Denial.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBp370hncNp
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOt7kUxdMva
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGmqqMhUIk
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSPHAGAk82
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6UiNkO0k5
"I'm fine," I stressed.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5h9Eg2t6Q
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6mNfrsecA
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqsOkNgCI7
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacmcwJt3k6
***439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNp5Ogf36e
Anger.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiZ1OcQJUV
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26U6XlOJTQ
Things are always easy when you're a kid.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCKFPB8tF8
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCv891a6HSg
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmavd9CVLh2
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ3ATi1EkG
"Clara?"439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcSgfM0I6G
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQr10sbTpK
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVFXPaFWN6
"When can I go home?" I asked.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBa1YrD2o1e
He sighed. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1heccIc9t
"Well?"439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwQJIBSpno
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpH1wQDhcaW
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35ny37tXuy
"Talking helps."439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZFrEHerDi
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqo94ocb2Ny
"It doesn't work that way."439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4jxBoUhey
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRjGvRvoCE
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eIQKiEYOY
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvURzrdX4Zr
***439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcRgdvAZHS
Depression.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHdmF733s3
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xookixR4P
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TLpy1utsB
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6I6wwRFtB
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpaWB2zE5I
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡht6vJugkFI
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoRyPRu9Xo
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFzC8NDv0w
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNeQvl2amq
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8X0ADoP7O
***439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZOx7woUgA
Bargaining.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0zxNi6zYs
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XXRENo4uq
They say it's the five stages of grief.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivGKIwtZWI
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S9PcwFByM
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxmMivsmLo
But now, you don't. I don't.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8IqJHtQCT
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZkrDEhbC6
***439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmu6flpc911
Acceptance.439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39qDeqz0X0
There's nothing you can do to change it. 439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxA2dJ81PB8
***439Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fJAM4pEAE
