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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVi8niqH4ed
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOamgxcsEsp
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkTJRh64Wr
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunvHvlj659
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBYFLokvzG
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsFNVPPbpH
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQ4lOkC302
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IdnP3Qmmp
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9m1v6GR1J
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwafo5piBDB
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbvGJuYi4h
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrsSa6NsZe
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbIq04ktKD
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCjjER3TKK
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBuzKI00xr
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6OKyQ50Mt
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTRSI0GZGn
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRKSjOx7uq
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGatdVHPbt
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuS5tg4wch
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMOT0jWmnf
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLUnSmSEiC
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0CF4EY8YA
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rEP47xm6m
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQwejmkBTj
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCHe5OTWjB
You've met?
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxpiISKwiT
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YiWpqg7aE
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsS4HmGvPN
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfrCdXAOna
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBLofOem2Q
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAg5I1xAcN
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVsBg0Pt29
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YY2r2ynQh
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKt0yaNLE8O
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfH9IYd8nb
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UQr30oUwG
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0I7jxMh0X
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmojUkeq7f
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNULSvnwcI6
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1EbDfdAuU
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIFFp2ZxCM
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuNHkJR4Ja
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQC9mVhB1p
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3J31mObdU3
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4zd2iHe3I
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnLkFWixU7
I know that already!
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CKPikEAzV
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXCyjr98pL
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMy98NwTva
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQijvC8sL4M
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIaUcue0mq
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpud95qVKL
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpC9JlC0Hc
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuPdj6XPha
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YriMVVeXU
No you're not!
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SHARON230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNqzCrdRik
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1HrCCwLv9
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjj7DtItUu
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtm2XSshWi
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNm1Q3yumv
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBvbVUbfQx
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCfYoCeorT
What?
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRY2RQoCM3
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6NRaVTvbF
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpf8iguxK8j
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0P9XNSFCE
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpg8krzGu5
Long enough.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf40zoEgYYY
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm14X0DG3wy
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrB4kAOt1Do
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76zn3yYj87
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KKRn5HwOT
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LM1vloqm3
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMK98GOqaE
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8GLnfb3sY
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtLYeqJz2s
Well, if you insist.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeVrpNpVB5
GREGORY takes the ring.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8D2tKcuYu
GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifsoEooRiI
Thank you.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoapQZWmyl
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQex9lunOfp
GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuFlzOCEPc
Does this mean you want me back?
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdisMBkFUZ
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKG8c108bm
HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UHAYea6KX
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKstoMyeBxt
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6J05X4XGw
GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5246XHTs0
Well you can't have me.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1xWYS6Hq9
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RhZ6QVWVJ
HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadWs4dYE9u
WHAT?
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJxEI1EQN2
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9UbIAfBFc
GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoBdzW8dnu
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVxnMNNQlV
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIPNEUU9xa
HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhe6odPT4C
But...
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpjN8KxrV3
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9nsSj990U
GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8BAalmZvi
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsHNsjWKsE
CHANTAL grins.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLJeLXM756
HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFk6AlQqEyC
But...
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28LuAyXEM5
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRAW4GXkWY
CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjgcJe0ZgR
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHRk67cxGJ
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPBZj6IHcI
HARRY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wz7Lij150
Gregory?
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjDktQZIBi
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPSFVX2jjd
GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0Z1lFv421
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLO7mniMF0O
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0QV9gkPtY
CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGemom4JxRT
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6cSuwOt8B
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCPWMYmZwG
GREGORY230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3YSPFZVtw
Of course you are!
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCdQBYuff3
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKwoYHors6
CHANTAL230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuggEvorv7H
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSJsux67fz
230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMdscMtMbR
THE END
ns216.73.216.176da2
