Third semester of Form 3
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After vacation, she treated me as before.
However, after god-knows how long, she .... changed.
She became cold to me and I had no idea why. She was neither approaching me nor being as enthusiastic as before.
"Are you in a bad mood?" I took the initiative to ask her via WeChat
"Yes, I've been in a bad mood lately, so leave me alone." she replied.
I respected her wish. One day, the teacher urged her to turn in her homework and stuff in the morning.
After that, I approached the teacher, who was my homeroom teacher and taught Tung’s class as well, privately.
"Hey teach, she hasn’t been in a good mood lately, I'm afraid she's under too much pressure. Why don't you let me handle her?" I proposed.
"She has been very forgetful and disorganized, so thank you for offering." the teacher replied politely.
But I didn't discuss with Tung regarding her homework or any academic stuff after. I was telling a good-faith lie back then to make Tung less stressed, this might be harmful to her, but it somehow made her more comfortable.
After some time, she became more aloof. She did not tell me the reason for being in a bad mood, I was both a bit worried and a bit angry at the time. Just tell me if there’s a problem, don’t just turn a cold shoulder on me! I sometimes texted her, but there was never a response, the messages were all left with a read receipt with no reply.
She was also avoiding me whenever she saw me at school. Did I do something wrong?
I once tested to see if she was avoiding me on purpose...
One day in the Coffee Club’s room,
I hid behind the sofa and crouched down. Every time I was there, she would left if she saw me after opening the door. This time I pretended to be absent to see if she was really deliberately avoiding me...
I squatted behind the sofa...
Someone opened the door...
The sound of footsteps was coming closer and closer...
I immediately stood up...
It was Tung, she turned around and walked away as she saw me...
"Why are you doing this?" I couldn't help but ask.
"No reason,” she replied as she left!
I was furious. Why on earth are you doing this to me?
The week before Easter break, my friends from church invited me to go bowling. I dined out before the game. Fed up with Tung’s altitude, I made a bold decision to figure stuff out through people around her.
I contacted one of her online friends called J (alias), whom I had met before. Let’s see if I can learn something useful.
I ate with my eyes on my phone.
"Do you know Tung very well?" I asked J.
"Well, yeah, we are besties," she answered.
"She seems to be in a bad mood lately, is she okay?" I asked her.
"About that, she said she was feeling that the world was dark grey, etc.," she replied.
"Do you know what happened?" I asked.
"It's not nice to tell people secrets," she texted.
At that moment, I decided to spill what I feel from the bottom of my heart.
"Does she consider me a friend or not? She never replies to my messages, it’s really rude," I bad-mouthed her because I was in a grumpy mood myself too back then.
"I’m going back to church, it’s almost time. I’ll stop for now," I messaged.
"Frankly, I don’t like you either. Not only are you a Christian, your personality sucks!" she texted back.
What's wrong with being a Christian? What's wrong with that? What's wrong with my personality? What the fxxk is going on? I did so much for her, but not only did she repay me like that, are forgettable, she did not actually give a shit about me.
I was depressed, not only did I get bad news, but I was also scolded like that.
"I don’t think she likes you,” texted J.
"I guess friendship really can’t last forever." I was not even a friend to her, I was nothing.
Alas, I went bowling with a ruined mood. By then, I already realized...
I was... lovelorn. Damned before given a chance, and couldn’t even stay as a friend.
Logically, shouldn't Tung's friends be happy to see how much I cared about her? Instead, I was scolded and insulted for a few words. I started to believe that Tung might be upset because of me. But I would rather that be the case, at least then I would have such a place in her heart... being someone she could be upset about for so long.
Unable to focus on the game due to the ruined mood, my bowling balls kept rolling into the side pits.
I did not go home with my friends, I chose to leave by myself.
The lovelorn songs playing on my phone were in sync with my feelings.The blue sky and white clouds painted a joyful day, contradictory to my mood.
That shopping trip from before was the happiest one I've ever had, and also the... the last time I had the most fun.
During the Easter holidays, my family and I went back to our hometown for four days.
I still couldn't recover from before. My heart was still torn when I got there.
I intended to drink a lot when I arrived at my grandma and grandpa’s house, drinking away my sorrows. Yet, they only allowed one fxxking glass of beer, which was pretty much nothing.
I swiftly finished the glass before I even finished my meal, but my family wouldn't let me keep drinking. How could this help with so little? I didn’t tell them about Tung. I didn’t know what to tell them, they probably hadn’t experienced being lovelorn.
I finished a glass and said, “ I can chug beer like tea."
Back then, I met another online friend named Siufan. She had been chatting with me at night, comforting me. That’s how I made it through.
At night, my overly enthusiastic and annoying cousins would often come to my room to jump around and scream.
I couldn't sleep at night and there was no air conditioning, only a fan, while it was scorching in mid-April. Worst of all, I couldn't get in a room for myself. My dad was sleeping next to me and he was snoring like a banshee. How could I fxxking sleep!!
Shit it's really killing me!!!
That night, I had a nightmare in which Tung had dropped out of school. I really couldn't survive without her, I still couldn't let her go.
The next day I went up the mountain, hiked around and so on, and my shoes were utterly muddy and dirty.
The third day was a Saturday, we went to town. My grandma and grandpa lived in a village in a county out-town, it took us an hour to reach town by car.
We had a lavish meal after arriving. We had a large pot of pork belly and chicken soup, as well as different local dishes, etc.. That day, I felt slightly better.
The fourth day was the last night to stay here as we would leave on the fifth. That day, we had nothing to do in particular. I was with a boy named Deng, whom I met a long, long time ago. Although he was a year younger than me,he was taller, giving me a false impression that he was a senior from school..
He was a member of the school's basketball team and I played with him for a while. It had been too long since I last played basketball, so I had a tough time playing against people in the village and kept missing my shots. It had been years since I last touched a basketball. I hadn’t played since I first went to secondary school. I used to hang out and play basketball with my friends back in primary school. I didn’t have many friends after starting secondary school. I was only familiar with Yang but I didn’t play basketball with him.
On the day I left, I was particularly excited as I knew I could finally get a good sleep with air conditioning that night.
After returning to school, an indescribable sorrow emerged whenever I saw Tung, I would sometimes be at the verge of tears. Back then, I was skeptical that I was actually suffering from depression as I would occasionally suddenly have a strong urge to burst into tears and was unmotivated. I was starting to be dispirited and I was out of practice of various skills. It had also been quite a while since I last exercised, and I was in the worst condition possible when I attempted exercising again.
Then, one day during the summer break, Tung’s brother suddenly secretly texted a friend of mine,
"Watch out for your friend, he used to harass my sister."
When my friend told me about that, I had an emotional breakdown.
What " harassment”?What do you mean by" harassment”! If caring about someone’s well-being is classified as" harassment”, comforting a sick person would also count" harassment”!
That was the first time I had shed tears for her, I shed my male tears.
I sat alone on my bed with tears streaming down my face, crying by myself...
I intend to stop having a crush on her, it would still be nice if we could at least be friends again.
I was not the same as I had been...
After doing so much for her, it turns out that everything was" harassment" to her.
This semester... these two years went by swift, but not yet the end. Stay tuned!
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrbtDl1VxA
