I was assigned by my professor to do a research about personalities and how each person is different. I instantly went to the library. I smelled the scent of books. My favourite scent. Then, for no particular reason, my guts directed me to a specific book shelf. There were five rows but the farthest one got my attention.
I swiped my fingers through the rows of books. Oh! The touch that makes me giggly and happy. But I stopped because I felt something rough, There I saw a black notebook . It was dusty and old. Some of its pages were torn on the sides but the writings are still visible.
I looked at the first page and there it was written, a symbol, a semicolon.
I was curious and began to read it. It was a diary.
Log 1: Arranged chairs, white walls and wide corridors are all I see every single day. Dusty black boards, gossiping students and judgmental teachers are what I have to deal with in my boring and unessential life.
“Hey Keira!” Laurie said pulling me out of my thoughts. Laurie has been my best friend since the seventh grade. It was a very gloomy past before she came. She is my only friend, the only one who dared to talk to me.
“I’m tired Laurie. I just want to drown myself in my own pool of loneliness.” She pats my shoulder as she purses her lips and says “Don’t be so negative. Just lie and convince yourself that everything will be alright. Sometimes, a good lie is comforting.”
She always tells me that. Lies, lies, she’s all abut lies. She has this sort of weirdness. It’s her only flaw.
I don’t know why but I kept reading and flipping the pages.
Log 2: She glances at me with her alluring blue eyes as she entangles her shiny jet black hair by running her fingers through it. I wish I have her hair, instead of this awful golden curls. I feel a hand on my shoulders and see my teacher looking at me with furrowed brows.
I don’t feel good. I don’t like people staring at me for a long time. I hear Laurie whispers as I rub my fingers against my pearl studs, “Teachers are fake mothers. I hate them so much.” I tell her to keep her mouth shut or else I’ll say hello to detention again.
Log 3: After our class, we walk out of the school and as always, Laurie buys her cigarettes and starts to smoke. “Laurie, how many times should I tell you that smoking is bad for your health? Are you deaf or plainly stubborn to death?” I shrugged and keep my cool even though I’m hurting inside. She’s all I have and I can’t lose her. Doesn’t she know that?
She puff one more time and we give each other goodbye hugs and that’s the end of another day.
My eyes grew tired and I forgot the time. I looked at my watch and it’s already seven in the evening. I asked the librarian to scan it so I can borrow it for the next three days.
“Oh, that’s a nice one. Not everyone understands but I hope you do.” she said as she scanned my book. I went home and fell asleep with the notebook on my hands.
I woke up and excitedly opened the book.
Log 4: Today, as I write my notes on my notebook, I feel a paper hit my head and I look at my left.
Joana, with her sly grin , sticks her tongue out and says “Bookworm! Why are you so ugly?” then everyone laugh.
I take a good long sigh walk towards the bathroom.
I cry and my tears fall downwards from my cheeks and I hear someone open the door and right now, Laurie is standing in front of me. “Are you okay buddy?” she gets her napkin from her pocket and hands it to me.
“Thanks” I wipe my tears and Laurie starts to talk, again, “You know, people might see you as trash but they don’t even know that they are just another empty tin cans. “
I hug her and smelled her scent. She smells like my Mother, my mother who died because of a disease .
“Stop crying. You’re being unfair . Have you ever seen me cried? I shrugged .
“We are strong. That’s what makes us different from them so, don’t drag this team down.”
I always meet heaven and hell every day and I’m fine with it. As long as I have her.
She must have loved her so much. The author of this is good. I said to myself and continued reading.
Log 5: It is Wednesday so I have my history class. As I sit, I notice that my pants are wet. Then i notice the dripping drops of bloody red paint. I look at my back and and I see everyone with their grins and devilish looks that they look like they have won a game. They did. I feel ashamed. I feel nervous. I feel my blood rushing towards my brain and I think I’m exploding.
With my sweaty fingers, I rub my pearl studs and for an instant I am calm. I am better.
“Kiera! What happened to you?” Laurie asked with a creased forehead. She smiled and exited the room. With much surprise I went out of the room to clean myself.
Then as I pass by the corridors, I hear Mr. Perez, my homeroom teacher talking to someone. “She’s different. I think she needs help and this is not just the place for her. Mr. Perez whispers.
I hurriedly run to the bathroom and I see Laurie .
Log 6: “Hey, Please I need your help.”
“I’m sorry but I have to go. “ with that, she disappeared from my sight . Maybe she’s just having a bad day. I’ll give her time. I just helped myself and went straight home.
I went to the library and asked for the lady with rimmed eyeglasses or commonly known as the “librarian”. I rushed to her and asked, “Is this fiction or not? May I know who’s the author? He’s really good. Every words felt real.”
She shrugged and said, “No one knows. That’s why it’s placed on the last shelf. Every book there has no categories; they are just random.”
I did not hear what I wanted to hear but it was enough. I just went on reading with the hope that my questions will be answered when I finish the book.
Log 7: The following days passes by in a blink of an eye and I don’t know what or how but something is wrong. Laurie is acting strange and I don’t even know why. She seems busy all the time that I don’t talk to her anymore.
Log 8: I don’t have someone to confide on anymore. This is too much to bear.
Log 9: I gather all my strength and I try to find her in the campus. I’m now in the garden outside and I see her now. She’s seating below a tree and reading a book but she strangely stares blankly at the flowers.
“ Laurie! Laurie!” I call for her attention and she immediately turns her head to me. I run towards her. I sit myself beside her . “ What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong. I am wrong. “ With that, she stands up and leaves.
Why is my friend being so distant? Why is she like this? I am now sinking with all my worries and doubts.
Log 10: Now, I can’t stop my tears flowing on my cheeks and I just let them be. I need this. I need to let this all out. I open my bag to get my diary and pen. I always write on my diary every single day. I do this because somehow I just pace out .
As I flipped the pages, I noticed a note. A red one that has writings on it and it was tinted with brownish stains.
I AM LAURIE.
I AM KEIRA
I AM LAURIE.
I AM KEIRA
And in the bottom part of the paper, there it is. The words that made me question everything.
I AM A LIE;
As I closed the book, something fell out. A pair or pearl studs.
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