8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqZPmn5yv6
All that follows is true 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5frMo1oWGd
But even so, 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYpg3JPy4e
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQZKK5hgMg
And every image an equal mirror 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLFvexogLC
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzAZZg13XQ
You've moved up my doe dear, 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUdWZxzu4B
From 8 to 80 scenes. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftpQiUx3lM
All that follows is true.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAyezXZhvA
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqugFpzfSj
[missing]
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NQxC5eeF0
81. Found
Safe. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKO7ShyPP4
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSJPg54Hio
9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gadmrD5fr
a - Outside
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyzJme1mSk
Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO02kGX7v7d
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGju2TRERgP
Now84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡie0lLYBulf
Not tomorrow84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYHrVuvsLS
Yesterday84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCO81ePcUim
It's happening now84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3JuGgax8e
The damage today84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24yEoDaNnw
The crazed and the misloved84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblprBfj1EF
It's happening now 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9tYjD2zEF
Not tomorrow.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyT8bFRzBuU
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoDUmvO3Zo
b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeNsi6ToTt
Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhhwVBhohv
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPTqZa2dSJ
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgir92Vb7aS
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOvnDUhWb0
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvwmgMV6v8
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hE8ASQy3u
Scavengers in the street, they’re 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFF1vcmMVo
Picking at feet with 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyj6Yd9fX2
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXGoLmXGUP
Crazy. See them come out now84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdVpAuzSPx
Treading around town, 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQzhK7rXmV
Don't try to stop them, they’re 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rJ1Pnoypp
Starving, crazy. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOr3ngprw9w
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwSdOYZblX
Split up into cities devoid of community 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0RGh64gEU
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JDC2OvYsQ
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sxmV6rA8J
I know 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGF6v8KYrue
I know 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpSGFAFmYB
I know that you hate them. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJiJms8Yew
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8aYg0iD6U
And the universe warps 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodKH0fA0ej
And my blood flow slows 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAVKSDHDpj
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOHbF1rSUZ
As we move further flow.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeZzZqWkqv
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGg5A1ZW8rY
c - All is declining immediately
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyeKtjvdVR
Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6xE3wUelm
I hear static when I cum84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImZkJ8kHes
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfAtH4okmz
10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEjektKk1K
a - What could have been the end...
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDOWjZiW2P
Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0uMTLSOmI
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPynpbkIfgH
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflJlgXQ11X
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25GOF4b0ka
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZl7uGK7ggR
I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZpZCErtkV
I’ve made such a fuss. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnreORftHv
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR0rEHBoBk
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YLRVKIrEv
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGHc5F6gVq
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVSuwXQH0N
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSDvMp7CMg
This song it has reason. This song it has death. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENZnsnqnGO
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkRkor0yMe
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwZtQuBTTP
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MaCReGjT4
End. Safe. Found.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlayeOGseh
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucVwmUz99z
b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqOpqaxUNg
You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmqc2khsEI
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQK7MhYhsb4
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOD2GV9hwm
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjbUUNyh6x
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOsjXcNyJm
c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQ8jt4M04l
Houses align on this new dawn 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRjE1UeB71
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFBzfvXISG
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQaMKvTDY1
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMxzLgI7KD
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDflH3mlqsh
How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IoFKiV9yr
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GPrXf2oPM
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMvnBKFSfO
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pUdehmvte
This world is huge and carnivorous. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDBOFK1ocb
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTRbgCzHoL
You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BwCAyWTvC
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxXJnmA4Vt
Of the buildings which once were was.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx67imcoJsv
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwSWb1zMAZ
And ingravings are seen on walls: 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIPZdskEpi
Part one: I am dead and wake 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHqmoeTekX
Part two: I feel a new awakening 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOCoNZ27AC
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡES9J1BT5WP
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsOeKrkCWv
Part V: this was meant to become the end 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7fqICb6sw
Part 6: But then this 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Kvaw2Xfsd
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTo9U1p8kA
Part eight: Backtracking begins 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdQI81Ugz4
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLBKsszk0M
10: drunk now, I become the ending.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgr33uWfZFT
And that was Begbie’s story... 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFj9JY0LPv
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpyyMfNY19
They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrJOyGDB1L
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWZGoux6AE
And I do not want this. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycKlJdyrBJ
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5neOKFEEa
Always take in more, for security, 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaeoI9k9MA
Now I fly. (…)84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSD3bXTuUn
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgy8TGbsErW
d - Sadness Song
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjGcoHEGau
[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwm2zpfqkIa
The mind: 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoJqRJhFe5
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsNJgOVkXj
We touch the world 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIV5RLpmcN
And it all falls away 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZbwW0rKvj
We hear the word 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTmNz1IYM2
But it all burns with the day 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTcxe4ho0x
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVorODnrRk
Now our mother lies in blood 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiOKSkccco
Father swims away 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLWH8Skmjl
And we find us all alone 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZiRxqi7iB
Sadness song plays. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIlZxdNykC
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGT1lkF6at
Was it found? 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmms4tWuJH
What was spent? 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaM5PtM3uW
Now that everything is lost84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOiua3hwY7
What was found? What was spent? 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKNGaZ777f
But a sadness song. 84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtKHhiml6j
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJlDyeyczC
Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytS4Ze4Xma
84Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AxogQ78rb
