「你還可以嗎？」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLg3AYZUFUg
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKK1KHe2CcX
「無法不可以。」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWc9qwjWxh8
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEzeC2V4Gy
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62gAzX25GN
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQgNnvZkuQ
「謝謝你。」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgBR9bVBvV
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3CZDKwjqS
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHd24pfcvUK
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrYLX2ynz6
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgAkC1byZw
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYKX8nJaWb
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zfvBUCDWd
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBp2BMHkO43
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfQp2EyZOy
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj54SeBBXcg
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fikEDZLqA
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9VcffZWsJ
「老婆……」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gP5sJ0b0P
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFstuSoz5zT
「有困難？金錢？」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3InpKb6XIh
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUtFBgQXA6
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIiB7xn605
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEszJHV0Qr
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2fdB9OZeE
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66LnNj1Jh6
「嗯。」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeykclXx9D
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkkrBEJABV
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTxOpnKwV5
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YMmpL7Lg4
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXMsF073Zy
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8id8qAjVAj
無能。無力。無奈。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6n8tWat2c
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZ7dQtbZHq
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3M1U6QBReI
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMHn1XOIWf
剪不斷，理還亂。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8RNbDMnJE
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZJZauUV25
勿剪，別理。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09wYEFFhkO
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vnG3taKjP
待時日將其化解。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8nbHxRi45
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69U9xNKyKx
莫操心。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfp2vQeiEr
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlc8R39qqBy
莫操心？702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhH6cqCnfj
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhR5gNkXci
如何莫操心？702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJE7ETuzJ3
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8K3AxiGUyk
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYgA8eMV3g
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOO8wiSlsc
撐多久？如何撐？702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteoNWRHp6S
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0CXZw9kVK
不知道……702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8eSsjbwVP
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCQfLDolXj
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCiWFrwUPS
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzkaIKmOwD
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxJVBXBanj
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gHgTjQVZO
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEi7bIM3qe
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj61GULBPdO
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIg40KUCPG
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNWuTPEGIb
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuz2VdH8Er7
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKxr3yaFfD
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8cVKhb6xX
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPHDaxNpD6
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BWkWxl3DU
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggfDYqKvkH
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8zFPwg2ZY
我笑。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfJXkEIecL
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMK8lEk9db
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLmEMy040i
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusiNvOatas
忽爾不想回家。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBGrK5tXWB
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21SanjrpTs
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQH5k6TjQn
「好的。」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLRb2tWiVL
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7GkccpFnC
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0vrvfbe0b
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jg12CL8OA
只會苦了自己。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63wmcFPujw
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1osI85ZYtc
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjwxToAp84
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfYq4QZFP9
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLfOcoE3k2
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusOyYOU4ft
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPadro11cS
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0O3keEe3j
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkARfe7GBP
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbUESoqBOw
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkDcmEusyr
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpMxvnqopH
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLgYvNNgt0
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSYnyq08q0
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKuC2Es2pM
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcjziCMQdx
一、二、三、四、五……702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRuKOOTKJj
註：702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ho8nnbZEK
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4J84JSpFH
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5bjlQp31V
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeD2v9IWKkS
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchu16YfvyU
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld2NdR78Sn
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWK1dFwqmYQ
702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLbL81bhVR
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》702Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wlOmTNOqD
