Want to read the final version of this story in ebook or paperback? It'll be available soon. Sign up for my newsletter to be notified! 😊
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26koWcfvS0
Three Years Later…
Keegan
It’s been three years since Blue was taken away from me. Three agonizingly long years. But it’s almost over now.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KWEuGJIKg
It could have been a lot longer. Blue was originally sentenced to eight years in prison. Eight years. Just thinking about that now makes my stomach drop.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ICsJN6ZK8
I cried out when the sentence was read in the courtroom. Like a fool, I screamed at the panel that convicted him. I screamed at the judge. I couldn’t control myself. The sentence seemed so unfair, so pointless.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEuHnDan1q
Naturally, I was thrown out by the bailiff. So I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Blue before he was taken away.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYN7dqbFNx
Devastated, I went home to my room at the ranch. I curled up into a ball on my bed and stayed that way for the next week.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnObRSvWky
I didn’t bathe; I barely ate. I just wanted to sleep all the time, to dream that Blue was right next to me, tangled up with me.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiNnt7vSMK
I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I was mad at the Army, mad at the world, mad at God.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVn34bbgs07
Most of all, I was so goddamn angry at myself. If I hadn’t written everything down in my journal, none of this would’ve happened.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzgCoYgUYg
I didn’t see any way to go on. Not without Blue. Not for eight years, without Blue.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtmuwzqCeD
When I finally emerged from my self-pitying coccoon and started acting somewhat sane, Virginia gave me the letter from Blue.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80cRKxAZpN
He’d intended for me to have it right away. But Holmlund was worried how it would affect me. So he gave the letter to my grandmother and asked her to give it to me when she thought the time was right.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5QUbsydJj
I was pissed that she held it for so long. More than pissed. I was fucking furious at both her and Holmlund. How dare they make that decision?213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0cdvslYur
I screamed at my grandmother. I told her she had no right to withhold the letter from me. I stormed out of the house and into the barn, saddled Okie and took off at a gallop with the letter still unopened in my jeans pocket.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJ9ox5Baip
I didn’t read it until I reached the cabin. I went up to the loft, to the bed where I’d spent so many nights with Blue, ripped open the letter, and read it through, slowly, three times.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19B9V9Se9F
Then I cried for what felt like forever.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOK2lLAzi3
But after that, I got angry at Blue. I mean, I understood what he was trying to do. He was thinking of me, of what he thought was best for me.
But did he really think I would just walk away and forget I ever knew him? Did he really think I could do that?213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkH3ET4S4f
By the time I headed back toward the house, it was dusk. I took it slow, giving Okie his lead, moving at a gentle pace through the dark. I cried a little more, thinking about my romantic ride through the darkness with Blue several months ago. It seemed like another lifetime, when we did that.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxUlQMGegi
But I also started thinking about something Holmlund told me earlier when he called to check on me and Virginia literally had to force the phone into my hand.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk7XdTYjYu
“Keegan,” Holmlund said, “do you remember I told you the day the verdict was read that it wasn’t the end, that I still had some tricks up my sleeve?213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8w0x0cFNg
I didn’t answer: I just stood there silently, sulking like a baby. But I was listening.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZ4bnglLNZ
Holmlund went on, telling me about the Army Clemency and Parole Board.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTf76fftFH3
“After nine months, Blue can request clemency from the board. That means his sentence could be set aside completely or at least reduced, if we can convince the board that he deserves it.”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61ol47V2TD
And that lit a little flame of hope inside me. Clemency. If anybody deserves clemency, it is Blue Daniels.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvznd1p0j1
First though, we had to get through the initial nine months.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHf7aakoYv
It took two months before I was allowed to visit Blue at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. That’s because at first, he wouldn’t sign the permission form to have me cleared to come to the prison.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk16co85kjh
He wouldn’t even make the collect call to the ranch that he was allowed once a week. He called his mother, but not me.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2nEt88r6J
He was applying tough love, I guess. He wanted me to do what he’d asked me to do in the letter. He wanted me to walk away.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeP1XUhei9V
But I was not going anywhere. And I was going to make Blue talk to me.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kSprdW7MA
So I drove to Tulsa, to his mom’s house. A sympathetic Maria had told me when he was supposed to call her, and when he did, she answered and then handed the phone to me, walking away to give us some privacy.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1PvJGXNgy
I just stood there for a minute, holding the phone, debating what to say.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZ1ubK8eCh
“Hello?” I heard Blue say. “Mama?”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FgwKeydfv
Then I exploded. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayUCNEnFg1
Silence on the other end. And then, finally, his voice, weak and uncertain. “Keegan?”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk8BQkICEi
“Answer my question!” I snapped. “What is wrong with you? What do you think you’re doing, cutting me out like this? Do you know what it’s doing to me, Blue? Do you?”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQA0olxBXM
He didn’t answer, so I barreled on.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91ejM5riio
“How dare you send me a letter like that and then just expect me to walk away. Like I could even do that. What the hell were you thinking, huh? And, then, then, you pull this crap of not letting me come see you, not calling me?”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVq9KhI3Sc
He was still not responding, and I was working myself into a frenzy.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQV6xx1ycF
“You’re just a . . . a stubborn jackass! I’m not going anywhere, do you understand me? You are stuck with me. If I have to drive up to that prison and stand outside all day, every day, ‘til you sign that form, I’ll do it. You are not getting rid of me that easy. So don’t even think I’m walking away from you!”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZDMQl2Icl
Still, there was silence. I began to wonder if he’d hung up. But listening closer, I could hear his shallow breathing. The kind of breaths you take when you’re crying.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMOLo2N8U9
“For God’s sake, Blue, say something!”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuerlAQ0Df1
There was another long pause. “Eight years is too long, Keegan,” he finally said, sighing, his voice small and miserable. “It’s just too long. I can’t let you wait around for me, don’t you get that? I can’t do it.”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOh3bXTdYkO
“You have no choice. Do you get that, Blue? You. Have. No. Choice.”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mN25vgnB1
My body couldn’t decide at that moment whether to start screaming again or break down crying.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwffZmaN6o
“I’m waiting.” Now I'm half shouting and half crying. “And you are not shutting me out!"213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRudh3ogVH
I let my words hang there a moment. Then I went on a tad more calmly.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuMH4b13VC
"Besides, it won’t be eight years. Don’t you remember the clemency board Holmlund talked about? We already have a plan on that. So don’t think you’re getting rid of me. I told you, I will come up to that prison and stand outside of it every fucking day until you let me in. And I mean it!”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc57pEl55s
He did eventually sign the form, and Maria and I started taking turns driving up to see Blue. And he started calling me at the ranch as often as he could.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHZpI9RXWo
It wasn’t nearly enough. But it was better than nothing.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxxN7gfoeL
And that’s where Blue's music started to help. It was out there, being consumed, being shared, moving hearts and minds. Frasier Bryson was doing everything in his power to tell Blue's story, to advocate for him.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fiG9qNzvW
At the same time, Virginia was pulling political strings, calling in favors.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FSMVYDwBU
All of us—me, Holmlund, Virginia, Maria, Bryson —threw ourselves into the effort to get clemency for Blue.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvdfDhFmlb
His conviction generated headlines around the world, and we did everything possible to keep his name and face and cause in the public eye for those nine long months before he could apply.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEb0zXrZN3
And public opinion started to change. You could feel it.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzI39kFnvSy
I mean, there were still plenty of haters out there. I tried to avoid seeing the venom online. We still had to be careful with our own security.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqicd8faAy
But by the time Holmlund filed an appeal with the clemency board, public sympathy for Blue seemed at an all-time high.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmr7nPwh7aw
And when the board met, Cunny’s mom miraculously showed up to speak on Blue’s behalf, saying she believed clemency was what her son would want.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfuE883JgY
Blue broke down and sobbed as she spoke. So did I.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZwkw6GUcM
Even with all that, though, it took almost a year. The board dithered and delayed its decision. Holmlund said there must have been some strong opposition to granting Blue clemency.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVSfp3yUTu
But finally—finally—we got word he would be released just after his three-year incarceration date.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHjackvOGp
And now, I’m on the highway, almost to the Leavenworth exit. I’m going to pick him up, bring him home to the ranch.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktoA3c4azQ
Maria was kind enough to let me come by myself, to give us a little time alone together. She’s waiting at the ranch for him, along with Bryson.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5dfAEHVkJ
They’re a couple now. I guess when they met, they made an instant connection. Kind of like me and Blue.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BDWOLgRJ6
They were scared to tell Blue about it at first. They didn’t know how he’d react. But he’s been okay with it. In fact, I think he’s thrilled.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ol7EoJFL5
“Who would have thought?” he laughed in our last phone call. “Bryson and my mom.”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyl3JepmD4t
I’m beyond excited to get Blue out of prison. My body and my soul have ached for him every day, every second, that’s he been away. I’ve driven myself crazy thinking about what he’s gone through at Leavenworth.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNuQQ6DNbo
I can’t wait for him to touch me, hold me, make love to me. I want him to be rough and tender and crazed with passion and wild with adoration, all at the same time.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYC86v173x
But I’m also nervous about our reunion. About how it will be between us. Three years is a long time, and inevitably, we’ve both changed.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9D3YXvfZ1
Blue’s sadder, more introspective. I can see it in his eyes when I visit, hear it in his words.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAd1syz6ZS
He’s been a model prisoner, teaching music classes to inmates, writing more songs. He’s a better, stronger person now, I think.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbf8zN2tkHm
I’ve changed, too. At least I hope I have. The last three years have helped me grow up.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IxOeICBr9
I’ve spent a lot of my time with my grandmother, helping care for her. That nagging cough that’s dogged her was diagnosed as lung cancer not long after Blue’s conviction.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbZxnS5EQn
Just when it felt like we were getting closer, building the kind of relationship we should have had all along, I may be about to lose her.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReQYF4mZRX
I don’t know how much longer she has. The doctors say probably not more than a year. But they don’t understand what a tough old bird Virginia Cooke is. She may surprise us all.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJK9w5Fzja
She’s still prickly, still regularly gets under my skin. But I understand her a lot better now.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3PGwObHAF
I’m about to finish my degree at OU. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to Ikana, assuming they’d have let me come back. It just wouldn’t be the same.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwtAydBWhi
And I’ve applied for law school. Not because my grandmother wanted it, but because, after what we’ve experienced, I’m a lot more interested in becoming a lawyer than I ever thought I’d be.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡir50togFeF
I might still go into journalism. But I like the idea of having a law degree as well.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEOOTCcuTa
In a surprising turn of events, my brother is now a student at Ikana. Buick is apparently breaking hearts all over campus.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWn2end28I
But that’s another story.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruO6bspbpc
I see the Leavenworth sign up ahead and turn on my signal.213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI94dw8B4Kh
“I’m almost there, Blue,” I say. “I’m almost there.”213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkyMtMSxg2
~~~
Only two chapters left in this story! The final version of Tangled Up in Blue will soon be available in ebook and paperback. Sign up for my newsletter, and you'll be the first to know when it's ready!
Interested in Keegan’s sexy brother Buick? He's got a searing story of his own that will start soon here on Penana! Be sure to follow me so you don't miss You Belong to Me. 😊
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsc9rvr6b2B
