「你還可以嗎？」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGlRQDyp3d
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEmfDOoorr
「無法不可以。」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSo5sqQ95Rb
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdzyu5iXHS
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhQFjtKmYL
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1x6ejbeex
「謝謝你。」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLII6aLlFF
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwkFb4MJh3
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk78AoM3cbj
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lAIN0Qv03
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLEUPsNK9C
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LP1NLgHV5
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53sBtC2uZk
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4Gm7HbyDd
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR72W3UM4AH
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWD9FyAmBe
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9TbnfHdfX
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEqb3m3XCX
「老婆……」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ2maVBDXR
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL3rUgwwPr
「有困難？金錢？」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBOEw0m7s0
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbGcXyL1T6
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gfdAaQpAf
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqO8mefP2BE
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3oPUQ9JH4
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqw4mqAt2V
「嗯。」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFDhMq3nm5
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdx2hvbBh8
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVtWR0NWiI
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9661THTDz
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQExu7ZzEG
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5pjO88A3m
無能。無力。無奈。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG6INYOmIt
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctj0e6O6os
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezPb2VNu1I
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYOZjnXhBH
剪不斷，理還亂。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJM2uUXCQ3r
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjqO1GxNwn
勿剪，別理。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ay2baFltX
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJs8dY4Gjo
待時日將其化解。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyp3DIdM9nP
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNziepGAzEw
莫操心。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Jdu1TTJER
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZLidsVHkN
莫操心？714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdvkx8MowA
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbP9EHvzkK
如何莫操心？714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgETt0Schhf
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnTtLQjy2O
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8UTWOoaKX
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6wqCE41u1
撐多久？如何撐？714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbeZKQGJG0
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExU7IFecxf
不知道……714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89ZJ78byx1
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvWFPG820m
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhG25xCUe8
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vC6PUqB3V
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc10goiGqkh
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEa9ub31Prd
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZgUsxFgMf
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BVqAhMPGx
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTyqQ0CE5f
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeE72auzN8
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjka5eVObr
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DL9GeC54o
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQcSWdo6y9
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb46Mr5vKAV
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLPWoOxcqv
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnF3andqZE
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAttMteYxUj
我笑。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3rkE0JRSQ
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6KWvHGYRA
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWI6fHtRcj
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg69TeCT39H
忽爾不想回家。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccL4gGmHEY
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWJtj9jmrS
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wdf3Almpc
「好的。」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGWUpuaVZj
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XZDEIX3Jk
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7RAxzLWI3
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHGpg8iy2R
只會苦了自己。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoQsa6PGBC
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncmUldmupN
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDyEuuMMDJ
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfB0i2HwKXm
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6DF6m0U2f
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzxw27v7Yy
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTDYly8H4u
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9Ih7kYOmy
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPGyouxMPM
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3ZbGXoE3M
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyrWy26kzO
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9BCMo6Gvm
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMUlXS8Nyc
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7zceE4T2C
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJVS7g4RMK
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvIKfZ5Q4A
一、二、三、四、五……714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimI5LmtIa5
註：714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdI6VsYb9PT
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1p1JEvYsa6
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGxagDy6vL
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41Q3GEYZwl
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uJLvd38es
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKxjm8CQh7
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxBUaDOkPN
714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85xYSp78IE
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfR7OwrWIya
