Lao'k and I moved our meetings to the viewing room I had hid in before. I didn't want Kishna to walk in on us in the room, it would make things more difficult. He barely says anything to me. His sentences are always curt, to the point like he's answering Yes/No questions. I don't know how to interact with him anymore. I try to be friendly like I used to but, whenever I see his face I get nervous. I can barely meet his eyes. We're practically avoiding each other. We can't go back to the way things were, no matter how much I pretend the kiss didn't happen.
I know Lao'k's seen my memories, he knows what happened, but he hasn't brought it up. I thought for sure he would say something, 'I told you I was jealous' or the like. To be honest, I half expected him to be angry, but he was his usual self, and that bothered me. I don't know what I want from Lao'k, I feel so confused about everything.
The captain still follows us around, but he's been giving us a little more room. Sometimes he'd leave us to ourselves for an hour. It's weird being alone with Lao'k, at least with Ruiz around I could distract myself. Whenever he left us I panicked. Let me tell you, Laok's calmness was in no way helpful, it put me on edge even more. I needed emotional feedback, an encounter, something. Yet neither he nor Kishna were lashing out at me, it was stressing me out.
Why don't you read my mind?
I am aren't I?
"Alei, you sit in my mind but you do not read it. You wish to know my thoughts on what occurred between you and Kishna. Seek them."
He was right, I could know if I read his mind. But it feels so invasive to take without asking. What if I saw something he didn't want me to see? Where was his sense of privacy?
I have nothing to hide from you.
Hang on, he pops into my head and takes what he wants. Why am I concerned about his privacy when he ignores mine. He gave a soft chuckle. Fine, all I have to do is reach for his thoughts on that memory. I amped myself up, but couldn't do it. Since when did I become such a coward. I've never cared what people thought about me. Why now am I worried?
"I would like to touch you."
"What?!"
He held out his hands open in front me. Oh. I put my hands in his, he pulled them to his lips and whispered both aloud and in my mind.
"I am jealous. You shouldn't feel that way for another, I alone should excite you. Had you slept with him...I would have killed him when I awoke. You are my companion. Mine and mine alone."
I didn't know how to respond. I knew he was telling the truth, part of me was happy to hear it. Somewhere in my stomach I felt the fluttering of butterfly wings. Am I starting to like him?
"I would prefer you to love me, but it is a start."
We spent the rest of that day almost introducing ourselves again. He told me about his brother's wives. Wives! Mal'k has four wives, so much for a female shortage. Apparently, people believe Mal'k is the reincarnation of the founder of their species. Their founder was the only male to have multiple wives before the beginning. The beginning, is the period after the great storm had ravaged the planet. The founder and his wives had hid in a canyon during the storm and resurfaced as the last of the their kind, to repopulate the planet. Kind of the story of Noah.
You know he and Mal'k are twins, and he's the older one. Looking at them I'd never have guessed that. Mal'k looks much older, probably all those wives. They also share a unique bond, similar to companions. He says its because they were twins, their people believe twins are the same body, but with separate minds. When he talked about Mal'k and the founder I glimpsed a deep regret in his mind but he pushed it away before I could look closer.
"I thought you had nothing to hide."
"I do not intend to hide it, simply delay you from seeing it at the moment. That memory may influence you."
"I'm a grown woman, your treating me like a child."
"You react like one. And by our standards you are still a child."
Am I insulted? I think I'm insulted, he said I react like a child. Bet if I cut you off again we'll see who acts like a child.
I can hear every word.
"On that note, how do I block people out? I doubt you listen to every thought in a space."
"Your intentions involve blocking me as well, I have no reason to teach you such a skill."
He changed the subject, made me talk about my family, not that I needed to tell him. But he said it would make me comfortable to talk about it, so he was indulging me. Despite my confusion about everything, I was enjoying spending time with Lao'k. I started to regret when he had to leave, it never felt like we had enough time. One night as I lay in bed trying to work out what to do about Kishna, Lao'k spoke to me.
I wish your thoughts before bed would be of me.
What are you doing here?
I went to the door but there was no one in the hall.
Where are you?
On our ship.
I looked out the window. Nothing but the starry empty void. How are you talking to me through space?
Silly, you won't see my thoughts travelling through space.
You're getting sassy.
You are my companion.
How are you doing this? Have you always been able to do this?
It's our bond. I have never left your mind since the moment we met.
Can I do it?
You are doing it now, are you not?
Ok, silly question. But you know what I mean.
Yes, you can read my mind no matter where you are. Distance and consciousness are irrelevant between companions on the psychic plane.
That's why companions can wake each other from eternal sleep!
Yes.
I made my way back to the bed as I processed his statement. He'd never left my mind since we first met. He didn't have to read my memories, he had been in my mind when I spoke with Alyssa, when Kishna and I-
Yes I was. I also put the image of us in your mind.
Lao'k, you cannot manipulate me. Let me fall for you naturally if you want me to be yours.
You are within reach Alei. Things cannot drag on between us for too long. I crave the touch of your skin.
I've known you for just about three weeks Lao'k. Even if we account for the mind reading, we still don't know each-
Spend tonight in my mind.
I have to speak with Kishna in the morning.
I will wake you. Spend the night in my mind Alei, look through my memories. From the beginning if you must.
I conceded. He taught me a meditative method, I wasn't awake but I wasn't asleep either. Asleep enough to rest, awake enough to wander his mind. I walked through his memories slower this time. I saw his childhood again, his parents. His mother was tall and beautiful, she had black wings like his, she was gentle, much more than his father. His father was a harsh, cruel man. He wanted Lao'k to sit as head of the council, wanted him to be strong. He tortured him, broke his wings, carved his skin, left him hanging for days without food or water.
Mal'k was left to his own most times, and would go off into the desert to play. One day a storm raged in the desert and Mal'k was caught in the winds. Lao'k had flown through the storm with his broken wings and dragged him out. But the winds added to the injuries his father had inflicted. His Brachial Plexus was injured, he was crippled, could barely move his wings. His father kept pushing him to get over the injury, saying it was his lack of will keeping him from flying. I wanted to weep for him.
-
Time to wake up beautiful.
I opened my eyes, Kishna was already up, he was sitting at the desk reading a report.
Thank you.
I was up, but I still didn't know how to approach Kishna. I went to the bathroom, and rehearsed approaching him while I cleaned up. I was grateful Lao'k stayed quiet, I didn't need more distractions. When I exited the bathroom Kishna approached me first, handing me a tablet.
"Ms. Bronwen, good morning, these are the latest figures from Base 12. I've already run the Leucaena simulations. Here's the report."
Ms. Bronwen? He only calls me that when we're at meetings. I took the tablet from him. The figures were more favourable than we forecasted. The microbes and insects in the soil were working overtime.
"With figures like these our phase one will be shorter. We may even be able to expand faster than we planned."
"Indeed, I intend to start seeding our slow crops a month after we leave the halfway station."
"Do you need anything based on the new data?"
"I can't say right now, I'll need a few more days."
"Alright."
He took the tablet and left, just like that. No small talk, no how are you, nothing. Ms. Bronwen... he was putting distance between us. If it's work related, I guess I can be normal, I just don't like how things are going.
I much prefer them this way.
Lao'k...
I'm at the viewing room. Come.
When I entered the viewing room he was standing at the door with his arms open. I stepped right up to him and he hugged me. His smell was reassuring, his arms and chest steadying.
Which one of us is the lost puppy now?
I laughed and looked up into his eyes. I was beginning to feel safe around him, his mind was always so serene. I cupped his cheek. I might have already fallen for him and not know it.
-
The flightless poses a threat to our endeavors.
He is not of the council but they interpret his actions as ours.
I head people arguing, they sounded like Alythes. But it wasn't on the common channel.
Councilors he is my brother, you'd do well to remember that.
He may be your brother but he is tainted.
We should have left him in the Canyon of Regrets.
-
His face never changed, not once. He was used to hearing those things. I tried to search for the Canyon of Regrets in his memories.
Please don't.
More things I'm not ready for?
I can never show you those memories. They will break your mind. Promise me you will not search them.
Kiss me.
He did and I promised not to look for the Canyon of Regrets again. He told me I was hearing the councilors in Mal'ks mind. Mal'k wears a circlet as council master, that allows his mind to operate like a hub for the councilors. He then shares everything with Lao'k through their bond. I was reading everything from him. The councilors have no idea Mal'k snitches on them, they're really close, to the point I don't think they keep anything from each other. I guess it's how he wants us to be. He seemed happy I was becoming more adept at reading his mind.
We got closer after that. Sometimes I wonder if I pitied him after seeing his childhood and hearing the councilors. Were my feelings for him love or was I just sorry for him and caved? I've always wanted to experience true love, but was this it? Are my feelings for him the same as his for me? I know one thing for sure, I savoured our second kiss. I could keep kissing him.
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