Over the next two weeks, the party started expanding out of all proportion in my mind. For a while it was all I could think about. I wasn’t sure what it would actually be like as I’d never been to a party before, but I imagined it would somehow have the power to raise me up from my sad life into something far better. I felt as though I was finally going to be saved.
As the day approached, however, I also grew anxious. For a start, I was aware I’d rested all my hopes on the event to such a degree that I could only be disappointed. I’d decided I was friends with Skye and her gang now, but, really, I hardly knew them. Did they really like me? They’d laughed at me when I’d failed abysmally at smoking dope. But still, Skye had been kind to me afterwards. And, of course, she’d still invited me to her party. Why would she do that if she didn’t want to be friends? Why would she bother?
A few times, paranoid thoughts circled in my mind. I remembered the way Joanne had tricked me into meeting her and her group in Jellie Park. Maybe Skye was doing something similar. Maybe there was no party and I would arrive at her house and find it empty, with all the lights off and the gang hiding across the street, laughing at me.
I tried to push these concerns out of my head, but it was difficult. A few nights the old fear that I was dying resurfaced. Once again, I was infected with AIDS and the sickness was sweeping through my bloodstream. I would lie awake in bed, my heart whirring and my chest growing heavy. I could barely breathe. I was certain at times that I would suffocate to death.
I also began to fear what would happen at the party itself. I assumed there would be marijuana there, and I assumed I would be expected to smoke it. The last time I’d only taken it in for a few seconds, not long enough for it to have any impact on me, seemingly. Did I really want to risk letting it actually affect me? What if it did kill me this time? What if I had a heart attack? Or went completely mad?
When these thoughts swirled around in my head, I began to think the party was far more trouble than it was worth. I decided several times that I wouldn’t go after all. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about whether Skye and her friends liked me, or whether I would do something stupid or embarrassing, or whether I would end up dead after smoking drugs. I wanted to take the easy way out. I would stay at home on Friday night, watch TV, chat with Dad, and carry on after that living the normal kind of life my parents wanted me to live. Why had I ever thought of doing anything different?
Of course, I knew this was all nonsense and that no matter what I would go to Skye’s party. There was no way I would miss it, despite all my worries.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEX4ZVywWLC
–––
A few days before the party, I decided to tell my parents that I would be at Skye’s on the Friday night. I wanted to stay out later than usual and I thought Mum and Dad would be more open to this if they knew I was going to be at Liz’s place. After all, Liz had been their friend. Surely they would trust her to look after me. I, of course, wasn’t going to mention anything about a party, or the fact that, as far as I knew, Liz wouldn’t even be there.
I brought it up when we were eating tea at the dining table. Mum and Dad were both surprised to learn I’d met up with Skye recently.
‘We haven’t seen them in years,’ Mum said. ‘How is Liz these days?’
I shrugged. ‘She’s good.’ I wasn’t going to mention that I hadn’t even seen Liz so far.
‘And the other children?’ Mum asked. ‘Oberon and Jade?’
‘They’re fine.’
Mum smiled and shook her head. ‘Such strange names they gave those kids.’
Dad nodded sagely. ‘Very strange.’
I toyed with my food. I was trying to judge when would be the best moment to make my request. ‘So anyway, I’m actually going over there on Friday night. Is it OK if I stay out until midnight?’
Mum frowned. ‘Why so late?’
‘We’re going to watch a few videos. They’ve got a video player.’
‘And Liz has agreed to this?’
‘Yeah, she said it’s fine. She always lets Skye stay up late over the weekend.’
Mum glanced at Dad, who opened and shut his mouth, then cleared his throat. He obviously had no idea how to respond and wasn’t going to offer her much help.
She turned back to me. ‘Where’s the house?’
‘Near Deans Bush,’ I said.
She chewed a piece of potato as she mulled this over. Eventually, she said: ‘All right. Write down the address and phone number for us.’ She stared at me. ‘You have to be back by midnight, though. No later than that.’
‘I will be.’
‘And say hi to Liz from us.’
‘I will.’
ns216.73.216.94da2
