Denial.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNukJmJ3XY
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hqld6jJIC
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYd3isOQ1k
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBt5PVDCcla
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUABYbUZ5y
"I'm fine," I stressed.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlqES9eTLz
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxujpnfNbr
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZkepX8qAh
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Kg6oZu2Ex
***483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0URmyFTC2b
Anger.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpG7ItEQ57Z
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrx3Rxno0j
Things are always easy when you're a kid.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMz3XJJzZn
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkOlNFRpA1
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXakIOK0DmO
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKxqzwkaUV
"Clara?"483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYG1MLyuAe
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0j7i7V7JU
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoWt2nKbav
"When can I go home?" I asked.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3JECI1kcR
He sighed. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13ndGV5aek
"Well?"483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHT3HCMPbYb
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFuxESnGHj
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKuxbEMbPf
"Talking helps."483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2rDd0Lxxs
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGazZDYDbU
"It doesn't work that way."483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhWy9X7oc2
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjRQrvxyTk
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUL4BPTq0C
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3VrHXVNpH
***483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6ii7TRNtd
Depression.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVWjegD4ca
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyvyjJmVjm
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNS0GtMaxf
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wqGEvLoV1
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3PQ1yyXd2
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL66gnSouWr
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshf0vIkH0E
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIz92xJsrZk
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOc6fNj8vT
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSAHRezhQD
***483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfSw7PtD6D
Bargaining.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfToXUmHVSH
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAl9CZSmJA
They say it's the five stages of grief.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9np7m7vED5
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYjP3lUFad
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYBdbulp1P
But now, you don't. I don't.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqB2cAaDFf
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zMkgntp3L
***483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKNwoGN0YC
Acceptance.483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvj2vcuAPQ
There's nothing you can do to change it. 483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrcHR8W7Hg
***483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EGKD792Bi
