8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyAcOGzH4t
All that follows is true 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKgRWVwIgH
But even so, 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGP5DSzfee
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kooaj4LxX
And every image an equal mirror 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxPJzd5hGg
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJKFprqSb8
You've moved up my doe dear, 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAtBc24QDs
From 8 to 80 scenes. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62GystTfBW
All that follows is true.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPT9JbTGklQ
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nKx8QcstY
[missing]
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppYyuY6djJ
81. Found
Safe. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2njHDlLie
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuJxU1dhaJ
9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcD3AlFVnNh
a - Outside
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAdCxRqCFF
Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYg9FnmSty
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMs5IejYrN3
Now83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sVFsf5PIZ
Not tomorrow83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGQvYZCAPs
Yesterday83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRIrY1faUI
It's happening now83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqq4Sft4cQs
The damage today83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ln5mDQSJM
The crazed and the misloved83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdNbheRhPk
It's happening now 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvccxxGnS0
Not tomorrow.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjzpS0z5ak
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaX3Vue7378
b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQyfkvkuZG
Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPl1HI8CFO
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZi4bfVeWPX
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9vXXOr3mV
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oT3pQga4k
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJwMUm5PzE
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLecQawf395
Scavengers in the street, they’re 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE18aIVctJp
Picking at feet with 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpg3XRZt37
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkYRamcTID
Crazy. See them come out now83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoACrRkp4n
Treading around town, 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstvUkNTytg
Don't try to stop them, they’re 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyakfrywrVj
Starving, crazy. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjBQ7t4hKX
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzs84dAOJm
Split up into cities devoid of community 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmwKJXJqK0
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpItArl0QC
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4xRBGKSlc
I know 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq30xpCH2LT
I know 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIBwARdiQt
I know that you hate them. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXrzCXuEJy
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnUcpSktaE
And the universe warps 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZ3MqTaJFD
And my blood flow slows 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkBNueaFpM
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMqEexzAcO
As we move further flow.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOfJer2W8Y
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmluQYVXLwm
c - All is declining immediately
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTQ3X9jw4b
Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpkKLEmXmp
I hear static when I cum83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmisDH3kGZ
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrTDkMbyib
10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKcP2u4izG
a - What could have been the end...
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJ8GIGqupX
Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡna3DWLlU3w
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyAfI9MkEo
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3Gwggz9po
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1deNfk6ab
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK4xlbDV1E
I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtaLBs0jry
I’ve made such a fuss. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrE3dnSOs6
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B0DmY3jVF
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmI7FfrExn0
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAriWtjqP93
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmocAsVBWY
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvXJTEFysU
This song it has reason. This song it has death. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SEXlFNLYo
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPEMxC0X1I
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0AOUGN0rW
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhOnuo8VYl
End. Safe. Found.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WCLekvbF0
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVLknGSR1d
b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cjJ74WP4D
You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBo214Bus2l
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8dMbLoHzV
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmomJH4TO3p
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDBrcnaeVh
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfErMZXh8mU
c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJkBA4FL89
Houses align on this new dawn 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4g3VMU6yQf
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNAR8X2J1d
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAzzbC2xrT
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EJ9lXHrF2
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMnKrjVejd
How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucpUNfH8Dg
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4q1ASOODk1
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxDCHVrJoX
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9xLjGWqJJ
This world is huge and carnivorous. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lcBHSbSjX
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerKv5eOx8u
You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURSK88qeBJ
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGstMHnOVb
Of the buildings which once were was.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIgoFRrSeu
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzfAU5ZdiH
And ingravings are seen on walls: 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtg1jW9yCp
Part one: I am dead and wake 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQIFzQ1Vid
Part two: I feel a new awakening 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCxGJt01d4
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbIM2UXY0E
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn34h1DrJ5H
Part V: this was meant to become the end 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRN9cJBxM6Q
Part 6: But then this 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEqvTPJ5RR
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHCi3r3Qtt
Part eight: Backtracking begins 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDauLcKGWM
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlkZdOd1LN
10: drunk now, I become the ending.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6PXfWKmvy
And that was Begbie’s story... 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMyZle3qu4
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbhJtZE750
They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvT89yU6scA
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDASfMD1RzN
And I do not want this. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3U3BpJr1GR
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntLqjjJbZ5
Always take in more, for security, 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbXZmQg8O1
Now I fly. (…)83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4LF2i6mk5
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CLxKn4P4B
d - Sadness Song
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡir6ut8pO2s
[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3n0r7Q87S
The mind: 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbkkaLkglL
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubRBcq4hzA
We touch the world 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB012nhPuUW
And it all falls away 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCFcyqYG50
We hear the word 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXuHe8TKQv
But it all burns with the day 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeALWNs1AG
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKViJS2uuv
Now our mother lies in blood 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5U0Nvfjit
Father swims away 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKcN5rNtV9
And we find us all alone 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YuVosDkyU
Sadness song plays. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1IW6Wg7e0
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZmWae2Rqf
Was it found? 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xXJAy6AmR
What was spent? 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kS9BQlCUU
Now that everything is lost83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5hq6RyFvX
What was found? What was spent? 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQCGjJpehc
But a sadness song. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJw8iHr37Zh
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNU3a6tiIQr
Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbMYZuCMPC
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iWPfS8ukI
