午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEuV014kgA
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkY9HovYJqv
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbOviw5REz
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5MEJ83xbw
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEs2A8vXcHI
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Kb6W6qE2W
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8VIiMG4P8
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlw1SfcLuSx
為何記住？我解釋不了。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLC6MZh6B9E
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfj5n0MEuE1
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZY1hfSQzK
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFkqvRyqgg
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTNm0zCY8X
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvc5LfXLdse
其中一個是他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW21Hf2msD7
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNqpes5mpN
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06QZB5eJX1
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepHCStnbji
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXEJCUdLVD
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdY2ti0PQr
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UOwker602
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXx7nS5xjz
「你遺下銀包。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVynDP9hdTM
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz928fSQLuE
「謝謝。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WzyIiCCQu
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZZ5EVgQPB
「不用客氣……」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKq6A7bcUy
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXGdBDXlxE
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiAiMakwmj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ29LOkNBP
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIVlMtilZX
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwKQe5tW4P
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hIBV0QJjm
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDXQJSaMjs
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAk04qG47J
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjc2Ztq3jLM
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxtOSKO5D3
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtvpQOqZfZ
「我是文班許家偉。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeylYvAmVK7
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EI3Mai7N5
「我是理班李浩榮。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoith33G02j
其實我早已知道許家偉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡON6TX1geux
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9k3Y5uVBWp
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCEX73nJqE
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uHc6C6Lva
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSLCSEZFAy
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIExKwCPpe8
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2UJ7462lz
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3WOcu2QhQ
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZwJfDlft7
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4va1KnHtjg
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJVSGwrdbU
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzDdsVXSqO
不服氣。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpobbuSxMq
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kf49zfDCo
繼續觀察他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Jkg8i1Gjd
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBebiaJcYI
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBZD4WkYiW
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1Ek6SHbJ9
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4wel3EaMH
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGpWZdRLKm
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgjDNvzyvf
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pqUVbRILX
我急步追趕許家偉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqbM2xEROa
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0SIJZ2wTd
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUj08YBHmOK
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy42Y5dK3i1
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYFL8syJ4S
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEOR6AKEY6
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSz3I1Hlcj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdn9re3CFy
「你遺下了銀包。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAIWjcA3KC
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacPw4eVDDU
「謝謝。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLklZrPgrh
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgr96uRINl
「不用客氣……」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLm7mGZcXUx
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZFINxA5gl
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRtw8dNYvL
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaPLFJhqwr
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbTW5JcivD
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsMSS9uXpW
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDlOrS2igj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb40sKUKwkN
我望入他雙眼。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPImwJSrE7A
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo02P5YtpaQ
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgfL1BwPGJ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbttgqxc2D
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOSWP1CPcP
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MWnhlrp0S
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxTxwN0fke
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKAxkXnGlJ
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5QraRADFz
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk4ltTdMsK
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiCiKsreDV
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElzIyw0NPv
「我是文班許家偉。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcGAE3e0GK
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EcbJETjMn
「我是理班李浩榮。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMMISyWqp2
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5cyG5m3Vj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nfPpsR7AP
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBq4fXBWqFt
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFI6K8qiwuk
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJRCOFwjHr
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijTYyOvkg7
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFeYnL63le
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tAEe4qA4p
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6n2JOO2SQN
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlSagNMe1I
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RBfw5tMXm
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJuhpkkXxX
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WopYTekZp
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tW9Pp39Hd
但我沒有阻止他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhHzKfPA6l
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGF4pDgEUqz
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZHzsjqiCw
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjeR2VD4dk
我慫恿他繼續說下去。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvYyiZPubH
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGazNyvsmnW
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26UAttVtUR
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttEqAdbTHW
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xmeZliEmG
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKMJT2okon
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8V9A2Qekd7
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡab4fAnmJVG
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSZx3xBANf
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0PACQqYkB
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWKb68DpNs
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4J5fxeoGBM
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtshsrSXbi
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbEUIqtsLV
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYk9ryWnEDT
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLvDgFaPQx
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvS61Ot2Yh
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJAfKkTxSR
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLwiVnzBze
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVfw8vbI8y
但我掛念他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QJhaMCEwu
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPfydpYELw
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmqwiu2B4c
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZImNmYbuGe
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaRavkd45y
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTPqG7U88x
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTNaJ1tckW
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtGVrkM3Xg
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4QtjqqGnl
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuWuoLjzzP
不要說。不要聽。不要見。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAL73mIMa6b
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyduUsoAoS
希望時間會沖淡一切。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQgRUKKysW
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2MT79D1Ra
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXjT59hOi3
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJm5w6PW0vY
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWc5RnDEqV
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2i6RkuvwU
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsCNe8Mdwe
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbHuERQeXH
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSrZG28egE
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNirTBl1oDe
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHelxTCCqu
「我也不明白。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7lza90QTf
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCu4rHf8n8v
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAydOu3rh3W
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQysVaDvKas
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrrOF0JWS8
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzVfdQBMz0
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZP36XvW1c
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxvyKwzGDl
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkantY5Wie
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEunV3UnqF0
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZe5NWDWpyn
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZeOPOOoAA
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwj0rjRhdVR
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxQNTKJiDo
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2MLzP4Rjj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObckBwsaN2
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMswx3fZaPS
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsSmr2U9pg
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiBhE0IQXO
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkBCNMXIxC
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvV4EA0GNMB
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Pg1RYQpoc
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolFV8RUymb
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFea7dzuYv
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TEFIpImBV
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxbNQB0tkT
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3Ea5Rjq0a
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddYbJTWzyW
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRKjNwcZUd
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7780YVSx8L
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmYgLGydlP
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0cV7KM1DA
為何要走到這一步？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FUXvwXfoy
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzUxeRFI34
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwgjuzyzBe
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3SYhbJvvm
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuDb1D8i9T
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYaaARx5yE
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JGznAkNYH
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJj1eYg03Xy
「別倔強。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡem1d3kZMnj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9sL5L9Zai
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8I2FBbY4c
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iPmGdkSYP
「我想你放棄。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAokDC2xTt
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPgJMLVkJz
「原因？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbilzE6iKOj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBYHw2EZQt
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemwYJtxpPz
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHpemxlHPg
「我知道。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmunWx8o7I
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVL82uyFVIe
「何解還要繼續下去？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pGZUmlbaQ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYLtmU8BOv
「感情易放難收。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeger47xl5
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BHVb3bZOJ
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtURH4RqSae
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMFUMzbH2P
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnV5cMB9rC
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzAbLNDzzw
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWazPLExs47
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWNxQU3j2K
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYx0bvzjtWP
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqstulpkt9M
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5dh75ShMJ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoobEaT3m9
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eh5MQAHM0
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArLhpLZXSB
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBWsxo0t8t
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldypBrzxL7
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOJCBd2q1E
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUrw10mvgK
小醉。半醉。大醉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VseaxvIb6
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNWis8sPci
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRuDcXbHUL
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSsaQXjdjQ
「直接講我愛他。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpw9wRpqwYy
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ljHolYUBP
「如果他拒絕？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhDMzvjsKR
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSvkzfosb7
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJgJMBgnR7
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PiYZjPBQ3
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPybxPavZd4
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5AxISEolt
「我當然是高興！」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIlmGx48T4
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsb7L3WX5f5
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrl5AXyBSGl
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrp5GsTbAd
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWxYy3cObs
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBivMGdPZtg
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOczYppfzF
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBzrvU9pLx
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4c7Cgrp8w
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDtd1vZA09
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszyvHT8jkk
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JlGP4S3B7
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICaOkgcAbO
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTmVQWDG7P
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDhxr2f85H
「你仍然單身？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTHSou2ndq
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHx7vwscfD
「是的。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSxH5MZyWP
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJCWuLbO6i
「要我當媒嗎？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVc28QtzbE
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhBHLUo603
「不了。難為情。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVCF5OAgWZ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybHaOdN18C
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalwNQtfJbw
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jw4MtOSYP
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTh4PiRtrce
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDoxANdf4I
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOQ6QbgY7W
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqf5NhKifQa
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSf0peXqFxJ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyR8LN93Mrb
回家吧。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIMUvQDItu
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBlUrWpFVi
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxx5UNsB72z
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVclUlpzpBI
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWKZUVGnca
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsiMe8RzyU
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBtSTIaAOS
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwp1QNW7R1
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYsn83Jq50
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxASRYb5Eh7
大概是一見鍾情吧。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPl9Kctp3n
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsFLZO5XLd
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQhmk3uzq6
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlILB9ac6M
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjERVazcvpk
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6Xt9PiI0O
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMgz2Y0UTY
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69czG5niRX
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5of1Ron2g
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKc0uYROAp
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssW5fenlbt
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtD2nvFcFcm
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvulqbuVEyG
百感交集……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8WdTf116c
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwcwkJH4ia
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aImNOAUfY
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxwCl6sSQF
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jMwlCs5Ua
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0X3BV8iGI
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmbmaPZChY
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58E2m3tRTQ
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKgdPcFTqg
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpQLnHUug3
「認得。你是文班的。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNHEC1KHJs
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbmj2jyLnb
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAbjotQLYC
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7T0g3SoVu
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqa6N8SCZs1
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KjxEM0vSk
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBawYbKeBI3
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5ZV75JXfM
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMeOZGRDSs
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrBsijIIuy
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXVPxqFU3G
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhc4YU9t2oS
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNybHjYMNNX
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAP1LXkyPji
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6xp6iqhC5
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8w2i2OFRr
我哭笑不得。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLh54CwbBZh
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrEgMPwj2d
無意跟他繼續對話。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndxyaplxGs
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ruwWgXwBG
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDzHXkLjou
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MgKgXAmcI
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BKn0mpfjR
