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No Plagiarism!KmNpCOZx9sIq7q4KHK6Bposted on PENANA
(發佈於2023年2月4日)8964 copyright protection196PENANANiVYTvYpPT 維尼
作者:林檎8964 copyright protection196PENANAmRVNkIYzdj 維尼
作品連結:《大小姐今天也在煩惱戀愛的事情!》8964 copyright protection196PENANAle29eaFjeR 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANACq42RI1Saa
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你好,我來把上次寫過的搬運過來,並且加上新的心得。8964 copyright protection196PENANA8MMOdKaNGP 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAXwkxTuXzOi
8964 copyright protection196PENANAxZhUMilhMS 維尼
(黑色字體為新的心得,異色字體為上次的舊心得。)8964 copyright protection196PENANAcvNhrmG93x 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAtAxJcTCe26
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大家好,今天我將爲林檎的作品《大小姐今天也在煩惱戀愛的事情!》留下心得。8964 copyright protection196PENANAMTVCv90glC 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAb6cwyHfnS1
8964 copyright protection196PENANAnGh5nSPbXo 維尼
首先,先説明一下我對於心得的想法。8964 copyright protection196PENANAtsBn1mgNpc 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA53OouTj7mF
8964 copyright protection196PENANAZCOXhtdoHi 維尼
在這個寫得好並不代表一定有人氣的環境,我希望我的心得不是單純地挖掘作者可進步的點,還希望作者能夠獲得動力完成作品,甚至……8964 copyright protection196PENANApgFflflOim 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAFu8MmqGdeZ
8964 copyright protection196PENANADKOjNjTe7g 維尼
……能夠讓我的心得替這部作品召來更多讀者。8964 copyright protection196PENANAnbEyazdY8c 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9iq3b969E
8964 copyright protection196PENANAdiOFqwBIkq 維尼
有鑒於此,本心得將會分爲兩個部分:8964 copyright protection196PENANAwD8pxTiBKu 維尼
1)寫給讀者的宣傳式心得8964 copyright protection196PENANAaQwwarr9rP 維尼
2)面向作者的分享式心得8964 copyright protection196PENANAdL9KAV88V0 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA15a6MXaVhI
8964 copyright protection196PENANAH6quv3Erxf 維尼
事不宜遲,現在開始。8964 copyright protection196PENANATjpxryb2iP 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAMPtl8F0P1G
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200Please respect copyright.PENANAWqDDARk9LM
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1)寫給讀者的宣傳式心得8964 copyright protection196PENANAjCXksXppn4 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAtI018XzNyW
8964 copyright protection196PENANAHLEw8wiylZ 維尼
首先,《大小姐今天也在煩惱戀愛的事情!》是個怎樣的故事?8964 copyright protection196PENANADppCtI5LDY 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA4ioJhM8t6e
8964 copyright protection196PENANAMegZV6mXeO 維尼
依我所閲讀的範圍,這是一個關於女主角席娜是位最强魔法天才,但在戀愛方面卻是個最弱智障,再加上戀愛觀異於常人的軍師泰莉亞,因而闖出鬧劇的故事。8964 copyright protection196PENANAOWKi4CaOxX 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA2bvKN7Om1K
8964 copyright protection196PENANAcqCJenXlTH 維尼
説得直白點,就是一堆聽不懂人話的角色們聚在一起,演出了一套嚴肅搞笑戀愛喜劇。8964 copyright protection196PENANA0YTz7CMjAE 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA5HilIM4YSV
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這部作品每章的字數約在2000左右,劇情推展穩妥,對白設計也不會囉嗦,文筆也讓人讀得舒服。8964 copyright protection196PENANABcEoiYj0ez 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAIsk77jVFE4
8964 copyright protection196PENANACSVyQLWJn0 維尼
如果你是在能夠集中精神閲讀的狀態,例如正在悠閑地喝著下午茶,想要找本書閲讀,那麽我非常推薦這部作品。8964 copyright protection196PENANAmVviM9jMR1 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA9g5wVbhmlm
8964 copyright protection196PENANAOUJqdtCug0 維尼
但如若你只有短短的零碎時間,那就不太適合了。8964 copyright protection196PENANAaoJHylNw6X 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAwkuIqGae3R
8964 copyright protection196PENANA0K0XIlonEL 維尼
畢竟這部作品需要一些沉浸度,才能品味出角色之間的有趣對白。特別當角色A在挖苦角色B時,作者不會明顯説出誰在挖苦誰,而是讓角色利用對白演出來。8964 copyright protection196PENANADgjagLkDdm 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAkA79PXhbCd
8964 copyright protection196PENANAoidSmIwIVn 維尼
在這裏,我也對作品的前五章節(1-1至1-5)給與高度評價。這並非我自己信口胡説,數據也證明這一點:8964 copyright protection196PENANAJrx4V6eJv8 維尼
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直到1-5章節,仍留住了四分之一的讀者,而喜歡數更是誇張。8964 copyright protection196PENANAe6n3yO8KEG 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAmybUsaLa8h
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不只推薦給讀者,我也在此推薦給苦於如何寫好開頭的作者們。8964 copyright protection196PENANAgzzplSeZtR 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANATj8rmDI6Dt
8964 copyright protection196PENANALBCwiWEofx 維尼
還有雖然只標榜第一卷完結,但故事也好好地完成了一個段落,大家可以當作一卷完結的短篇小説來放心閲讀。8964 copyright protection196PENANA7XQOJ9gD0G 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAqtsbtm6QBa
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這篇宣傳式心得發佈前,其實我悄悄記錄了作品的數據資料,再拿來跟現今的資料對比。8964 copyright protection196PENANAiXNiF2k4xU 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANASIO61ZfS3J
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書籤數:從35增加至458964 copyright protection196PENANACCPz1aFoo8 維尼
喜歡數:從556增加至6848964 copyright protection196PENANAHRFmHbzB3N 維尼
閱讀數:從3.4K增加至4.1K8964 copyright protection196PENANAsEtULzi785 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAg9rePn9P7E
8964 copyright protection196PENANA3PpLKKp7DK 維尼
恭喜兩星期内人氣大幅增加!8964 copyright protection196PENANAkeOy7k5256 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAtnmIGpTcfW
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實際上,這篇宣傳式心得究竟幫助了多少,我就不得而知了,希望至少貢獻了一點點吧……👉👈8964 copyright protection196PENANAZhmpUcjT9A 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAEQpeOpiVYY
8964 copyright protection196PENANANnkuGznm6Y 維尼
宣傳式心得其實沒什麽改變,接下來進入寫給作者的分享式心得。8964 copyright protection196PENANABHSLdNDsmw 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAMuHgyfe4hb
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200Please respect copyright.PENANAxZPeiOHRbW
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2)寫給作者的分享式心得(劇透慎閲)8964 copyright protection196PENANAf9TCRhy1wr 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAFQaQUqBz1u
8964 copyright protection196PENANArHMykQctHI 維尼
其實……説是寫給作者,但也是寫給現有讀者的心得。8964 copyright protection196PENANAW42rZYUKJw 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANABYg5Mx1rKz
8964 copyright protection196PENANAShlCTRWgio 維尼
由於閲讀範圍只有前兩萬字左右,我只能寫一些一般作者都想知道的讀者想法。8964 copyright protection196PENANAbFEVNGkflA 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAtUKwLfl7iA
8964 copyright protection196PENANAXOkC1SE8Lp 維尼
這方面的切入點有好幾個,但關於劇情、文筆、節奏之類的,上面已經敘述,就不再重複。8964 copyright protection196PENANAc5IEGT9OKM 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAuIZHg0h3Xo
8964 copyright protection196PENANArryDEQa2Yb 維尼
如今閱畢第一卷,劇情有始有終,文筆到最後也依然舒服,節奏方面也隨故事走勢而有起有伏,個人覺得是一部可以拿去參賽,並且有潛力獲獎的作品。8964 copyright protection196PENANACLLCeUEBsA 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAK5m4tXeOdO
8964 copyright protection196PENANAJtdcppFoLm 維尼
角川比賽沒拿獎實屬可惜,可能……庫雷因跟伊登之間的BL調味料略顯不夠……開玩笑啦~8964 copyright protection196PENANAjIymnoVgaa 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAKHQ7gfR1n5
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接下來就看作者本身的想法了,是要繼續創作這個故事的第二卷呢?還是另起爐灶創作新故事參加別的比賽呢?8964 copyright protection196PENANAAwk2iHAoaZ 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAuaMDPnqoHQ
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個人覺得不論哪條路都有希望獲得成就,一切由作者自己決定。8964 copyright protection196PENANAXqstLQNmfU 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAeouNCzyeBK
8964 copyright protection196PENANAsJHTqsrh7c 維尼
話說回頭,我對於劇情還是有些想法,會在下面通過角色來敘説。8964 copyright protection196PENANAa9BiIegoEV 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAtysiC2kdmS
8964 copyright protection196PENANAbLuJkAC0qM 維尼
首先,來説説女角色。8964 copyright protection196PENANA6iFfAzoKQH 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAr1Rgx3G0dR
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女主席娜,魔法天才但戀愛白癡,這種反差萌是挺可愛的,期待未來的表現。還有很可惜,她不是我最喜歡的女角色。8964 copyright protection196PENANAI2X22GsHO8 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAddYVPuF2hk
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最喜歡的女角色,那當然是泰莉亞了。活了三百年的龍女,成熟御姐的魅力,實在令人無法擋。同時我也很喜歡她異於常人的戀愛觀,若沒有她的餿主意,這部作品的魅力肯定少了一半。8964 copyright protection196PENANAxTBSOOdkGu 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAE1M05CnSJV
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還是最喜歡泰莉亞~~~8964 copyright protection196PENANAvHgM27UZB2 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAGe998NQhgn
8964 copyright protection196PENANAmcn59WyXwp 維尼
然後登場的還有艾莉絲,説真的一開始登場只記得那張燦爛笑容的插圖,之後覺得她有趣的,就是在圖書館與人偶的相遇。8964 copyright protection196PENANAxT5Uu24Kde 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAIbWg6IcRA9
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那段破膛開肚出現的場面,還挺令人印象深刻,可謂加分許多。8964 copyright protection196PENANAwaqPAAj86N 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA55uAIMjHIk
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再加上流民的身份,似乎有些秘密在其中。8964 copyright protection196PENANA1zph2RotgK 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAcHYLacqOpH
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期待她與小黑更多的互動。8964 copyright protection196PENANAT1CPQlF6gO 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAlTRbB21ULf
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然後來説説男角色。8964 copyright protection196PENANAFPhQn91REz 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAhxEPrywfcZ
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男角方面,我個人最喜歡的就是人偶,名字應該叫做黑嗎?這位角色的性格可謂非常鮮明,才剛出場就吸引了我,似乎之後會鬧出大事,非常期待。8964 copyright protection196PENANAFSanwbuvpN 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA92qLWhSnyG
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可惜小黑在宴會中沒什麽特別表現,我個人很喜歡小黑的人設,希望作者以後能讓他有更多戲份。8964 copyright protection196PENANAWWqTegcuio 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANABzylYYrn9e
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相比起最喜歡,最不喜歡的就是庫雷因了,畢竟實力又强大又受女生歡迎,就像龍傲天或言情小説裏的男主那樣。8964 copyright protection196PENANAWCa7de5fOc 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAUmJgx5Zefh
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當然,這只是個人的看法,不必太在意。8964 copyright protection196PENANAhK5jOGYEX7 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAnWIr9G3rjC
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如果很在意,我建議可以儘早加個令人印象深刻的弱點。害怕女人這個弱點不行,就像很有錢的人在喊窮,只是令我個人更不喜歡……8964 copyright protection196PENANADX8vS14xEF 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA23nfQqvYLs
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謎底揭曉了,原來是因爲魅惑魔法。8964 copyright protection196PENANAKKwnMlzeDd 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAdXKCykJkX0
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好吧,沒那麽討厭了,但還説不上喜歡,可能前面負面形象太嚴重~~8964 copyright protection196PENANA8abphmM1mY 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAtGJRxNDqJp
8964 copyright protection196PENANAcjK32yBYyw 維尼
還有女主暗戀的對象拉提,暫時沒什麽令人印象深刻的點,期待以後的表現?8964 copyright protection196PENANADMBgfyitpW 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAFTaYCsOzr0
8964 copyright protection196PENANAb1iW50nJDj 維尼
我覺得我犯了很多人的迷思,就擅自覺得女主角暗戀的對象應該是男主角。8964 copyright protection196PENANAjrI6ssRL54 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA6r30YP9mME
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閱畢第一卷,我才發現拉提就是個配角,庫雷因才是男主角。8964 copyright protection196PENANAG43ZShPP7W 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAKQg0eRmBTo
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那麽……拉提也算是個稱職的配角了,這是褒獎不是批評。8964 copyright protection196PENANAtrSicbCeBP 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA76nU45rV4j
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最後再加個人物,也就是伊登。8964 copyright protection196PENANAI7KcSO8Ryq 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAV0MFEx6Pav
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一開始登場,只是以爲他是庫雷因的好基友,但原來……8964 copyright protection196PENANAA46YGMb6GV 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA11YFMHBllm
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當綫索開始導向獨角商會時,我就隱隱感覺伊登有問題,甚至是幕後黑手。8964 copyright protection196PENANAUy4WjOjtF3 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAx5l2xNpIdk
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在這裏想請問作者,是特地安排得讓讀者比較容易猜到呢?8964 copyright protection196PENANA3UdGoJm9t8 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAvrhIG2vLAw
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還是原本打算在宴會才揭曉伊登是幕後黑手,令讀者們嚇一跳呢?8964 copyright protection196PENANATXSJppOCdX 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAqf0IMigPBf
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等作者回答後,再繼續探究好了。8964 copyright protection196PENANAsEQaczCDvZ 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANApf5DcakSIR
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前面説過,我給予前五章高度評價,那是因爲……問題出在1-6章節 守夜人小隊的新隊員。8964 copyright protection196PENANADAy44tLZVe 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAbyjs2j0pAG
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目前的主流寫法,就是設定必須透過故事呈現出來。8964 copyright protection196PENANAHBEWkwZ5pg 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAzZvDUXUhlq
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而很明顯,1-6章節就是通過新人隊員入隊的情節,介紹故事設定。問題就在於……感覺到作者的刻意,一看就知道是要介紹故事設定。8964 copyright protection196PENANAVezdkCg8bH 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAu8FhQml1KB
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好,還可以更好。下次可以思考看看,如何不露痕跡地通過劇情,自然地讓讀者明瞭故事的一些設定。8964 copyright protection196PENANAzRoGaN0Flh 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAt1VOTApKdq
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遺憾的是……閱讀完1-6章節,我唯一記得的,就是艾莉絲的笑容,也就是那張插圖。8964 copyright protection196PENANAS2ylxdBpXe 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAF5XeWanvDe
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平時閲讀小説,我們就是在聽作者説故事,但在第1-6章節,我們卻是在聽作者說故事裏的尤裏烏斯説故事。8964 copyright protection196PENANArUzQKAtlSG 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAfM1MEqoU0h
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換句話説,我們平時只需要想象作者的故事。但如今,卻變成我們在想象作者故事裏的尤裏烏斯時,還要再想象尤裏烏斯所説的故事,想象中的想象……實在難倒我了。8964 copyright protection196PENANAHIi0bclZPt 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAfnZj4yuiQY
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如果前五章我給四到五星的評價,那麽1-6章節在對比之下,就只能給個二星了。8964 copyright protection196PENANApNwVupE7Lq 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAdiEAxyucQ0
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當然,如今這個時代,提出問題卻不提出解決的方案,是會被人討厭的或被解決的。8964 copyright protection196PENANAO5jxhZyulx 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6VGsZFVdS
8964 copyright protection196PENANAKDZaFNVELO 維尼
在不改動劇情的前提下,建議可以利用魔法或道具之類的,像虛擬現實般讓艾莉絲親身經歷尤裏烏斯所説的情景。如此一來,我們也能通過艾麗絲的視野,更加清楚瞭解故事設定之類。8964 copyright protection196PENANAWiL0WcfRww 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAgCRfrfuBLt
8964 copyright protection196PENANAo6Vqjztlw7 維尼
還有新增的劇情心得,就是關於伊登,個人覺得描寫稍微不足的,就是他作爲反派的動機。8964 copyright protection196PENANAqX9agMUhav 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA9XbrFikK0I
8964 copyright protection196PENANAc60P3Y2SPT 維尼
哦?因爲死了妹妹?就這樣?8964 copyright protection196PENANASOT03RCvl8 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAwp3UnBLjIA
8964 copyright protection196PENANA7Pwoqiiizi 維尼
不是説死了妹妹就不該復仇,而是……少了點共感。儘管我不是很喜歡庫雷因,但伊登也無法讓我感受到他的仇恨。8964 copyright protection196PENANA0UxaPz2IQ3 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAnFseXgTl9L
8964 copyright protection196PENANAJgInVFkafX 維尼
換句話說,死了妹妹就要報仇,邏輯上有共鳴,但情感上沒有共鳴。8964 copyright protection196PENANAyM1By3TwDV 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAXH6P8Lv1eA
8964 copyright protection196PENANA2aAPPhJXMc 維尼
伊登的回憶幾乎都在5-1章節,而這一章就跟1-6同一個問題,無法通過角色的視野感同身受。8964 copyright protection196PENANAQhS4q2coGL 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAOXtr9faCMl
8964 copyright protection196PENANA7YdQ3ANWvg 維尼
就像上面所説,如今這個時代,提出問題卻不提出解決的方案,是會被人討厭的或被解決的。8964 copyright protection196PENANAnwRFwEwR7e 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAjXDWQVkVRL
8964 copyright protection196PENANAveF0YgnZJW 維尼
我的建議是當伊登在宴會中行動時,也許可以讓妹妹的聲音在伊登腦海中響起,加強讀者與伊登的共鳴。8964 copyright protection196PENANA4H77DKlXbt 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAasK28kzYuM
8964 copyright protection196PENANAuPGWUcD6et 維尼
妹妹的什麼聲音?8964 copyright protection196PENANAAyxAREFDlS 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANA0jTeBlxCqD
8964 copyright protection196PENANAD6yJu7ORf2 維尼
例如可以讓「開口閉口都是金髮男孩」那段話出現在腦海中,甚至還有妹妹知道魅惑魔法後的傷心話語,以及隱隱透露想尋死的話語。8964 copyright protection196PENANAGraSG4Jv8n 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAJK3lq9NRz2
8964 copyright protection196PENANAn8VcaiXxYU 維尼
或者,將「遺落在河邊的鞋子」這個場面加以描述,然後一直浮現在伊登腦海中。8964 copyright protection196PENANAcAhPqFy8c7 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAUhvy1gYRVR
8964 copyright protection196PENANAFubNpaHkge 維尼
如此一來,就能讓讀者更加感受到伊登成爲反派的强烈動機。8964 copyright protection196PENANAgl478I2EzD 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAh8MonU3Y0g
8964 copyright protection196PENANATnZRkaoti4 維尼
想説的就這些,作者圖文雙修辛苦了,請繼續加油,也要多加注意手腕健康!8964 copyright protection196PENANAWqJx4SZHc2 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANAwyO8F63C5r
8964 copyright protection196PENANAmqNhGzSApr 維尼
希望作者在創作之路越走越遠,也魅惑越來越多讀者~8964 copyright protection196PENANAUUsVXLBhNf 維尼
200Please respect copyright.PENANApLBOEzC6Mc
8964 copyright protection196PENANAUpTc5HYT9q 維尼
172.70.179.54
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