Lily woke to the feeling of being squeezed in someone else’s embrace. She felt their muscles press against her back as they held her close. There were cold, wet streaks flowing down her face. Was she crying?
That’s when she heard the man’s voice. “Wake up...” Jason pleaded. “Come on, Lily....”
She could feel her breath come out in shivers. There was a cold pain in her chest, making her nauseous. She then opened her wet lashes to find her face in the crook of Jason’s neck.
“Wake up...” he begged her. “Please....” She could feel him run his hand down the back of her head, calming the heat waves that flowed through her.
“I’m awake....” Her voice cracked from fear. All she could think about was her dream... The horrible dream... All she could feel were the heat waves, the cold rushes, her aching heart, and Jason’s muscles relaxing when he heard her voice.
Her words trembled as she spoke in a whisper. “I remember....” Her breath shivered as her eyes stung with tears. “I remember what happened six hundred years ago... My mom...” her voice shook, “my mom... was alive when I found her....” Lily could feel Jason’s hand stroke her hair gently. “I... went searching for her when Damean killed the twin... He lunged for me when I found him... and I... I... Oh god....” She felt tears drip down her cheeks, forming ice crystals on her skin.
“It’s okay,” Jason said gently. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“I dropped him!” Lily cried. “I dropped the baby and KILLED him! I murdered a CHILD! And I ran! I left him!”
“Angel...” Jason whispered somberly.
“I went searching for my mom...” Lily sobbed. “And I was crying because of what I did... I killed a baby... and ran... because I didn’t know what was happening... I didn’t know why there was a werewolf in my bedroom... If I didn’t drop him... He would still be alive....”
“You can’t think like that, sweetheart,” Jason said. “You didn’t mean to hurt him. You dropped him because you were scared. And you should’ve ran because Damean was after you.”
“I can’t...” Lily sobbed. “I CAN’T!”
He felt her body shake as she cried in his chest. Dread climbed up his heart as she sobbed from fear and anger. She was afraid of herself. She was afraid of Damean. Angry at the world. Enraged by her choices. He could tell by the ice that formed on her skin as it melted from heat.
Cry it out, he told her through her mind. It’s okay.
He could feel her grip tighten on his shirt as she screamed in frustration. Her veins glowed in the darkness as she got angrier. “I HATE HIM!” she shouted. “I HATE DAMEAN! I HATE HIM!”
Jason ran his fingers through her hair as she grabbed onto his shirt, burning the fabric in her fingertips.
“It burns!” she sobbed. “I can’t control it! Let me go! I’m going to hurt you!”
But Jason didn’t let go. He could feel her skin burn his, but he didn’t mind it. It hurt, but not as much as feeling her pain. Her self-hatred.
“Jason...!” She couldn’t breathe with this fire filling her blood. “Jason, let go...!”
Instead of listening to her pleads, he sat up, and picked her up in his arms, holding her close as he walked out of the bedroom and padded down the hall.
“I can’t control it!” Lily yelled again. “I don’t want to hurt you! Please!”
Jason didn’t talk, he walked to the living room and sat down on the floor, resting his back on the side of the couch, Lily in his lap. Her cat like eyes glowing a dark purple as she stared up at him.
He picked up a picture frame off the side table that laid next to him. “Do you remember this?” he asked softly. She looked down at the picture. It was a drawing she made of her riding on Jason’s back as they both laughed together.
She felt the fire in her veins calm. “Yes....”
“You drew this for me when we first met,” Jason said. “You were so happy that you met someone who finally understood you.” He held the picture out to her. “Here, take it.”
Lily lightly took the frame out of his hands as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “I remember you thinking that you wanted to be loved for who you are,” he continued. “Your personality, your traits. You wanted to be loved so badly, that Damean used that want—that desire—to take control over you.” She felt tears bubble in her eyes. “You were afraid of feeling angry. Afraid of hating someone because you wanted someone to care for you. And because of that fear of hating someone, you distanced yourself from everyone because you felt as if you didn’t deserve to be loved.”
Lily’s tears splashed onto the glass of the frame, but they didn’t freeze or burn. They were normal.
“But you opened yourself to me,” Jason breathed. “You let me in. Because somewhere deep inside, you did feel you deserved it. You just didn’t know why you didn’t. And angel,” he tilted her head up to look at him, “the reason why you felt you didn’t was because you hated yourself. Deep inside, you knew someone was inside your mind. And you were angry at them. And I know you hate it when I say that, but listen to me. You’re allowed to feel angry. You’re allowed to feel emotions. That’s why I’m telling you this.” He brushed her hair out of her face. “If you don’t let yourself feel, it’s going to eat inside you until you die.” Then he added at her concerned expression, “No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you if you don’t. It means... I’m worried you’re going to leave me... Forever....”
Lily’s lips parted for a moment. “What does that mean...?”
It means, angel, Jason told her through her mind. Two things. Either you kill yourself, or Damean gets to you. And... She could see tears brim his eyes. Then he said aloud, “I don’t want either....”
She looked down, thinking.
“If you don’t want to hurt me,” he said quietly. “Then don’t hurt yourself....”
She breathed shallowly. Maybe Jason was right. Maybe she didn’t deserve to hurt herself. She dug her head into his chest and Jason exhaled a sigh of relief.
“Let’s get you some Jasmine tea,” he said. “Then we can go back to bed. How does that sound?”
She nodded into his shirt.
“Okay, come on.” They both stood, and Jason held Lily’s hand as they walked to the kitchen. She sat down onto the barstool and he padded to the other side of the granite top counter, turning on the coffee machine, and grabbed mugs out of the top cabinet as it heated.
“Jason... my mom...” Lily said.
“What about her?” he asked as he placed Lily’s mug on the machine.
“She was alive when I found her,” Lily whispered. “She told me to run because she didn’t want me captured... When I asked her where dad was, she had that look in her eyes. That angry look. As if she thought Lucifer was the bad guy. And as if she thought Damean wasn’t real....”
“She probably didn’t know Damean existed,” Jason said. “It was Lucifer who killed her, right?”
“Oh, yeah...” Lily said in regret.
“Hey.” Jason turned to her. “Something’s going on in there.” He leaned over the counter and tapped Lily’s forehead with his finger. “You’re blaming yourself for something. What is it?”
She looked down at the counter top. “I... killed... my father....”
Jason sighed somberly. “Look....” He hesitated as he tried to find the right words. “What other options do you think you could’ve taken?”
Lily’s brows drew together as she tried to think of something. “Umm....”
“You could’ve let him kill me,” Jason said.
Her head shot up to Jason’s lazy gaze. “NO! I WOULD NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN!”
“Then tell me.” Jason raised his eyebrows. “What else could you’ve done?”
Lily hesitated, searching for an answer. Then she looked up quickly. “I could’ve killed Damean!” she said fast.
“Good point,” Jason said. “But Lucifer would’ve still died.”
“Wha—” She looked down at the countertop. “Umm... I could’ve... I could’ve... prevented Damean from taking me?”
“How?” Jason asked. “He had his hand around your throat.”
“I could’ve kicked him.”
“You really think that would’ve got him to let you go?” Jason asked with an eyebrow raised.
Lily’s heart pounded as she tried to find an answer. “Umm....” She bit her lip. “I could’ve... escaped?”
Jason clicked his tongue. “Once again, how? Your foot was bolted to the floor.”
“Ugh...” Lily said angrily. “I’m out of ideas....”
“Then why are you still blaming yourself?” Jason asked softly. “Don’t you see it’s not your fault?”
“Yes, but....” She hesitated as she tried to find why she was blaming herself.
“But?” Jason wondered.
She sighed in annoyance. “I got nothing....”
He smiled. “And this is where I rest my case.” He turned away and started the machine.
“Why are you so difficult...” Lily whined.
“Because I choose to be,” Jason responded.
She groaned and rested her head on the counter. She could just hear Jason’s thoughts, ha-ha I win.
He was about to put the tea bag into her mug when he heard Lily's thoughts calm down until they were completely silent. Softly, he put the tea bag onto the counter and left the hot mug as he gently walked up to her.
Jason saw the position she was in. She bent forward, her head resting on the counter. Hands flat under her cheek like a pillow. He knew from the moment her thoughts disappeared, she fell asleep. That’s what happened when someone fell asleep. He couldn’t see their dreams like other mind readers could, and he was grateful for that. He didn’t want to know what Lily dreamt.
This is going to be hard, he thought. Lightly, he placed his hand around her back, and slipped his other arm under her knees that bent over the edge of the barstool. Jason slowly lifted her, trying not to bang her knees against the counter-top. She didn’t wake. Not even a little.
Once he got Lily off the barstool, he carried her down the hall to the bedroom, her head dangling off his arm. When they got to the bedroom, he gently deposited her onto the king-sized bed, pulled the comforters up to her waist, and draped a soft blanket over her arms.
He stood by the bed, wondering if he could fall asleep, gazing down at Lily as she slept.
He looked over to the floor where there was a bundle of papers. His brows pushed together as he stepped to the pile and picked them up. They were wrinkled as if someone shoved them under the bed in a hurry. The hand writing on them looked like Lily’s. Though he couldn’t read them in the dark. He couldn’t turn the lights on in the room without waking her either.
He then stepped out of the room, shutting the door softly, and padded down the hall to the kitchen, still holding the pile of papers in his hand.
After making himself a cup of tea, he sat down at the counter and read the papers.
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpvixo1eJx
He hurt me.
He cut me.
He made me bleed.
I never wanted a life like this. All I wanted was to be loved.
Why is it that everyone I love leaves me?
My mother.
My aunt.
My teachers.
And now the only person who loves me is destined to die.
Why can’t I live a normal life?
I want this to last.
I want this to last forever.
It’s hard. I can’t even think of this around him.
He knows everything I think.
He knows all I want is him.
But he doesn’t know that all I have is him.
And if he’s gone, if I lose him, I lose everything.
I can’t handle that.
I’ve already lost everything, and I’m not sure if I’m the reason why.
What if Damean takes me? What if I lose to him?
I can’t handle this! Why doesn’t anyone understand that?!
I can’t lose everything! I can’t wait for it to come back to me!
All I want is a life! I want to live with him! I want to live with the one person who matters to me!
And I can’t tell him... I can’t tell him what I know because it’ll hurt him... I love him too much to hurt him...
I can’t tell him that his best friend... the one person who cared about him when his parents died... wasn’t real...
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7rtFGw9pu
What? Jason thought. He turned to the other page.
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIZnKmLz3a
I’m cursed.
He told me that my bad side was contained.
He told me that I wouldn’t turn into her.
The one person I love lied to me.
I know he did it to keep me safe.
I know he loves me.
I know he doesn’t want to hurt me.
But he knew that she’s not contained.
He knew that she’s still alive.
But he doesn’t know who she is.
She lied to him. She lied to me.
She’s still alive.
She’s trying to control me.
That’s why I’m afraid of being angry.
I led Jason to believe that I was angry at myself.
Which is true...
But it’s not the whole story.
She wants me to hurt him, and if I tell him who she is, he won’t believe me.
He might even hate me.
I don’t want him to hate me.
He’s all I have.
He’s the light in my dark world.
He’s the end of the tunnel.
And I can’t hurt him.
I can’t be the one to tell him that she’s alive.
That my wolf is alive. My inner wolf.
Lilith Morningstar.
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVToPrr3Fo5
Jason eyes widened as he read the last sentence.
62Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyRvTVqRfK
And that’s why I must go now. I took the pills. In one hour they’ll work, and I’ll fall asleep for a hundred years.
