《赤足的庭院》(2)108Please respect copyright.PENANA0ZC0RZhj2D
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我對故鄉的印象僅僅是印象。108Please respect copyright.PENANAYTrSsKXn76
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因為那裡的事物並不是被人實務性的記憶下來,而是作為更不完全的東西,留在心底的某些角落。108Please respect copyright.PENANAHjIPYxluku
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我記得潮水的味道和海浪等聲音,沙子的觸感,樹梢下刮起的微風,夜晚時絕對黑暗的地面,和成為那個時間裡唯一存在事物的星和月。魚腥味、油輪的廢氣、風雨來的時候,所感到的恐懼。108Please respect copyright.PENANAUlNjgBOfVt
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我的故鄉作為一個印象,我記錄在腦中,知道自己總有一天會以某個型式的遠離它。108Please respect copyright.PENANAldo3J20Gi7
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但那不是指現在。108Please respect copyright.PENANAfDK0KQnLAj
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就算獨自一人逃到台北,看過了城市鮮豔的夜色,耳裡塞滿城市的吐和吸,我還是知道,自己並沒有真正的遠離故鄉。108Please respect copyright.PENANAI5vqpOKXGO
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「嗯⋯⋯可以問你的名字嗎?」小舫姐說她昨晚沒能睡著。在平常的那張餐桌上,她癱軟的用雙手撐著臉。108Please respect copyright.PENANADlzvJm7dkV
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我一邊解釋著自己的事,一邊看著她疲累的試著聽進我所說的。108Please respect copyright.PENANArJbzp2BOLD
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看她渴望睡眠的樣子,我感到有些內疚。她睡不好大概就是因為我。108Please respect copyright.PENANAQbXdhJfTsp
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昨晚,小舫姐讓我暫時待在她家借住一晚。公寓的房間很小,只有一張床鋪。我原本堅持要睡地板,不過被她拒絕了:「落到這副德性的人少跟我客氣。」。108Please respect copyright.PENANAaBxQqBtP4A
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多了一個人在床上,一定很不習慣。108Please respect copyright.PENANAs4atcmvMTN
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但是昨晚,還好我實在是筋疲力盡,不然大概會整夜無法入睡。年紀的問題。108Please respect copyright.PENANAkzIeKtpDlC
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「李靜。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAG4a9RddQy1
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「噢,好娘。李靖或是李欽不是更適合男孩子嗎?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAO6G2ieGwGk
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「⋯⋯」108Please respect copyright.PENANA0HYLVs4A3W
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「不過還好。要是是李靖或是李欽的話,昨天晚上我大概就危險嘍。」我說。108Please respect copyright.PENANAH2pA5UnAM2
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「哈⋯⋯」108Please respect copyright.PENANArn17HPbzlz
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當然,昨晚的我本來就沒有對他抱著任何期待。108Please respect copyright.PENANAPioh0AwqP7
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只是回想起來,那確實是很荒謬的決定。108Please respect copyright.PENANA6aFkaTFZ2F
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「一個23歲的女人,讓16的陌生少年上了自己的床鋪。」108Please respect copyright.PENANA3jHkTBjhtQ
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寫成文字或是作為台詞被唸出來,大概都不會影響它的離譜。108Please respect copyright.PENANAE3hm7HlRjD
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「那麼,李靜。你打算就這麼住下來嗎?」她問,十分嚴肅的。108Please respect copyright.PENANAPT7RgxlKHl
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我搖搖頭。108Please respect copyright.PENANAiBeZYJLEFA
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「靠著你偷出來的錢,青年旅館還能住多久呢?要是在那之前,你依然不想回到自己的故鄉,你打算怎麼辦?」還不想,的話。108Please respect copyright.PENANAfhgBdkdEOd
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面前的少年低著頭,一語不發。我大概知道他在思考著什麼。108Please respect copyright.PENANAWqBUiSnbXN
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「我遲早會遠離我的故鄉⋯⋯」108Please respect copyright.PENANA4SNaKHSigR
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「但不是由這個方式。對吧?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAvnjaek9qNP
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「是的,所以⋯⋯」108Please respect copyright.PENANA2lrHlbtyqy
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「怎麼辦呢?」這次不是為了捉弄人,她露出溫柔的微笑。「在錢花完之前,你得思考噢。來到這個混亂的場所,你能得到什麼?或是追求什麼。」她說。108Please respect copyright.PENANAiv7Uk7bLGa
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「小舫姐,妳常常離家嗎?」他突然一臉佩服的看著我。108Please respect copyright.PENANAn17pq6AEP1
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「這是什麼蠢問題?」啊,說錯話了。108Please respect copyright.PENANAD9sbrSA1J4
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「嗯⋯⋯不是,總感覺妳很熟練的樣子。」108Please respect copyright.PENANARiOi1OochP
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「怎麼可能。」她說。108Please respect copyright.PENANAsJfx6q2ORE
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然而這是事實。16歲之前,我離家過無數次,每次都是無功而返,只帶回挫折跟疲勞的身體。然後,到了他的這個年紀,我幾乎像是投降了一樣。108Please respect copyright.PENANAjrD6TCzYPP
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好好的準備了考試,盡了全力去考大學。畢業之後也找到了穩定的工作。108Please respect copyright.PENANAHJMYRJDTDa
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這7年來的生活十分穩定。而且那是不容置疑的正確。108Please respect copyright.PENANAzhwyvWmKMU
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直到他出現的那天。我再次質疑起自己作的決定。108Please respect copyright.PENANAu1CaKlYPNv
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長時間離開過我的這份自我懷疑又找上門來,然而我絲毫不比之前的自己成熟或是冷靜。108Please respect copyright.PENANAODXvRmDlW1
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但是看著他,我總有一種感覺。108Please respect copyright.PENANAKyOoTMLtkG
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「大概沒問題的。我想⋯⋯。」108Please respect copyright.PENANA8PGBSD3dEr
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沒有理由的,我這麼相信著。108Please respect copyright.PENANA4nZpjzZRCQ
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因為,注視著她時,海嘯和風的呼嘯聲就會從腦袋中消失。108Please respect copyright.PENANAJty3uRLVYP
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「阿靜,你是獨生子嗎?」最近每到中午,她都會走到我身邊,把我從樓下的那個陰暗的角落,帶到樓上的用餐區。108Please respect copyright.PENANAngHSvId1J0
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「是啊。」我吃著員工餐,回應的問題。到台北之後,這是我第一次吃到泡麵以外的熱食。108Please respect copyright.PENANAKhH0fJHdWE
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「好吃嗎?」她用頭指了指我的盤子。108Please respect copyright.PENANAKwZPXq7K8Q
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「嗯,非常美味。」108Please respect copyright.PENANATmd4X6rjk3
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「那就好。」她又塞了一口飯到口中。「你看這個。」她拿出手機。108Please respect copyright.PENANASWHM6Ue4hg
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滑開桌面,她打開某個定期回報全球衛星雲圖的程式。108Please respect copyright.PENANANgtCaZ8jb1
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不知道為什麽,程式剛打開所指定的地方是新幾內亞,但是她好像不太在意。說實在話,我也不太在意,我滿腦子在想桌面照片是哪個作家的書。108Please respect copyright.PENANAQGaBSI5bQd
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然後她讓我看了台灣附近。108Please respect copyright.PENANAm0Ucbx5QGq
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「一次來兩個颱風噢,很要命對吧?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAi0Ipik9CBR
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「嗯⋯⋯。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAQUanHPcJXj
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「可是啊,你看這個。預測路線說,它們會剛剛好⋯⋯像這樣,一個往上、一個往下,躲開台灣噢。」她用手指畫出線條,語氣雀躍的說。108Please respect copyright.PENANA60JPhRcTkg
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「真的是這樣就太好了。」他皺著眉頭說。108Please respect copyright.PENANAcy7GFaDWw4
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肯定沒事的。看到她笑著這麼說,我的心不知為什麼就這麼安心下來了。108Please respect copyright.PENANANx2rGM13yo
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我從二樓的圍欄往一樓看,看到不少人離開座位,或是把書本丟在一旁,往樓上來。108Please respect copyright.PENANAHuoETOz4Mg
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離席的人一個個往同一個方向去,每個人離開前的習慣和走路的姿勢、服裝的外型,從腳的移動到眼神,每個人都有所不同,卻做著一樣的事。我很喜歡這幅光景。108Please respect copyright.PENANARWiG4W8O2u
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「阿靜,獨生子是什麼樣的感覺啊?」我的注意回到她身上。108Please respect copyright.PENANAp1fi2Xuyvm
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「什麼?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAKz5P63vtqk
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她又問了一次。108Please respect copyright.PENANA8DEKAI5oTV
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「啊⋯⋯獨生子啊,不知道,小舫姐不是獨生女嗎?感覺很像啊。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAjwSDnWlOrr
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「什麼意思?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAcx6mu8sRyx
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「對那種需要一個人鑽研的事物比較感興趣。」孤僻的怪人。我從來沒看見她和其他圖書館員熱絡的交談過,說不定,她在這唯一的朋友就是我了。108Please respect copyright.PENANAMWM4yxktcf
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「噢,這樣啊⋯⋯還有呢?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAkK4D8xSxzd
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「感覺很有自己的想法。」不顧別人的感受。從來不看場合的捉弄人,不管話題或是氣氛,只要她覺得好玩就好。108Please respect copyright.PENANActHprBPLNp
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「這樣啊,可是我不是噢。」她笑著說。108Please respect copyright.PENANAvFbOWV08tW
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「是嗎?」108Please respect copyright.PENANAgnFa8vzt9l
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「嗯,我有一個弟弟⋯⋯長得跟你很像噢。」108Please respect copyright.PENANApaHIOnxJ5m
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她這麽的同時,皺起眉頭,仔細的觀察的我的五官。108Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6QmoK6vN3
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果然很像。108Please respect copyright.PENANASVLD4CYmBD
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午餐時間結束,他作為暫時的圖書館員,整理書架時的那副神情,和弟弟替我收拾行李時的表情一模一樣。108Please respect copyright.PENANAG9sDR92j8k
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那是我第四次的離家出走。108Please respect copyright.PENANAUTpTAcEv6o
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準備離開家門前,剛升國中的弟弟,突然擅自打開我的行李箱。108Please respect copyright.PENANAWfqFkvaspJ
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我害怕會錯過父母不在家的時間,對他斥責了幾句。但是他很冷靜,說要替我檢查。108Please respect copyright.PENANAroo3uBawBt
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「少了牙膏和食物⋯⋯啊,火車上要看的書呢?姊,妳沒有書活得下去啊?」這時的我,為了大學的志願在鬧家庭革命。108Please respect copyright.PENANArmPfFH0orH
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我喜歡文學。108Please respect copyright.PENANAUeSAsImBGT
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那個時候,驅動我一切不成熟和自私的動力,都來自這麼一個模糊而膚淺的理由。108Please respect copyright.PENANAaeoTrRZI11
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因為這個尚未成形的夢想⋯⋯那個時候,更適合的詞可能是妄想。因為它,我把自己的容身之處給否定了。108Please respect copyright.PENANAzJlR16YjDQ
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「 我無法待在那個否定我一切的地方。」我那個時候是這麼告訴弟弟的。108Please respect copyright.PENANAKq42ozYnT6
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我看著他替我收拾書本和盥洗用具後,他堅持要送我到車站。108Please respect copyright.PENANAbTQ548d36U
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於是我在車站冷冰冰的塑膠椅上,用極為平淡的語氣對還是國中生的他說。108Please respect copyright.PENANApbxLM1BkCC
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「嗯⋯⋯從妳的角度來看,待在家裡確實是很痛苦吧。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAkoeR7Upips
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我沒有說話,於是他繼續說。108Please respect copyright.PENANAiMnTupWef7
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「我希望妳能快樂。當然,我也希望爸爸媽媽快樂⋯⋯嗯⋯⋯怎麼辦呢?」他笑著對我說。108Please respect copyright.PENANAVhCN81RPA2
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那時的我沒有意識到,他的笑之後有著多麼巨大的重量。108Please respect copyright.PENANARDzJbu8Sfb
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也許因為我,他時時刻刻對自己的存在感到矛盾。108Please respect copyright.PENANABpNChfxIGL
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但我被自己的夢想遮住了耳,沒能聽出他的求救。108Please respect copyright.PENANAVjJ95yJfv6
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「謝嘍。」搔搔他的頭,我抱住他瘦小的身軀。108Please respect copyright.PENANAardvcrUFWP
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「姊⋯⋯早點回來噢。不要餓到肚子。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAHF4lYPmcSz
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「嗯,你也是。」108Please respect copyright.PENANAHJ3oKpdyHv
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我記得,那個冬天,台北第一次下了雪。108Please respect copyright.PENANAi1prBEyl9k
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雖然是很少、很細的冰線,但那確實,是貨真價實的雪。108Please respect copyright.PENANA0ajb1RrG2G
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「小舫姐⋯⋯這個算是小說學術類還是偉人自傳啊?」108Please respect copyright.PENANA5Zg2skZcqH
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「嗯?我看看噢。」