以下是我看到某參賽作品以後,所寫的留言轉正文,供大家參考。
199Please respect copyright.PENANAL4yTGNjU6U
199Please respect copyright.PENANA9V1oyjSpT9
感謝參與~199Please respect copyright.PENANA7PILoiQoik
199Please respect copyright.PENANAfgXT3bMbhe
老實說,這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩,是散文十行。199Please respect copyright.PENANA77gKMWbqEx
199Please respect copyright.PENANAF267olzt9d
雖然文章有哲理,但是詩度很低。詩的要素,如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡,甚至欠奉;內容太趨近說明,解釋過多,太黏了。199Please respect copyright.PENANAXMRA4WXAMH
199Please respect copyright.PENANAokn3abfNcl
~~~~分隔線~~~~199Please respect copyright.PENANAwPDEkM35MT
199Please respect copyright.PENANA2ZCTWFkcUS
我回頭看我自己寫的詩,有些也算不上是詩,例如199Please respect copyright.PENANA89CnKaoaM2
199Please respect copyright.PENANAoSplaZX61A
〈限制和自由〉199Please respect copyright.PENANAIdXMi03IJa
199Please respect copyright.PENANA5DxuViPtMA
penana.com/article/1024895199Please respect copyright.PENANAQgJPcij97a
199Please respect copyright.PENANAp6VtPJnkNS
現在看來,我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故,還是收進詩集)。199Please respect copyright.PENANAGBuP3TmfWN
199Please respect copyright.PENANA0Btj8j6dJt
詩度 0。199Please respect copyright.PENANAvNkaqmoARR
199Please respect copyright.PENANAg1P7JkvuxP
~~~~分隔線~~~~199Please respect copyright.PENANAKEg1T0cU4N
199Please respect copyright.PENANAlZhoXTOcop
〈問〉199Please respect copyright.PENANAnyf6kVHxxi
199Please respect copyright.PENANAICNQVbeJXH
penana.com/article/1024944199Please respect copyright.PENANApomwn27DO2
199Please respect copyright.PENANAwDtUzN5U4x
詩度高一點。199Please respect copyright.PENANAbdVNz8pKkk
199Please respect copyright.PENANA6Gjjqsm5xm
~~~~分隔線~~~~199Please respect copyright.PENANAEFE5uienJn
199Please respect copyright.PENANAyyMpsPZz9a
〈摩天之輪〉199Please respect copyright.PENANAHQY5cAkJiH
199Please respect copyright.PENANAwb7BWSip6C
penana.com/article/1045705199Please respect copyright.PENANA7paL9K3NNo
199Please respect copyright.PENANAqfyEO6zqkF
詩度再高一點。
199Please respect copyright.PENANAhXlSvksHYe
~~~~分隔線~~~~
199Please respect copyright.PENANAHd41srKK4N
〈蝴蝶酥〉199Please respect copyright.PENANAJnOhtTlBU5
199Please respect copyright.PENANAcBkAtuprUl
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713199Please respect copyright.PENANA28WWdSsjcY
199Please respect copyright.PENANA35KkLUdYlj
詩度比前三首都高。
199Please respect copyright.PENANAIyuCpoy7PX
~~~~分隔線~~~~
199Please respect copyright.PENANAsRJT9qvHQw
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論,詩人有句話簡單卻有道理:「詩,是『換句話說』,『再換句話說』」。199Please respect copyright.PENANAb1zRri0U66
199Please respect copyright.PENANAEl0B7xsNS0
我在筆記本上面,寫下自己的句子:「詩,是常句和變句的雙人舞。」199Please respect copyright.PENANAUmmEEZ4ihW
199Please respect copyright.PENANAOw9yGa78oW
跟你分享。
199Please respect copyright.PENANABC2Yy7O7uL
~~~~分隔線~~~~
199Please respect copyright.PENANAgC2ODRvmHS
此外,這篇連結文章也可作參考。199Please respect copyright.PENANA8dw7aZ4fuE
199Please respect copyright.PENANAR3BOgFXoqh
【認識新詩的基本元素】199Please respect copyright.PENANAZehsdIDVZX
199Please respect copyright.PENANA3gZYv1UJ2D
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193199Please respect copyright.PENANAK1p8VN7wkU
199Please respect copyright.PENANAjVqvOrtKBN
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考&自己詩作/非詩作的例子,寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。199Please respect copyright.PENANA1Fgv3eyPP9
199Please respect copyright.PENANAAIjQJSdL3s
199Please respect copyright.PENANA5XwCuwNRDt
199Please respect copyright.PENANARKLdBO29YD
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
199Please respect copyright.PENANAjmrRJRWjkT
這不是我的標準啦,算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。199Please respect copyright.PENANA2wRqoCA2PK
199Please respect copyright.PENANAbiAUjzNiLc
第二版「詩度」有提升,因為用了複沓/排比結構,綿延的音樂性增加了。199Please respect copyright.PENANAYG9b7Ee9P6
199Please respect copyright.PENANAFdK33mbHJa
寫詩要多看詩,也不用急,我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果,發現好多不熟的,甚至是皮球假裝成果子的,哈哈~
199Please respect copyright.PENANAhxACmZKNN2
199Please respect copyright.PENANAA4D4tb2jBi
【這次全新寫的感想】
199Please respect copyright.PENANAIZ1qbWpUH3
我拿自己青澀的詩果,甚至非詩的皮球作例子,無非是希望讀者能做個比較,認識一下不同詩度的詩,長什麼樣子;這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子:
199Please respect copyright.PENANAKJX4mUXlCA
〈詠栗〉
199Please respect copyright.PENANAEcWcSNS6Eg
殼斗,第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸,為了
豐美的內在
199Please respect copyright.PENANARcpmfWD9pj
剝去愛,尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
199Please respect copyright.PENANADQlLzYexOf
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
199Please respect copyright.PENANAesprwk5fCj
199Please respect copyright.PENANAIs2fp6fkzN
如果寫成
199Please respect copyright.PENANAps3DjhmOL6
〈詠栗〉
199Please respect copyright.PENANAM0DXPk2Nma
殼斗,第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸,為了
內在的果實
199Please respect copyright.PENANAqceYyG5YPM
剝去殼,尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
199Please respect copyright.PENANAPr3Nrq7xRC
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
199Please respect copyright.PENANA0OJgaAWu7g
詩度就不見啦,成為一篇分行的散文,而且是說明文。
199Please respect copyright.PENANA7rX5nuRXqI
會寫詩的讀者,可將自己詩裡的詩句 (=變句),換成一般常用的句子 (=常句) 玩玩看;而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者,反其道而行,將自己作品的句子,改動幾個詞彙,以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替,或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
199Please respect copyright.PENANAuvvid8aiw6
當然,現代詩的面向不僅在於詞彙,但這是一個開始。
199Please respect copyright.PENANAoywN80kPzd
祝各位被詩淋透,不,淋得半濕就好。
ns216.73.216.176da2