One of the things Janelle always had a problem with was being told what to do. You just didn’t dare try to control her if you knew what was good for you. She insisted in her journal that the reason she was big on that was because of all the control she was forced to endure as a minor, particularly in the institutions she was placed in due to being such a troublesome child.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6iLC1yYLV
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After Janelle was shot by the police and left paralyzed and helpless, she felt more controlled than ever. She was unable to move or even speak, but according to the doctors and what she later confirmed, she was still aware of her surroundings.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkh2iOWvo9
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Part of being helpless and forced to be controlled meant that her husband, who had always encouraged her to do the right thing and go to court when summoned, would take the responsibility of making sure she adhered to any upcoming court dates even if it was in a wheelchair. This was something Janelle preferred not to do, insisting the courts weren't her parents, she wasn't a child, and she wasn't about to be told what to do, where to go, and when.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEV0fBfavHu
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But now she had no choice. She went wherever people took her.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORZXITqXbh
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As Janelle lay helpless in her hospital bed after surgery, she had what she would describe as her typical shit luck by ending up on the ward with a nurse who happened to know one of the neighbors she had harassed. What were the odds? Well, apparently pretty good for Janelle even though she was in what was nearly a mid-sized city.
The matronly middle-aged black nurse loomed over her threateningly, staring coldly into Janelle’s eyes that were slowly darkening as she realized something sinister lurked above her. At first, the nurse didn't say anything, adding to Janelle’s curiosity and trepidation.
Then, hissing softly so the uniformed guard posted just outside the door wouldn't overhear her she said, “That poor woman living next to you that you harassed along with her boyfriend are close friends of mine. Yeah, I know where you live and I'm not only gonna make your time here hell, but I'm gonna git yur ass afterward too. And you know what else, white trash? I know you can hear and understand everything I'm saying. And there ain't nuttin’ you can do about it. No one's going to believe a word you say. Everybody already knows you're a chronic liar and a racist lunatic. Yeah, what you gonna do about it, tough bitch?”
It would later emerge that those eyes of hate and anger eventually turned to fear. Even so, the nurse would eventually come to find that she had made a grave mistake that day. Janelle remembered her name and even though she had become smart enough not to write about some of her crimes in her journal, and even though there was no proof, it was believed that Janelle later retaliated against her as well as others who had crossed her.
The nurse continued her taunting. “Imagine a big black nurse threatening to chop off those hips and feed them to the wolves and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it but lie around and be forced to keep your fat pie hole shut? Even when you are able to talk, no one's going to believe you. You're just a liar and a hater and everyone knows it.” She loomed over Janelle, her own eyes full of rage. “Yeah, you accused my friend in court of playing the race card, but you just wait. Karma is going to bite your ass real good, you little bitch.”
Janelle couldn't see her, but she could hear the much younger voice of another nurse approaching who was speaking to the guard outside the door. Then she entered the door to her private room. “Inez?”
“Yes?” asked her tormentor as she turned to face the doorway.
“If you're finished here, we need you in 312.”
“Right on it. Be there in a second.”
The younger nurse left and Inez turned back to Janelle, leaned down, and whispered in her ear, “I'll be back.”
No sooner had she left when the officer outside her room took a seat in her room as the corridor was being mopped. He noisily dragged a chair over toward the end of the bed and rudely kicked his feet up on the foot of her bed while whistling annoyingly, another thing Janelle was powerless to do anything about. Janelle could feel his heavy boots grinding against her ankles along with the metal cuffs around them, not that she was going anywhere.
After deciding the officer was highly insensitive and unprofessional, Janelle mulled bits and pieces of her life over in her mind, wondering how things had gotten so damn bad. New Mexico was supposed to be a fresh start that would turn out to be better for her but instead, she found herself missing some past experiences in New York she once considered nightmares and realized they weren't so bad after all.
She slipped into a restless sleep and when she awoke a few hours later, her husband was hovering over her. She gazed up at him with her eyes partially open, the only part of her she could still move at will. Janelle's eyes started off a bright shade of brown as her husband began telling her what she wanted to hear. Or so she at least thought, anyway.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxibcJ2ZKtV
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“I am so, so very sorry,” her husband told her. “I'm so sorry I wasn't more helpful to you in the past so that hopefully you wouldn't have to be going through what you're going through now. I promise that from now on, our lives are going to be better. I really am on your side. I'm going to do whatever is best for you and do my absolute best to make sure you're happy. I'll do everything I can to help see that you get the things you want in life.”6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXu1JIt67h
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The eyes were still twinkling brightly with a touch of sadness but a lot more hopefulness emanating from them.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3SVffQmka
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“However, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm going to make sure I'm clearer as to where I stand on things and that I clarify things in a way that you can understand easier.” He sighed heavily and went on. “I don't know any other way to say this but basically, I know I can't always be what you want me to be. I'm sorry you're not going to have a child, but I am who I am just like you are who you are.”
After admitting to Janelle in his own way that he wouldn't be able to perform to her standards in bed much less impregnate her, he studied his wife's face.
The eyes were now several shades darker.
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