Denial.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRZUXhkxKp
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4Ex113lGV
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQtI7zbXLl
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BWTWwMKk6
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf04IvU8mfW
"I'm fine," I stressed.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXED3ikY520
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqAeL0qm6W
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡte0B67LsVy
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZT980ktc0X
***440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpyj5JDY3b
Anger.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoasqMQVZui
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b7PHt6txx
Things are always easy when you're a kid.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVhHWGUpC7
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeYtsfRli2
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyCinDlVwK
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQKigurQ3y
"Clara?"440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4YtoXJaY4
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXabyHRbq5
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpkIr1uNv5
"When can I go home?" I asked.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6c47RZFDx8
He sighed. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLZTAdoWC9
"Well?"440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBYA5HbEa5
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5BynbkC4L
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17lUzhxkyf
"Talking helps."440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGEef3UPpa
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DH2HBrwPp
"It doesn't work that way."440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhO9OuLuFS
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRqiTyZsmQ
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlfghuMc62
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uGelDxg10
***440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmyOICOlSZ
Depression.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlKRzrdqPM
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWHkC9AjAu
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dXXVIRZ2E
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOhCAmr1Qk
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVUKG69Op8
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqYfQpbt4Y
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxenCHgDPXd
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikwXpJCnKH
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9To6OyXL80
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrGM250Erd
***440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGwao6ORtT
Bargaining.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NNqiApcTl
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ooyEQRdKO
They say it's the five stages of grief.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScSfpPuQUc
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDwaWYbxtI
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmee3ggA6ry
But now, you don't. I don't.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjV8DQ6yKw
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgviVeBwsH
***440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKIzebzFSB
Acceptance.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIG76vTeSR
There's nothing you can do to change it. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERw8ehkgp7
***440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIzGkqL5Hf
