午餐用膳後,男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場,或場上打籃球,或場外觀賽。我亦不例外,在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際,一個籃球高速自後側飛來,狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉,我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁,沒把事情放心上。當然,我也沒所謂,小事一椿。96Please respect copyright.PENANAsBBkRkVekd
96Please respect copyright.PENANABvXMf10FJG
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。96Please respect copyright.PENANAROVQJw1Ygt
96Please respect copyright.PENANAFTvmpW8D9A
匆匆一笑,半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑,僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。96Please respect copyright.PENANA0ydV8xxfjs
96Please respect copyright.PENANA8SB8T9C39O
但我還是記住了那抹笑容,記住了他的臉容氣質,記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。96Please respect copyright.PENANAMGgMZsUw4k
96Please respect copyright.PENANAT6MlteKpuk
為何記住?我解釋不了。96Please respect copyright.PENANAr2UPezw8is
96Please respect copyright.PENANAlBT6bJgCFf
好幾個月過去,夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目,男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起,動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒,說吃飽想睡不想動。96Please respect copyright.PENANAAz2TO6r5aM
96Please respect copyright.PENANAHbbdwrSjVc
我獨坐長椅一邊,納悶之際,兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。96Please respect copyright.PENANAdzd06JmPOg
96Please respect copyright.PENANAUUMnbzrbxu
其中一個是他。96Please respect copyright.PENANAvxf9oKQe60
96Please respect copyright.PENANA1YXhIAQmi2
那笑那臉那明暗,歷歷在目。96Please respect copyright.PENANA0e9Or5dKlN
96Please respect copyright.PENANA7h197uOhIh
心頭一顫,我馬上別過臉去。數秒後,我稍為冷靜,意識到自己的失態,佯裝無異,繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣,有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。96Please respect copyright.PENANAjvYXAC1WjZ
96Please respect copyright.PENANAgUQMXHqc3S
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時,他竟從後叫住我。96Please respect copyright.PENANA1fm6epXiCr
96Please respect copyright.PENANA7vHCzoN3DT
「你遺下銀包。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAbqAP7ydlEe
96Please respect copyright.PENANAhqol8uJtAN
「謝謝。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAiIDAe4wm2g
96Please respect copyright.PENANAseKfvwLAVZ
「不用客氣……」96Please respect copyright.PENANAdUBRgLGbTf
96Please respect copyright.PENANAUBJvmUZulC
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣,他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼?不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題?甚或是「為何要展開話題」?96Please respect copyright.PENANACiMyq2QQkB
96Please respect copyright.PENANAtN4q4G51X3
氣氛尷尬,四目交投,卻不知如何是好。96Please respect copyright.PENANAqZYtBoK1e2
96Please respect copyright.PENANAkecqUBVYT2
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過,彼此才回過神來,甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上,他往下。96Please respect copyright.PENANAK7ww38j1Xg
96Please respect copyright.PENANA2DZ6G5ucl6
誰料在午飯時間完結後,我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊,所以未曾正式認識。96Please respect copyright.PENANAc1M2GxUgRU
96Please respect copyright.PENANAq4vDD5rpRu
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。96Please respect copyright.PENANAfP1na7qfCe
96Please respect copyright.PENANAmDH7Q8PhhR
「我是文班許家偉。」96Please respect copyright.PENANA8aBhKGYhDU
96Please respect copyright.PENANAKmWqpryTTl
「我是理班李浩榮。」96Please respect copyright.PENANA8eCGX7sAe3
其實我早已知道許家偉。96Please respect copyright.PENANAWxrOD9ThJI
96Please respect copyright.PENANAJpGyojp6a0
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。96Please respect copyright.PENANAOnprEdZ4xR
96Please respect copyright.PENANA7cuiVWE7sI
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。96Please respect copyright.PENANArHlVcoRSaq
96Please respect copyright.PENANAJMa3aWfmHu
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別,亦無專長或短處,是個存在感不強的乖學生。96Please respect copyright.PENANAEtSD05osMG
96Please respect copyright.PENANAkO1HHE1LO3
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他?96Please respect copyright.PENANApcunwrSW3U
96Please respect copyright.PENANAHE9b1X9EdG
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝,只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。96Please respect copyright.PENANAYsqbmANLsT
96Please respect copyright.PENANAkUTAokenJa
不服氣。96Please respect copyright.PENANAnm7RyBB3Ra
96Please respect copyright.PENANAzMQpkllQwK
繼續觀察他。96Please respect copyright.PENANAgGcMd1xCsQ
96Please respect copyright.PENANAAps12jX3zd
匆匆數月,秋去冬來,我對許家偉好奇不減。96Please respect copyright.PENANAN4UixlPn6t
96Please respect copyright.PENANAVbSqGbWegr
某天午餐後,我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅,於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端,近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光,動身離開。正感沒趣,阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡,看見許家偉的學生證。96Please respect copyright.PENANAaATwKLNgOc
96Please respect copyright.PENANAcrnMwNP0y3
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證,再將銀包交到校務處。我反對,擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應,僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步,將銀包遞給我。96Please respect copyright.PENANAZzqFPrNkLf
96Please respect copyright.PENANApOHYTKeayZ
我急步追趕許家偉。96Please respect copyright.PENANAyeCD9XKEjx
96Please respect copyright.PENANAprZdQNLoKO
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問,我不是討厭許家偉嗎?人前,我一直表達對許家偉的討厭;人後,我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有,尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。96Please respect copyright.PENANApsYuzV9HL3
96Please respect copyright.PENANAmCCMa6mMUX
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。96Please respect copyright.PENANAHzMBDNHUDe
96Please respect copyright.PENANAemFgTxr2Tq
遠遠看見他的身影,我自然而然打起十二分精神;聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉,我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的;走經中五級壁報板,會不經意試找許家偉的名字……96Please respect copyright.PENANASQCwMnV1Rw
96Please respect copyright.PENANAl965IXTjlp
「你遺下了銀包。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAUohLrHd9Q0
96Please respect copyright.PENANAFMH86Oghzi
「謝謝。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAuWQkrRjFPv
96Please respect copyright.PENANAZrVMRw8nQR
「不用客氣……」96Please respect copyright.PENANArh2L2n5KDc
96Please respect copyright.PENANAwuGtCAQHex
經已物歸原主。他道謝,我虛應,然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。96Please respect copyright.PENANARNGoLbW7uS
96Please respect copyright.PENANA3QlymMHAPT
該要說甚麼?還需要說甚麼?沒有啊!但我們還是原地愣著。96Please respect copyright.PENANACOWHPEJb8r
96Please respect copyright.PENANA6tq8xCP68N
他是否一早知道我?他是否早已察覺我在留意他?不會吧……96Please respect copyright.PENANApfm1DmQFYJ
96Please respect copyright.PENANAGfh6fZTQhP
我望入他雙眼。96Please respect copyright.PENANAUMlv1tnl2g
96Please respect copyright.PENANAqTvVllt6Jn
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑,似乎在期待甚麼……96Please respect copyright.PENANAYSDX1IDV4o
96Please respect copyright.PENANAInWRsYYA2q
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來,低頭轉身離開。96Please respect copyright.PENANAxfIWvx0iPi
96Please respect copyright.PENANAIEwcaFG6VL
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在,問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容,認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的,不會繼續討厭他。96Please respect copyright.PENANAGeUHwAfDRY
96Please respect copyright.PENANAP8QOYny5RZ
上課鈴聲響起,學生魚貫回課室去。人群中,我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了,笑他遲鈍,後知後覺。96Please respect copyright.PENANA2CuIax682S
96Please respect copyright.PENANA2TqAHTEJ6z
許家偉臉紅,禮貌地點點頭,上前自我介紹。96Please respect copyright.PENANAYSAUfWj2O1
96Please respect copyright.PENANAnWgzGH9K9h
「我是文班許家偉。」96Please respect copyright.PENANANEVYBzHQNZ
96Please respect copyright.PENANAYxTL4UrzWn
「我是理班李浩榮。」96Please respect copyright.PENANA5wPT0RxDWZ
畢業多年,我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講,舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料:「你們當年那麼要好,竟然未曾聯絡一次?」96Please respect copyright.PENANA4iEfjdLB4s
96Please respect copyright.PENANAb38RdYbs8Q
我笑笑點頭,不多解釋。96Please respect copyright.PENANAHqMDULBAwL
96Please respect copyright.PENANAIdqiixv2kt
畢業禮當晚,他告訴我,他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰,我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必,因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪:如已釋懷,為何重提。96Please respect copyright.PENANAf6gesNWv0z
96Please respect copyright.PENANA9R0FnfSDdm
李浩榮笑笑,笑說他已覺悟,明白人的真正作用。96Please respect copyright.PENANAV567LGyYfV
96Please respect copyright.PENANA3esyQ4J6yS
聽到這莫名其妙的答案,我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。96Please respect copyright.PENANAzt4jHkx6T6
96Please respect copyright.PENANAzeH8C89CAj
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起,或是把深交的兩個人分開,例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中,而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。96Please respect copyright.PENANANUdBMTT7TA
96Please respect copyright.PENANAyglZcn6KyK
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過,有點無奈,有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後,我和李浩榮再無交集。96Please respect copyright.PENANAim3ER1W50W
96Please respect copyright.PENANA7Zk9UwDRDL
但我沒有阻止他。96Please respect copyright.PENANAsYv6d01fJm
96Please respect copyright.PENANA5nFC57SmOD
他壓抑已久,情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。96Please respect copyright.PENANA99H0MaEcRN
96Please respect copyright.PENANAYynOC7CeFE
我慫恿他繼續說下去。96Please respect copyright.PENANA6ffj4xQsiD
96Please respect copyright.PENANAhCW4j9WjfN
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子,經常氣得老師向父母投訴,父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀,起初會擔心對方身體,後來發現彼此不怕捱打,只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑,再玩再捱打……玩著捱著,二人同甘共苦十四年,彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我,反倒羨慕我的不起眼。96Please respect copyright.PENANA6No1H99vRY
96Please respect copyright.PENANA4snkcgnL5p
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。96Please respect copyright.PENANADLs25Toc6m
96Please respect copyright.PENANAOm16zdhnMP
「不被注意、不被期望,方能活得自由稱心。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAXjDU04qAus
96Please respect copyright.PENANA5ImhnE1qMp
我問他是否有煩惱,可以向我傾訴,也許我能想出好辦法。96Please respect copyright.PENANAu8vxFLOVJ5
96Please respect copyright.PENANAaO32HjDbfq
李浩榮報以苦笑,沒有正面回答。96Please respect copyright.PENANA1RDkvjmN0S
96Please respect copyright.PENANAo7gLpAm5oH
那夜,他喝得爛醉,我送他回家。96Please respect copyright.PENANAcewjtRoZnp
96Please respect copyright.PENANA8asv2mPQ3X
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦,語調急促,不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮,留下一句道謝,利落關門。96Please respect copyright.PENANAYMSjPJL5XQ
96Please respect copyright.PENANAbxN8XrMAvg
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。96Please respect copyright.PENANAH9Xujrzi3Q
96Please respect copyright.PENANAkagGD72ZPa
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害,亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。96Please respect copyright.PENANA3XFiNxQqzO
96Please respect copyright.PENANAmndwsio7qV
但我掛念他。96Please respect copyright.PENANAQMRudgc5Im
96Please respect copyright.PENANAe0A89bwZQb
不是偶然想起,不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助,不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯,是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。96Please respect copyright.PENANA5Gu6fT0nnJ
96Please respect copyright.PENANAXPd3Ifv2tN
想起他,我不期然會笑;想起他,我感覺窩心;想起他,我會自覺孤單可憐。96Please respect copyright.PENANAjbn8LqOcBK
96Please respect copyright.PENANAkNoTz9Esh5
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。96Please respect copyright.PENANAbE16cioP9n
96Please respect copyright.PENANAy3QEWQctAa
糟糕了!怎麼辦?怎麼辦!不知道。96Please respect copyright.PENANAkXpWQYGOq6
96Please respect copyright.PENANAZVEeNZ45hB
不要說。不要聽。不要見。96Please respect copyright.PENANAZmqhIa7a2J
96Please respect copyright.PENANAGYF4iH4aI9
希望時間會沖淡一切。96Please respect copyright.PENANA9rCZgTm0Vn
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。96Please respect copyright.PENANAzQbHE1tWPy
96Please respect copyright.PENANA9KjbSCGH4n
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應,煞是暈眩,有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。96Please respect copyright.PENANAYZbHccGHtv
96Please respect copyright.PENANALFnS3JEAqZ
阿媽沒有理會我,背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說:「昨晚是他送你回來。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAtc682f7N5G
96Please respect copyright.PENANA4pBx3w99RH
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛,重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算,反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。96Please respect copyright.PENANAZeKuIdJD4l
96Please respect copyright.PENANAlo2g86VTML
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAmFt9IRxKcH
96Please respect copyright.PENANAltuRZwfIqo
「我也不明白。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAuGyPAWcBat
96Please respect copyright.PENANADVMGnW8QBS
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」96Please respect copyright.PENANA0alLOvvE1q
96Please respect copyright.PENANANdaPyMbjD3
「感覺,並非可以自由控制的。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAQa7f3BKhbj
96Please respect copyright.PENANAONeVzyZwBY
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAaAA4kLJAwd
96Please respect copyright.PENANA0WwqWs9i3V
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAIlypNvxQRT
96Please respect copyright.PENANAISxmUDsGxM
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAI2CctNd9QG
96Please respect copyright.PENANAUEmszK2jvY
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」96Please respect copyright.PENANArpAoviG6Cy
96Please respect copyright.PENANA7J46wNDB8E
我晦氣,毫不掩飾對她的討厭。96Please respect copyright.PENANAN4y3E9IOPA
96Please respect copyright.PENANAWkJBK40E6L
阿媽沒再多話,繼續在廚房忙著。96Please respect copyright.PENANAYNdGbX2hvh
96Please respect copyright.PENANAIWe91SJK4N
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我,為何旁人總愛插手?96Please respect copyright.PENANAzMEeo8Lrtj
96Please respect copyright.PENANAygAzuPwEdp
抵著頭痛,我硬撐起身子小便去。96Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6en0VtkBJ
96Please respect copyright.PENANASJWEq2UZSJ
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下,小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少,昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。96Please respect copyright.PENANAzjyM9ta458
96Please respect copyright.PENANAfO3bnYz2jd
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。96Please respect copyright.PENANAAA8BE2fnlm
96Please respect copyright.PENANAVMnVLL3hWf
真的嗎?我真的把話說出口?96Please respect copyright.PENANAjfzyAdrI1W
96Please respect copyright.PENANAC8ye3eMHEG
為何這麼驚訝?阿強醉倒後,我特意喝下更多酒,不就是為了把話講出口嗎?96Please respect copyright.PENANA8c70QfbZWM
96Please respect copyright.PENANAAJdMgQkqQj
便意盡,醉意消,騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。96Please respect copyright.PENANAfUcthi3hDJ
96Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2xpVitUng
為何要走到這一步?96Please respect copyright.PENANAUqZSOoMG9p
96Please respect copyright.PENANA6krOwSSh2n
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情,擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我,乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態,冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。96Please respect copyright.PENANAsLPcHLISh1
96Please respect copyright.PENANAv0KYzHwAiA
「世人表裡不一。口說開明,實質守舊。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAK29VnCg4KG
96Please respect copyright.PENANAe0gRd7k3as
「是嗎?你呢?你口說放棄,心底裡在支持我吧?」96Please respect copyright.PENANAhn4PIcUA8z
96Please respect copyright.PENANA1rzcIxMgZo
「別倔強。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAAoRoT558kT
96Please respect copyright.PENANA7kyb7cQAHQ
「我想要知道你的真正想法!別敷衍!別蒙混!」96Please respect copyright.PENANApD8Bdi5CBe
96Please respect copyright.PENANAqTf5elwwjw
「我想你放棄。」96Please respect copyright.PENANA9wZnd0MF5k
96Please respect copyright.PENANAhNGnNsVmMh
「原因?」96Please respect copyright.PENANAb3GnrTIUr0
96Please respect copyright.PENANAFsLBCNypuu
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」96Please respect copyright.PENANA1TQ1tvmOKQ
96Please respect copyright.PENANASStG9O3tQ2
「我知道。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAgtn92EL2EL
96Please respect copyright.PENANA0XqERDDBmG
「何解還要繼續下去?」96Please respect copyright.PENANAtqLH5jL6fx
96Please respect copyright.PENANAS1Doa9n4zV
「感情易放難收。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAfHOc7fMu28
96Please respect copyright.PENANATybltzH9Ti
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智,她還有何話可說,只得被動地待我回心轉意。96Please respect copyright.PENANAY0TlY5vjdW
96Please respect copyright.PENANAW4FSAMU1BD
傍晚,我約見阿強,在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀,有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣,我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此!我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足!96Please respect copyright.PENANA8cNFm9zd25
96Please respect copyright.PENANAIDXJsqpDqj
架後,我沒有留下片言隻字,待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去,懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。96Please respect copyright.PENANANWRPv0estG
96Please respect copyright.PENANAUdpNjibjkU
阿媽見我身上有傷,許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事,沒有多問,亦不予關心。96Please respect copyright.PENANAev14eUDmZn
96Please respect copyright.PENANA7QJs9pL3MW
我不在意,一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……96Please respect copyright.PENANAfglHXN5Fma
96Please respect copyright.PENANAqnrlEoHQS0
畢業禮,是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊,戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜,能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉,齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。96Please respect copyright.PENANA4GuJa5EuiU
96Please respect copyright.PENANANKQacLTMd3
阿強取來一支烈酒,邀我對飲:「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAUG9oamMiGX
96Please respect copyright.PENANAIwwYspKC87
我欣然接受。他很了解我,許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈,自小經常一起偷偷喝酒,十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下,沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。96Please respect copyright.PENANAJ5L5SxkxJB
96Please respect copyright.PENANAtipeWLAaww
小醉。半醉。大醉。96Please respect copyright.PENANAN1iaaHptif
96Please respect copyright.PENANAgW3oHDBUDz
阿強半伏枱邊,傻笑問我:「想好如何表白了沒?」96Please respect copyright.PENANAILETfsfslA
96Please respect copyright.PENANAAvsSwA5Shk
「直接講我愛他。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAAhn2UAz6aO
96Please respect copyright.PENANAHrWtbpeiwQ
「如果他拒絕?」96Please respect copyright.PENANAovOIDJnmlM
96Please respect copyright.PENANAat4zKUaTS6
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAbKK49rjSAE
96Please respect copyright.PENANACHIqxSakLN
「如果他接受了?那怎麼辦?」96Please respect copyright.PENANABmQGTC0hRW
96Please respect copyright.PENANACOHYLIJmA1
「我當然是高興!」96Please respect copyright.PENANAVl4GAKlbEY
96Please respect copyright.PENANAhAogFqNzBm
「我在問,他會怎麼辦?你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切?」96Please respect copyright.PENANANbi5ui5Ivc
96Please respect copyright.PENANAqlBUfzU9xw
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。96Please respect copyright.PENANAKsixCKN8ni
事隔四十年,我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。96Please respect copyright.PENANAiIiC2YYwkL
96Please respect copyright.PENANAG2h9GJ6Fgu
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻,但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。96Please respect copyright.PENANAUgnNAcLhi8
96Please respect copyright.PENANAn2LCWMKNYK
李浩榮苦笑,笑容意味深長。96Please respect copyright.PENANAcuPsDCcMdW
96Please respect copyright.PENANAkznYKMxyFT
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAjXDMIi8C2m
96Please respect copyright.PENANADg5aSkahUH
「活了那麼多年,經歷那麼多事情,我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAGpLRbbzEqC
96Please respect copyright.PENANAsZwTJLKgQ5
「你仍然單身?」96Please respect copyright.PENANAmL9eSyJvpT
96Please respect copyright.PENANAbtG2ES3wZU
「是的。」96Please respect copyright.PENANARmakzsC0Ww
96Please respect copyright.PENANAaohnpQSHD0
「要我當媒嗎?」96Please respect copyright.PENANAoYNhuanekB
96Please respect copyright.PENANA1gdhe7HHUz
「不了。難為情。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAfioIDUMU4i
96Please respect copyright.PENANACFytmJ59r6
李浩榮失笑,笑我不值得被愛。96Please respect copyright.PENANA7oL6sOjVo6
96Please respect copyright.PENANAGgNiq8Hg15
我陪笑,笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。96Please respect copyright.PENANAMkcO38AsaJ
96Please respect copyright.PENANACXcFmb2Pr3
多寒暄幾句,我和李浩榮相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。96Please respect copyright.PENANA1GrDIvDwe5
96Please respect copyright.PENANAzt58vBMpyI
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。96Please respect copyright.PENANA57lpAyViaa
96Please respect copyright.PENANAVgNHNsTfbA
回家吧。96Please respect copyright.PENANA3TSuZCS0ee
96Please respect copyright.PENANAqiKbWdPqv5
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。96Please respect copyright.PENANAwFwCAVR36U
96Please respect copyright.PENANAIc5bEVldjE
「戚戚慘慘悽悽,清清冷冷,覓覓尋尋。」興之所至,我一邊脫鞋,一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。96Please respect copyright.PENANAdnOBbZRR17
96Please respect copyright.PENANAkRK33Chfwv
「尋他千百度,驀然回首,那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪,懶洋洋得撲到梳化上,順口接上《青玉案.元夕》末句。96Please respect copyright.PENANAEooacAtuZ0
96Please respect copyright.PENANAH4sNeQa8Yt
枕臂望窗,映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗,憶起他的臉容氣質,憶起那抹笑容。96Please respect copyright.PENANApX17U3fmwz
96Please respect copyright.PENANACexnt4YzGY
大概是一見鍾情吧。96Please respect copyright.PENANAUnRM50cTLk
96Please respect copyright.PENANAENKavXYn3T
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂,後知後覺。96Please respect copyright.PENANAvFdlLqwGQb
96Please respect copyright.PENANAOK9JFwzU6B
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向,結果會否不一樣?96Please respect copyright.PENANAIN1zI8Ycvi
96Please respect copyright.PENANAZXSPCn0jpd
我笑自己想多了:結果會是一樣的。96Please respect copyright.PENANAP3JKSCFqAV
96Please respect copyright.PENANA9dDdgC6gCX
我是懦弱的人,我珍愛自己,所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情,亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。96Please respect copyright.PENANAfvypjdi26f
96Please respect copyright.PENANAbzY56JUD98
李浩榮說得沒錯,我不值得被愛。96Please respect copyright.PENANAufmP9Gld8B
事隔四十年,昔日摯友躺在棺材裡,往日心上人站在我面前。96Please respect copyright.PENANAjQWE7XfLqS
96Please respect copyright.PENANAc3GAvQSAdi
百感交集……96Please respect copyright.PENANA1H5teEbtHW
96Please respect copyright.PENANAw6g1cMmfKC
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻,事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人,情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候,還以為痛楚會一直維持下去,有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。96Please respect copyright.PENANA97oQoftiDv
96Please respect copyright.PENANACXFfHvDXGP
不過電影終究與現實不同:角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡,情感故此顯得激烈而深刻;現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素,例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。96Please respect copyright.PENANABu6koBthZ3
96Please respect copyright.PENANAv1xQPmLlyp
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力,直至今日再聚……96Please respect copyright.PENANAKNDPAk5lf6
96Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0nu5afEiU
「認得我嗎?我是許家偉。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAUeSBa1zx6B
96Please respect copyright.PENANAn6qrumuWU8
「認得。你是文班的。」96Please respect copyright.PENANA2cfptMp3td
96Please respect copyright.PENANAZVWpboJUGo
許家偉淺笑,笑容如昔,淡然清雅溫婉。96Please respect copyright.PENANAPFiEx6WbF8
96Please respect copyright.PENANANcBZq6HRdg
閒聊之間,發現他仍然單身。究其原因,他只道難為情。96Please respect copyright.PENANAm4iqoo0DOy
96Please respect copyright.PENANAA88q2F7lx6
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。96Please respect copyright.PENANAYwVDT3D85P
96Please respect copyright.PENANAOtyKuVyrzu
四十年過去,許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。96Please respect copyright.PENANAC265NlQ4m6
96Please respect copyright.PENANAcPuClaCMzk
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。96Please respect copyright.PENANAXyQeNQsec5
96Please respect copyright.PENANAA5oXAyrvSc
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。96Please respect copyright.PENANAgJLUmThvuw
96Please respect copyright.PENANAANmZii2KMi
許家偉在認真?他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑?96Please respect copyright.PENANAVxpw4NvP2q
96Please respect copyright.PENANASpEILyflfX
我哭笑不得。96Please respect copyright.PENANAkpltcqPfdG
96Please respect copyright.PENANA9nn5Z30Vxm
無意跟他繼續對話。96Please respect copyright.PENANAC8cF70lyCm
96Please respect copyright.PENANAxVRbuNLtby
多寒暄幾句,我和許家偉相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。96Please respect copyright.PENANATaQRWHOG9S
96Please respect copyright.PENANAhBN3eOxxTU
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。96Please respect copyright.PENANAlczduWPLNA