"So we'll say goodbye for now," Becky said, her voice gentle and reassuring. "Take care of yourself, okay?"139Please respect copyright.PENANAwT0yhOCQqh
"Okay, bye."139Please respect copyright.PENANAqqlF93vGRE
The door lock snapped shut with a “click”.139Please respect copyright.PENANApSG3Nh5TIF
Once again, I returned to my lonely and desolate world, facing the challenges of today, tomorrow, and the days to come. Alone.139Please respect copyright.PENANA8WL1rikj2A
At least until I return for another counseling session.139Please respect copyright.PENANAvTL0ErfnJ5
There was a time when that "click" would have sent me spiraling deep into anxiety, with cold hands and feet, and trembling all over. The sound was my life preserver, my only support, and I was left mercilessly alone to face this emotional monster called “depression”, devouring all my hopes. Staggering on the verge of collapse, I wanted to knock on the door again, clinging onto the only ray of light as tears streamed down my face.139Please respect copyright.PENANADJIjw9PZkO
But my remaining sanity and dignity told me that this was something I had to face. Long is the road and cruel is the world.139Please respect copyright.PENANARAtLSYuzDP
Becky was my psychotherapist. Since my family underwent a sudden change six months ago, I was gripped by depression. My friends Kevin and Penny recommended her service to me, hoping her expertise would lead me out of this labyrinth of desperation. 139Please respect copyright.PENANAOtkMpQpk2A
Every time I met with Becky, she would encourage me to speak freely about my recent situation and problems. After digesting this information, she would pinpoint the key issues and ask me questions, helping me to reflect on my feelings and respond accordingly. As an information technology professional (an "IT person"), before every meeting, I would organize the key points I wanted to discuss and write them down on my phone to ensure efficiency.139Please respect copyright.PENANAqPf0hBqreQ
In response to her questions, my answers were usually concise and logical.139Please respect copyright.PENANA6K6pGpR0bc
However, no matter how efficient and rational I strived to be, my rising emotions would often overwhelm the facade of control. 139Please respect copyright.PENANAFYRqthRXCe
Especially when I talked about the past and touched on the deep wounds buried within me, my emotions would break down like a dam bursting. Like today, when Becky instructed me to close my eyes and recall some "images" from the past, recalling the most regretful episode in my life.139Please respect copyright.PENANA7btCChw06G
I closed my eyes, recalling faces and events that had left a mark in my life. Finally, a person came to the fore: my grandma.139Please respect copyright.PENANAPo1ed6s09H
Scene after scene of the time we spent together came into focus, the vivid sharpness cut through my heart.139Please respect copyright.PENANAiZ6FHCzpzV
"I remember grandma," I said softly, tears bursting out with endless longing.139Please respect copyright.PENANA92knWo8lR2
I couldn't stop crying for a full ten minutes, mumbling the same sentence over and over again.139Please respect copyright.PENANAes6uJhrTDM
"I miss her so much, I miss her so much!"139Please respect copyright.PENANAI3T23xDGQh
She has been gone for over six years. When she developed dementia, she gradually lost her ability to take care of herself and had to move to a nursing home. And she couldn't recognize anyone apart from me. But I was always busy with work and couldn't find the time to visit. Day after day, month after month, I kept procrastinating, until one rare day when I left work early because I wasn't feeling well, I decided to visit her at the nursing home.
On the way, I passed by a Chinese bakery and remembered that she loved Chinese buns, especially the hot and spicy meat ones, so I bought two and shared them with her.139Please respect copyright.PENANAVd26gsUTnG
"They're delicious!" She ate them with relish.139Please respect copyright.PENANAAoWV91Bivv
"Shall I come visit you again next week and bring more meat buns?" I said.139Please respect copyright.PENANA6xFMzq6409
"Okay, okay!" Completely satisfied, grandma laughed like a child.139Please respect copyright.PENANANeWwz3jnii
So I made up my mind to visit her every week, no matter how busy I was, and to buy different types of Chinese buns to share with her, enjoying the simple happiness of being together, strengthening our bond through our taste buds.139Please respect copyright.PENANA5cIDjI8DLs
Unfortunately, my plan fell through.139Please respect copyright.PENANAuJ5Vg9jFzv
After that day, I never visited that Chinese bakery again.139Please respect copyright.PENANA5Cf68BB5bQ
Grandma's health suddenly deteriorated and she needed emergency treatment at the hospital. A few days later, she passed away.139Please respect copyright.PENANAlUuH2gRjdE
The last words she said to me were "Okay, okay."139Please respect copyright.PENANA2b3dr2YZdH
This was probably the first "unforgettable regret" in my life.139Please respect copyright.PENANARYrI67H81B
“You are sitting on the edge of a rooftop. You are devastated. You are on your own. The choice is yours. You can turn left to get yourself back into life, or you can simply turn right to give in. Unfortunately there is no one that you can look up to for help. You have to make this decision on your own.139Please respect copyright.PENANAXEEFH0jRRY
This is DEPRESSION.”
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