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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IdpGMABt6
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSiN8a4AK4
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWnAsx94jc
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOUeGn4VKY
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdwlygfwsw
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedE4eDGz5J
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCNUJSR9yv
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyOE9uxhSF
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtCaNLSkNs
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYsQkZZAvG
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTUJ9D22S0
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4OjeO4M16
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeQL00lpPm
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rgcKwjPRc
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrpdoIb67s
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpByttIei5O
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaD3aXAsYHY
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7c82Cveku
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MNZsrysXz
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ENalbv4wm
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGtFAfgRHp
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkkwU57eg5
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzsL17alzr
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzzX4aaJFT
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1btCNi25Bx
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNrxOXcWCO
You've met?
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7D0iylsRbw
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeiq9ZUaCn
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBRc3tfNf0
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ziFg9wbRT
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNoFqv0k8w
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWvMY44YOc
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPr7QjBKQpV
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJzLbFaUmO
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2Sb5eIt6q
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtl9E0yDUo
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrctqg6nIR
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFEJOId2mx
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7gMcY8zVR
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QSpuFCF3M
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthK3TrcHZP
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt73pChRREI
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ynjGPKecG
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7UGQSUI0e
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2DPgYM5RI
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziizjN22DF
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSbV8k8RN9
I know that already!
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHTncUMxKl
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulpgoRFDj5
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHpp19vu3S
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4fVdMiAai
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0D183MOVz
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPlWVBm3oO
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKz6TMr3I9
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszfghePZYq
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTs76jUycdf
No you're not!
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SHARON200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRDWKrzAMW
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7bRSp61AA
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZGwDe0VfB
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyu3tbP1I9
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbPUOOUyBE
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcepeVJujH4
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIrt01FEIR
What?
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKBTXlAzDN
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxyKpGkQKB
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOcTXYwjFT
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrFSjq8FUj
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbw898Q9ooB
Long enough.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCWyDx6QRL
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBv6ZdgqCpt
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5n8tFGCKc
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoa0zCFicOp
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQuRahYHYS
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkJ9rnzxj8
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8q2khUx8lH
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVYfAcAdlu
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN92sNbxZmW
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzHALjU4yh
GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQ8z9F8sPS
Thank you.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB80rYWmXAR
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSdahPNSM3
GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzDA9CBxfo
Does this mean you want me back?
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63g77zOU6J
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SNjlAkSWp
HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCQ7V1uySM
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBKpBgswxq
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiehOj54qOC
GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NhgPRY26r
Well you can't have me.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknrf9lnKb3
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0ygH0u750
HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGoep345DA
WHAT?
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCJOY7sr1m
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjEQvOMFz1
GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW944ult1fz
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeC6qhb6HY
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYslwSWsL1E
HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhURwgLxR9Z
But...
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5DNLDeLL3
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HPlEduvJy
GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSEU3ddEAb
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNuEUHKrj7
CHANTAL grins.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaM4XBOAotI
HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2pGWw7psf
But...
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzBt7dcA5J
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNU7wDGuS8
CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNkxXIvUM3
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqtFeBnBU4
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Qjx9CDw7M
HARRY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnP8c1ySO8
Gregory?
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9T3cMhEU9
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IbIVI504O
GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIP9NiYbG1A
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcKgrfs5Hr
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRi03wfAVl
CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qW0PcY8Nd
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MYDGkTPJg
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3np2NITrq
GREGORY200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1RT4qTE3l
Of course you are!
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPQneg4s9Z
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYzJD35uQB
CHANTAL200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisODU1P2sH
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfZm8xoFsv
200Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2OS1kGLis
THE END
ns18.222.164.11da2
