Steven continued to believe that Janelle would leave him if she wasn't sent to prison for a very long time first and therefore, it was unnecessary to file for divorce, especially since he planned to remain alone after she was gone. It was only a matter of time, he felt, despite the stress and misery she caused him.
Janelle expressed confusion and frustration over why her husband acted “all jealous” when she talked about seeing a woman on the side simply for sex when he began to show no interest in her.
“Of course, he turns the tables,” she writes in her journal, “saying that he was only avoiding me because he didn't think I was interested. He always uses me as a cover for his true feelings and intentions. We both know it’s the other way around, though. His loss of interest in me came first. My interest in a supplemental side dish came second.”
As far as anyone knew, however, Janelle's only infidelities were to get pregnant.
After a night of “surrogate searching,” as she would refer to it in her journal, Byron dropped her off late one night and Janelle quietly crept into the dark house, pretending not to see the shadow of her husband sitting in the living room, “sulking,” as she would describe these kinds of moments because she dared to get someone else to get her pregnant just as he supposedly “suggested.”
And get pregnant for the third time she did. Only this one survived to be born.
Somewhere during the pregnancy, she was bitching to her husband about all the deadbeat dads in the world and gave an example of a friend of a friend's.
“It's like married woman, single mom,” she said, according to what the woman said she felt her life was like.
“M-hm,” Steven empathetically with a nod of his head as if to say that that's exactly what Janelle would be as well. Yet if she ever caught on, she gave no indication of it.
“I mean, this poor woman had to do everything on her own,” she rambled on. “All the caring for the kid, and even foot the expenses. I guess the husband paid some of the bills but that was it. So typical too, but I know you’d never be one of those irresponsible guys who doesn’t give a shit and is always out with friends.”
Forced to get a part-time job and believing that her husband's income couldn't support a family of three, she cleaned motel rooms in the mornings. They left the house together and Steven dropped her off at the motel. She had to take a bus home, however, since Steven was still at work at that time.
Janelle complained about her husband's lack of interest in how she was feeling during her pregnancy and whenever she would puke her guts out with morning sickness or have backaches. Also, his unwillingness to attend prenatal appointments with her. Eventually, Janelle began telling herself and others that Steven simply hated doctors or that there was no point in him accompanying her since she was the one being examined and she could fill him in later.
Steven was at work when his wife went into labor and of course he wasn't going to go and watch her have some other guy’s kid. Therefore, he called the hospital periodically for status updates because he didn’t want to arrive at the hospital before the damn kid was born.
Not surprisingly, when he reluctantly entered the hospital room to find his wife cooing to a wailing red-faced newborn, she glanced up at him and said, “Finally! What happened to you?”
“Got stuck in traffic,” he said, knowing his gullible wife would accept this response. Then he asked to see the birth certificate to make sure his name wasn’t added to it.
Eyes darkening, Janelle said, “Yes, thank you for caring. Your wife and child are doing just fine.”
“I’m serious,” said Steven.
“So am I. Instead of being concerned for your family, you're worried about a stupid name? Really, you have nothing to worry about. No father's name is listed.” Janelle lifted the screaming infant toward her husband. “Hey, little guy, Daddy's here now. Maybe he can make you stop crying.”
“No, that's okay, her husband said looking at her with both disgust and sadness and barely able to stand a glance at the child that wasn't his.
“Oh, don't be shy,” Janelle said. “I know you guys are always worried about babies being so fragile, but he won't break. Trust me."
Steven stared at his wife, beginning to feel anger rise up in him. But before he could say anything else, a nurse entered the room.
Janelle was in a lot of pain because she ended up needing a c-section and the nurse didn't fail the notice Steven’s lack of concern when wheeling her and the son she named Brandon Steven, down to where Steven pulled the car up to the following day.
“Everything all right here?" the nurse asked.
“M-hm,” nodded Janelle with her phony smile of denial, determined to live out that perfect family life she’d been dreaming of.
Steven remained silent during the ride home while his wife tried to coo the screaming baby quiet. It was evident early on, however, that the child sensed the danger he was born into as he never seemed to bond with his mother and trust her, not that anyone could blame it. He screamed and cried more than any child Steven had known. Where the average infant cried for four hours a day, this one was triple that. It seemed that if the child wasn't eating or sleeping, it was screaming as if truly terrified of his mother and sensing her rapidly growing impatience with his never-ending fits. The angrier Janelle became, the louder the kid would scream.
Once home from the hospital, Janelle asked Steven to help her carry some things into the bedroom and get them comfortable in bed since she was so exhausted, and bed rest was recommended for the next two weeks.
When Steven refused, Janelle said in exasperation, “You've got to be kidding me! Are you that lazy or do you just not care that any unnecessary strain on me could cause my stitches to pull apart? Do you want to have to bring me all the way back to the hospital and take care of the baby yourself? Come on! You're ruining what’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives.
Yet no matter how much Steven reminded his wife that he would have absolutely nothing to do with the rearing of the child, it was as if Janelle refused to hear or believe it. She acted as if she truly believed he was feeding and changing the child when she was asleep and that was what she told others as well. However, Steven later confirmed that he never so much as laid a finger on the kid. He never changed, fed, bathed, or held the infant.
“I'm tired,” Steven finally said. “I promised my mother I would take her to an appointment, so you'll just have to do the best you can without me.” He knew that in some people's eyes, his lack of concern or willingness to report what abuse he saw may be considered just as abusive, but he didn't care. He simply didn't care and he refused to raise the other guy's kid and that was it. It was non-negotiable as far as he was concerned.
“You're tired? Try having a c-section and then see how tired you are, you bastard! Go on. You go put your mother before your family!”
Steven left a seething wife with her terrified child screaming at the top of its lungs. The child who disappointed his mother by being a redhead and a boy. The red hair was an obvious sign that Steven couldn't possibly be the father and well, it just wasn't the blue-eyed blond girl Janelle had so desperately longed for.
ns216.73.216.176da2
