Denial.312Please respect copyright.PENANA2r2f6Ez3T1
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 312Please respect copyright.PENANA6gmFYpgMrY
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."312Please respect copyright.PENANA557NYUaMwg
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."312Please respect copyright.PENANAC2QkELuSQ6
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.312Please respect copyright.PENANAyp7WwxztcN
"I'm fine," I stressed.312Please respect copyright.PENANAo4zMzppVPW
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.312Please respect copyright.PENANACVDEEUcGjh
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.312Please respect copyright.PENANAPknLBS9TBW
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.312Please respect copyright.PENANAhamYwfAzls
***312Please respect copyright.PENANAjFemmExVYn
Anger.312Please respect copyright.PENANA9laszVw4yy
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 312Please respect copyright.PENANAwzUypJHhyU
Things are always easy when you're a kid.312Please respect copyright.PENANAzMuPiSn4ZN
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 312Please respect copyright.PENANAZtTUxCfSrT
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 312Please respect copyright.PENANAlbZihCXCqJ
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.312Please respect copyright.PENANA1ugeIhlQRz
"Clara?"312Please respect copyright.PENANAuqoEn8kNSK
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 312Please respect copyright.PENANAlnrvGzyxvd
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.312Please respect copyright.PENANACRZQkePeKv
"When can I go home?" I asked.312Please respect copyright.PENANAdxEO1Wkz1A
He sighed. 312Please respect copyright.PENANAfQI2UczWj2
"Well?"312Please respect copyright.PENANAPJnYSnGOVs
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.312Please respect copyright.PENANAoucZh7ZVAO
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."312Please respect copyright.PENANAL6bzxXdMoU
"Talking helps."312Please respect copyright.PENANAlvikASs3Sa
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"312Please respect copyright.PENANAwYCDEPQrVV
"It doesn't work that way."312Please respect copyright.PENANAxhRnsthwHe
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 312Please respect copyright.PENANAWpyjw3gm7T
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."312Please respect copyright.PENANAm0Dpk0xlRg
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.312Please respect copyright.PENANAhryO7RliT5
***312Please respect copyright.PENANAAZ7YvABSab
Depression.312Please respect copyright.PENANAqcjVdh9Sdj
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 312Please respect copyright.PENANAFS9LirZS4l
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.312Please respect copyright.PENANAbsvS8GW6UT
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.312Please respect copyright.PENANA4f4vUSnuNv
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.312Please respect copyright.PENANA7okwbTK7uu
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 312Please respect copyright.PENANAnmmhEDp8Hw
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."312Please respect copyright.PENANAKjeBZSrn27
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?312Please respect copyright.PENANAehXu2BY015
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 312Please respect copyright.PENANA81xHEOjydb
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.312Please respect copyright.PENANAEgOdq02h5s
***312Please respect copyright.PENANACrYHHQ1nvR
Bargaining.312Please respect copyright.PENANAsDANpkCoUF
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.312Please respect copyright.PENANAw1MZzEx2En
They say it's the five stages of grief.312Please respect copyright.PENANAMAoftOeX5g
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.312Please respect copyright.PENANAf7ZMAkRZ5s
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.312Please respect copyright.PENANAhC4ghliTJ6
But now, you don't. I don't.312Please respect copyright.PENANALADpdjtYOX
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-312Please respect copyright.PENANAjGqCfo4b6R
***312Please respect copyright.PENANAoajfRjZ3Ci
Acceptance.312Please respect copyright.PENANAg3JXXkilSN
There's nothing you can do to change it. 312Please respect copyright.PENANACG8M05Mm8v
***312Please respect copyright.PENANAr9l7GZAD38