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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkS10LdyI5Y
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKovwe9i9s
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorzT6PVMvw
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUALRTX30w6
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoG8kViZfR
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCZK8SiUBp
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0RjhFZuHc
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvPmwapDCC
為何記住？我解釋不了。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH1aAeKRtd
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5o63kdUd9
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZClBI0XVqg
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKt6xvygDD
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBuQwAEfZr
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPNDHyemNC
其中一個是他。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmg7Vk8RJnd
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHjiTYBBzp
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2n7CrSnr7y
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCoDBAxZNm
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxE71kOKJU1
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGicYledYg7
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1q7cP88cVl
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLC32VxwwsG
「你遺下銀包。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XrLujJch7
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOZcdZiurx
「謝謝。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeQo2Of4pm
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLe4HDrQ5n
「不用客氣……」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3pwVgP19L
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rcmxzHNA1
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfIfZN4SKh
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKKoKwxX9D
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFumJSqO2r
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9lZP48BiN
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCz0F9aItA
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5J3G4sn3b
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeK6AzZj49
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡin6tKa2o9Y
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOv0N9XIeJR
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WoJ7BqE98
「我是文班許家偉。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguTdHXcaDv
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmE6NMzmeF
「我是理班李浩榮。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8t3MA7F8r
其實我早已知道許家偉。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjUOcfm8Ce
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9s7uwdGH4e
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqne3G1qMPo
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhybSy7eGny
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSteZGHYR8
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPfYpOZvzg
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeyQpTW3vb
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUTbXMaQoJ
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgW1bi1bZqn
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FYRInn23A
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrr1Up5caqu
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JgCGmqA06
不服氣。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawhvJY3XJy
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdlWbasjDs
繼續觀察他。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowlDYusg4p
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHD5SsUPw6A
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQxMcHvGep
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwz3z3q17s
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdH6WcKy5vJ
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LGJCybhu0
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTM6ya8qOVv
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S9mAOPH1M
我急步追趕許家偉。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbe6Jb4QP2o
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqh2VSsRSt
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDwRDqik4T
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87Kc2rd2gI
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHRdoEh2j5
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljXQynOFPr
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoemP71NLne
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhX2xGur95
「你遺下了銀包。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvpOVRB8fc
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHZ4tvF38Y
「謝謝。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw37wvKhF9A
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AQ59Ss4he
「不用客氣……」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBgNXE98kI
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCfQgU1hJC
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiOWTpugD4
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl57lsIQEjW
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2wzckDqlB
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGsiYuYU7a
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1O9cO7cMB1
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0M8AlqYg7
我望入他雙眼。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjh8OVZzY3
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSM5a6wOENi
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4jo1N26jh
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAOP7BAbXg
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEBsU2k0i7
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuYau5sMkA
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB8pp5lTHt
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKFIFfXC9j
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguafVgFax1
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepuxoOZ9Lr
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDe5bgDxR4
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78KeWfUOU3
「我是文班許家偉。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNyUjXiWul
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZQ4hTjRnw
「我是理班李浩榮。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqgfV0UDLs
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wrxAaieZS
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cQBR5AQjC
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarMuNbEaFR
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARVlKcays7
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj03z5NhCM2
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mKhjdWaXl
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5YNzo8GMa
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6iOvDiNSW
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzJIZP6vjP
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTOktH7a16
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUSJIYYQDA
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTsXJjTCW1
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGn49f7LyG1
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpf8FC9uNa
但我沒有阻止他。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2d77oRwV3H
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmkaXUmm9Z
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrSVYyBpRo
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXNSlZwadN
我慫恿他繼續說下去。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhEWAiaZFa
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Qm4PIXEa6
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QKMUGThrr
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd38LG1FVwq
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITBu71cfxI
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivDtRJrjic
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqGjJmCJhh
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswe7znwnAI
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNzlcBp6L1
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsR96vmSUK
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAbSSLSg9k
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86VvdhA3Qf
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbca08GvmFh
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9PzoZrHlK
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ckyLy9bdI
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKclNmCy6Ki
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DZwJ6tgkf
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHuSVVlLwZ
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZM1oh9N1W
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkUoOuIZ4c
但我掛念他。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hOCVGXpQB
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROAhcy02IR
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOztgrRMH0
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiapVcVWDQ
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgLGMvgCDN
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPs4bhFiX0i
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzcavChWEb
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgBvtyqAQY
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcv47m0nEB
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDUmHCOCYu
不要說。不要聽。不要見。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTUdxsYBLs
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yxnpinLkp
希望時間會沖淡一切。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWgmkFLZ9m
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl73yV0wZMx
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXF3Fj4gHu
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdb58IDqwK
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0qxaOFZC6
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8qu8gRNuy
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PXudvElye
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQspVhJvwf9
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuxwQqzzCM
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gMp8rXHHP
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「我也不明白。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSeSjkGbI8
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EiKrmWdkN
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAKKBzaR1h
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZfgxrPEgh
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0U0ek38347
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYlMsgfArg
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「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uBHyxji55
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcrVwfnL7k
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCA5zwY64v
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HkilVJBER
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFa732fv5qe
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlNeqwXN77
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDrbiLDphQ
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13KDrwYHNt
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4AaGTQ3He
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80uLAvrJk1
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抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVw8b51Dq0V
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在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXn8AuPdxim
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我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28AfKOPMrA
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EhCN4YMX5
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為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qkXk6jwXp
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便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tT2nMY3NM
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為何要走到這一步？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdt4dgANsR4
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffSH5n2K5h
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDPTm2blKq
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4JtFF3sb0
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfzbQEXOtl
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4STlLwHTDf
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGus6A6RtA
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulorbg16i5
「別倔強。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZNvNc6ZD5
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「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PCVZt0xo0
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43FeNNJHbv
「我想你放棄。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxZfwU8RXd
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTKZLRrQbm
「原因？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjPo08ANYv
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDvyutpgey
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「我知道。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe34yr9mNxW
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCz4hS1fxym
「何解還要繼續下去？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWjc1G2J5O
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJH8PPn3pe
「感情易放難收。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJZ3dk6B9k
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoUYjZIoaF
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0AFJTkLHA
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgk2WnflPww
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfA4LIRuoHn
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架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KHYkNdfFK
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5N7sJ1HXCJ
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCq3fLxhuJ9
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我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90VbqDAbju
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoQGxGy7Qv
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4tb80EWGy
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkdowBsyXo
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUf8fivig9T
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2E0Wrb9yt
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTD3Prd3m5Y
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwBAub2gjY
小醉。半醉。大醉。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gwLLTZGxQ
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOJlINWWbx
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrH0FgffIme
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnny2qZ7xCU
「直接講我愛他。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqi5JfDGh5
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQerjwBvOV
「如果他拒絕？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS05jyGCrJI
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2jj1RkHGk
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaE5hGyB7Q
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTNzkGMGAN
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLAeajvvlH
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5eKNuCRhB
「我當然是高興！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUjmw8xvcW
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP62Sjfu8Ib
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKd5QgbZO9
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEseiAcDUU
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrG3mJSyyX
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRG5FT7kLTH
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2saVnZ7yW
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwOrjRRE4z
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk4oB876AX
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Id54bF8uq
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0SlsrxJyV
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3QfsmeTK0
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvXqQtOjSZ
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hu17DIDTi
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOXxz9Ax0y
「你仍然單身？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoIkfX0wL0
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9UiFw4gry
「是的。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjfZ5Oed9t
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRYnIzmZFx
「要我當媒嗎？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlLbMvnkN0
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpxK0bX4dC
「不了。難為情。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HkAHipTXM
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tZVEsPuNS
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWqKoPv020
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTyLiQFH06
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VTbxdylru
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多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumzbq8mSUl
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTrQjhbCV3
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadA5HS3BmK
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPNban24Yo
回家吧。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRflMtzBxe7
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HtnCPf5Gb
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoZl4vgSOH
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFsQJX98zf
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iOUV3IesY
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGa3tKsj0CK
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRqXfQrFts
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQHX5FcwVk
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大概是一見鍾情吧。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkv4z9AX5AP
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsPa6VGrz4
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gY55yRMsE
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kwnXJmQJ0
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我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡop2auzxHyN
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNlVNyKMUp
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9q1XyTuMD7
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1yytfoX5F
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百感交集……255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyXiYOY2Nz
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoD1VqVeB7z
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEQNDeiCw0
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEB3ZGIkoA
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwPfgyNvyK
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLl38OrZf1
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsa5KVs2622
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYMAW9LrgN
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEo5yzYRg9M
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvEjsM8pP8
「認得。你是文班的。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ8cQ5hrML
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFcBeXUWMG
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0K000Iwwr
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1iLuYPh5o
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdrO4Zhg9t
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUaycEPd1f
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZm5T04yIH4
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4RWci2aXk
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9qfUiPqMr
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGo6aOwPuR8
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6HGAcwLRd
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81S7eWZJyJ
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxfqj6YZj4
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIa6B95kRUu
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhSFWVX0QW
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvLu442vAz
我哭笑不得。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu2oUxFQjT
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHNrYPjXul
無意跟他繼續對話。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7dUqAw6Mc
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTeRgMmDpW
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zt0zNX7Xd
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aSd5o5Tsf
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDNPrOocjb
