Denial.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFpz5e2Swu
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaB4RTwwIU
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yo80pAt5n
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUiidQpx35
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bmmktyQKA
"I'm fine," I stressed.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvL8NIOeKXm
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUi5e6NStb
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eJidBhi7Y
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4brC69QgE6
***413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVND95mserD
Anger.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAe6W0yQh5
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIeNrDihwJ
Things are always easy when you're a kid.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfFikyEYbf
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AmslWWIys
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9q3xDu3CT2
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqRgtRTq49
"Clara?"413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKlGthAz2j
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2ArAPcB7o
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMZ8pVPm7N
"When can I go home?" I asked.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3xwgIHihX
He sighed. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9JyXdz5qI
"Well?"413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SxGZQkdkV
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvq2x9AWRhA
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvgmLPjlnl
"Talking helps."413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuV24NkhPAj
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDhHSGnv4Y
"It doesn't work that way."413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjS4aDrvP39
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmty2MjuqX
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwf5JG6XNB
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVL39UqQcKZ
***413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9JDGxWCRq
Depression.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5opU8HNnZ
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWVMYQVuOC
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSROcrj6ZPl
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqrZLFjkaQ
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnsPVJpi78
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hJNVUF8KL
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjut6Vxrfl
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPdMC9y1Hn
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQvJx80XKm
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdfC1QMwm1
***413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbL2Abv1B4
Bargaining.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9qSGXrrnw
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOwL4BDZJi
They say it's the five stages of grief.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkYrYPTp2S
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhk7b6RT4Wi
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91B1RJTNXr
But now, you don't. I don't.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCt9pWPzgK
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxNyOUcVzt
***413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62lMe0UwmN
Acceptance.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM4CiKfWmo
There's nothing you can do to change it. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqHHhW5r5r
***413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGAcT4uLS6
