@LiberDose, Is that the blurb (back cover description)  of your book?

Perhaps, try revising the blurb in the characters voice and leaving out what they wouldn't know.That might make the blurb more engaging and interest even those that don't read the grene you write in.

@robintvale, Thanks, I've been needing a feedback about this. Yes, it is the plot summary or simply the description of my story.
I would like to hear more of your opinion about the revision of my blurb. If you please point out what I should take out or leave in vague lines specifically, that would greatly help.

@LiberDose, I can try I'm not the best with blurbs and had to have help on mine. It's hard condensing everything into a few paragraphs,  without giving away too much. 😥😖 I'll give it a shot! I do know it needs to hook, have a taste of the plot (teaser) and more. I'll go read up on blurbs for a bit, then try to help.

Update: The third thing is called a shoutline, another hook like this:

"It wasn’t that she wanted to live forever. She just didn’t want to die.” – Stealing Time (hook—heroine is dying, how will that be resolved?)

Okay, back to reading the article.

Update:

"Sometimes authors’ own words are the best tool to sell a book. Using lines from the manuscript gives readers a sense of what the book is like by showcasing the author’s voice."

The opening paragraph for The Hollow House by Janis Patterson:

“I decided to use the name Geraldine Brunton. It’s not the name I was born with, nor the name I married, but it will hide who I really am…and what I have done.”

Alright!  I go read some more. What I need you to do is find a sentence or paragraph from your book that you just love that speeks to you, that's really gives a feeling for what your book is and shows your voice. Find one that hits you in the feels.

Looks like there are five steps not three. The next one is:

"End with conflict. The last line should leave them dying to read the book to learn how the story ends."

"Keep in mind that your goal is to make an emotional connection with the reader so they will want to be transported into your world. They do not need to know what happens in the book, they just need to know what makes it interesting."

"Use Hyperbole: Words like "never before", "incredible", "unimaginable" and "inconceivable" are powerful tools to spark curiosity."

Keep it short: Most blurbs are only between 100 and 150 words long.

Use short sentences: Readers are usually just skimming through text, so the easier your blurb is to read, the more enticing it will be. Long sentences won't grasp the attention of the reader as well as short sentences. Use white spacing to separate thoughts and make it look less like a solid block of text.

"Don't give away any spoilers - no matter how tempting. Secondly, be sure to stay away from clichés and overused phrases like "in a world of..." "

Several examples here:
http://www.blurb.com/blog/writing-blurbs-for-novels/

From the examples it needs to be in past tense and in a tight narrator style.

You go rewrite it a bit, then post it in here and then I'll tinker with it a bit. We'll go back and forth until your happy with it.

@LiberDose, I'm ready to try now. Did you read the article?

@robintvale, Apologies for the late replies. I'm currently losing connection.

Anyways, yes, I did read your post and the article. It had helped, but my blurb is still not good enough in my point of view, but you can also be the judge.

Draft (with grammatical errors ignored):
The world of Lycas Heel seemed to be a never-ending loop of crestfallen revelations. Being part of a militia—the big break—is the only thing that keeps him going. But only to kill time and keep him diverted.
However, Cine Undrehart— his competent unshakeable partner— found his tepid demeanor a sort of an eye-sore that she has the tendency to slap him into shape even if it’s only for a temporary effect.
They’ve recently met in the organization where semi-soldiers like himself and his partner dwell to deal with some local issues as their ‘underhand mission’.  A few awkward years wasn't enough to know much about each other; much less their group of strange friends and their darker depth of history.
But that is going to change as soon as they’ve been assigned to a refreshing chase-the-rabbit situation; they’ll be lured into a rabbit-hole that leads to disclosures, escapes, and most of all, constellations of unresolved peril.
To Lycas Heel, the stars are always in the same setting. It was a little too late for him to understand the message of their underlying pattern.
History will repeat itself. In Lycas’ case, his past will forever pursue him.
- - - -

The first paragraph is good for me, but the rest seemed out of balance. I'm still gathering for ideas, but for now, this is the best I can show you.

P.S: I'm losing connection soon, so I won't be replying to your post for a long time, like, months or so. If you have lost interest to continue this, that is just alright for me. I'm happy that you have supported me this far with this, so you have my sincere thousand thanks!

@LiberDose, So sorry your connection is bad! Have you tried going to the library?  They often have computers you can go on. :)

Also if you're a pc the DNS catchie might need to be flushed, to fix the connection.

On the pc download then run the program Ccleaner and Malware bites antivirus.

If your computer lets you download them that is. Keep trying until it does, when done restart your computer right away to save the changes.

If you are on mobile on a phone/tablet:

First clear out the cashe to free up what memory you can.

To do this:

Settings, tap storage, tap cache data and choose delete.

Uninstall every single app that you can live without. Sone apps ask for WAY too many permissions. Bad apps that ask for a long list of permissions should be viewed with suspicion! Especially if the want acess to your wifi.

Gerr!


Install first:

SpyWare Removal (Anti Spy) by: Keobenapps the icon is a gray shield with red lettering. Install it and run the app.

Don't put any other apps most are fakes that do nothing I had to install and uninstall lots of fake ones before finding this one. My phone was a mess ...(All better now!)

After restart your phone.

The network signal booster app I use:  It is called: HSPA+ Tweeker

Now install: Super Cleaner - Boost & clean
Run it and clean out the junk.  

Restart your phone/tablet again. Good Luck!

The SpyWare Removal has to be run first or none of the other apps will be able to help.

If you managed to run all those and still can't get anything to work it's time for a reset!

I'm going to assume it's hard as heck even replying so I'll post how:

In phone:

Settings > look for where it says personal then tap Backup and reset. Find Factory Data Reset scroll down and tap Reset Phone. I hope you had on the back up my data and automatic restore or this won't work. Anyway,  do what it tells you,  stay calm and when it restarts your phone be super patient. It will turn back on. This only will work if you have an android phone.

Why do all this? No signal strength for a internet company is so horrific that it won't work for months. That's not logical as they'd loose business fast! Something is seriously wrong with your pc/laptop or phone/tablet.

From what you've described you must have a crap ton of sphywhere piggybacking on your signal to send you advertising, spy on you, and stealing your information!  

On the pc/laptop you can also try AVG anti virus home edition (its annoying with its reminders to upgrade but right now I bet you won't care about that, your computer needs to be freed from this junk!)

Sadly the avg app is total crap so skip it if your phone/tablet is the problem.

I hope you're able to at least read this. Let me know if have any success!  

Good luck!

@LiberDose, I'll work on the blurb tonight! Right now my opinion is it's giving away way too much of the plot. Readers need a reason to want to read, what's the point of they know what will happen? Anyway, I'll get to work on it soon. This is making me want to fix mine again too, as it's gotten way too long. 😝

@robintvale, Gah, thanks! I knew that too, but I still can't get the words right for me to make it vague but eye-catching as possible. Take as much time as you need, since you're doing me great favours actually, so go ahead and fix your own things first, lol.
Oh, about the internet, well, it's not about my bad connection. I'm afraid I might be living without it for the meantime for some reasons. Meaning that I will be offline because I will literally lose my internet. But, again, thank you very much for putting up that post for me. I can't thank you enough, but you get my gesture. Million thanks this time!

@LiberDose, Oh I missunderstood you about the connection. So, do you mean no access to a computer for a while?  

You are welcome!  

Okay, thanks. I'm real dlow to fo these things, but when I'm done I hope it'll be if some help to you.

@robintvale,  Yes, I wouldn't be able to divulge into the internet for a long while.

Seriously though, you're already helping me enough. The least I could do is to wait patiently, you know. Take your time, man.

@LiberDose, Okay, thanks. :) And, that's Madame to you! (Hea)