題？」啊，說錯話了。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0bJWXKxyV
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「嗯⋯⋯不是，總感覺妳很熟練的樣子。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxu8NXwGqV
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「怎麼可能。」她說。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9oihpmjpz
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然而這是事實。16歲之前，我離家過無數次，每次都是無功而返，只帶回挫折跟疲勞的身體。然後，到了他的這個年紀，我幾乎像是投降了一樣。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVHFeLxkMZ
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好好的準備了考試，盡了全力去考大學。畢業之後也找到了穩定的工作。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GANUF0tKo
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這7年來的生活十分穩定。而且那是不容置疑的正確。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GG299gkrW
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直到他出現的那天。我再次質疑起自己作的決定。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NcFwXX9o4
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長時間離開過我的這份自我懷疑又找上門來，然而我絲毫不比之前的自己成熟或是冷靜。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MRyU8Z0Nf
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但是看著他，我總有一種感覺。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rllVmLQvQ
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「大概沒問題的。我想⋯⋯。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWk1u6uSW3q
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沒有理由的，我這麼相信著。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibTmZCwkz6
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因為，注視著她時，海嘯和風的呼嘯聲就會從腦袋中消失。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUiuUcvWYk
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「阿靜，你是獨生子嗎？」最近每到中午，她都會走到我身邊，把我從樓下的那個陰暗的角落，帶到樓上的用餐區。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPnbEQYBO7
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「是啊。」我吃著員工餐，回應的問題。到台北之後，這是我第一次吃到泡麵以外的熱食。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRX5Lgs5kY4
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「好吃嗎？」她用頭指了指我的盤子。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJtMhnFWjl
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「嗯，非常美味。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfb1j96nhd
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「那就好。」她又塞了一口飯到口中。「你看這個。」她拿出手機。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixanlCi4jU
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滑開桌面，她打開某個定期回報全球衛星雲圖的程式。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYAxst4F2f
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不知道為什麽，程式剛打開所指定的地方是新幾內亞，但是她好像不太在意。說實在話，我也不太在意，我滿腦子在想桌面照片是哪個作家的書。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiZXBBHUbY
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然後她讓我看了台灣附近。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUp68k8ufTm
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「一次來兩個颱風噢，很要命對吧？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmHqXBa5XD
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「嗯⋯⋯。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlrn5BExSA
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「可是啊，你看這個。預測路線說，它們會剛剛好⋯⋯像這樣，一個往上、一個往下，躲開台灣噢。」她用手指畫出線條，語氣雀躍的說。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZifFRbXLhw
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「真的是這樣就太好了。」他皺著眉頭說。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNq13T7yNg
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肯定沒事的。看到她笑著這麼說，我的心不知為什麼就這麼安心下來了。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlyFU6TEVz
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我從二樓的圍欄往一樓看，看到不少人離開座位，或是把書本丟在一旁，往樓上來。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIan5SXgos
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離席的人一個個往同一個方向去，每個人離開前的習慣和走路的姿勢、服裝的外型，從腳的移動到眼神，每個人都有所不同，卻做著一樣的事。我很喜歡這幅光景。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDVdFew1Lc
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「阿靜，獨生子是什麼樣的感覺啊？」我的注意回到她身上。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDqPqPbKoy
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「什麼？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHRYAZfXyj
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她又問了一次。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jhDx8m243
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「啊⋯⋯獨生子啊，不知道，小舫姐不是獨生女嗎？感覺很像啊。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6vrBgSugg
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「什麼意思？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQerCViVGTZ
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「對那種需要一個人鑽研的事物比較感興趣。」孤僻的怪人。我從來沒看見她和其他圖書館員熱絡的交談過，說不定，她在這唯一的朋友就是我了。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKGJufX2Lt
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「噢，這樣啊⋯⋯還有呢？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTPbPW0eL0
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「感覺很有自己的想法。」不顧別人的感受。從來不看場合的捉弄人，不管話題或是氣氛，只要她覺得好玩就好。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiaaruwLuo
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「這樣啊，可是我不是噢。」她笑著說。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAedMgoIoAD
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「是嗎？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhi0SQP9pzP
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「嗯，我有一個弟弟⋯⋯長得跟你很像噢。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmU1251b93T
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她這麽的同時，皺起眉頭，仔細的觀察的我的五官。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZ3dkKZFl6
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果然很像。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORsMfDwgtK
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午餐時間結束，他作為暫時的圖書館員，整理書架時的那副神情，和弟弟替我收拾行李時的表情一模一樣。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2XlDtVkrY
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那是我第四次的離家出走。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ95I6om1s
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準備離開家門前，剛升國中的弟弟，突然擅自打開我的行李箱。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCB5MRYqNHS
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我害怕會錯過父母不在家的時間，對他斥責了幾句。但是他很冷靜，說要替我檢查。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9ySETT3q8
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「少了牙膏和食物⋯⋯啊，火車上要看的書呢？姊，妳沒有書活得下去啊？」這時的我，為了大學的志願在鬧家庭革命。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsbHJLW37f
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我喜歡文學。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOHsC1N9Rq
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那個時候，驅動我一切不成熟和自私的動力，都來自這麼一個模糊而膚淺的理由。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkTagWA5ME
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因為這個尚未成形的夢想⋯⋯那個時候，更適合的詞可能是妄想。因為它，我把自己的容身之處給否定了。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eY0pDWdqQ
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「 我無法待在那個否定我一切的地方。」我那個時候是這麼告訴弟弟的。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01aNV1UgSV
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我看著他替我收拾書本和盥洗用具後，他堅持要送我到車站。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAP6AGOMjb
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於是我在車站冷冰冰的塑膠椅上，用極為平淡的語氣對還是國中生的他說。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKkew2gzhG
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「嗯⋯⋯從妳的角度來看，待在家裡確實是很痛苦吧。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEhK7uuqNy
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我沒有說話，於是他繼續說。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkMjUtfuNa
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5mnk8r9wN
「我希望妳能快樂。當然，我也希望爸爸媽媽快樂⋯⋯嗯⋯⋯怎麼辦呢？」他笑著對我說。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7o08VPSXgV
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoYRMSOXqJ
那時的我沒有意識到，他的笑之後有著多麼巨大的重量。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtozHBOgkSj
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSElmaiLRZ
也許因為我，他時時刻刻對自己的存在感到矛盾。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJeClT9dDn
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq52t7y8pMP
但我被自己的夢想遮住了耳，沒能聽出他的求救。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYA0MXG1D9f
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhpOh9bH73
「謝嘍。」搔搔他的頭，我抱住他瘦小的身軀。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4V7cIUybxU
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfx8Aro6L1U
「姊⋯⋯早點回來噢。不要餓到肚子。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ozGlEAxaF
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNHD5RxsxZ
「嗯，你也是。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrdCE5peOn
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPvOqbrE7N
我記得，那個冬天，台北第一次下了雪。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzCdEPYDfv
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0LB5BIXXC
雖然是很少、很細的冰線，但那確實，是貨真價實的雪。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCriaDVhlOu
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEpVSrPTsk
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGh2DmKydsS
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbbYRdMz8z
「小舫姐⋯⋯這個算是小說學術類還是偉人自傳啊？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuxxE2sRHA
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzEtOMn2eo
「嗯？我看看噢。」
Penana
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