INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSTOj60UyH
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YofA3546j
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfOS2QxD4D
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbd1wswZOi
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62aJDMeL7K
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAp1wc7kEdb
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡps03NsNEJ1
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4PrDaZURd
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BCVKOox89
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymoqOT07jb
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZ3FpBNOS1
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9SR0IFTzl
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatjH3aai8M
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nPKvBbBtS
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobZFjSBxnx
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlP3FLF0ti2
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6w5g613NF
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rp2reTiKF
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdk0YASFBu
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkoaZIw8Qa
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuFWWiYLZO
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiCJQ649X2
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQwx53hem1
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPN1tZKgI1
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdImaJuAji
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXo9X7KGnWL
You've met?
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd20zmDiySR
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4t2UxnGNA
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKxCbczFMH
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKdrrljwNC
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9HC8PF8nh
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ843eJ57HHX
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVJFZrGTMp
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIAB7yAz9b
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnYkbQlbyA
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkC61raeZN
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5dIWaLVU2
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4Od8SFnvB
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wYxNliSJl
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkEg0gmVkI
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjd5SitCRY
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wxXslc8wH
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27U2SPytTQ
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTX7aUDEtB9
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZd1CB4OoN
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSHl9a3oqm
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPE32Nz3hbY
I know that already!
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmgbHsEphN
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0InChGHy0
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgY88ZyeT1f
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqb3QmEoaT
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgDPFFZrJf
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIk6ROEmnL
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bzpRrZ8VN
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0k1rjhv4Ke
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8bcyOXfPS
No you're not!
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SHARON258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcS0RkauUNZ
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkURpipWkK
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq61vtgoUu
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61QIGM9mDH
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRNczxowpO
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGc8GGrK1PE
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGhWtMd7pR
What?
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNfz6U5WOl
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatCQ0XRDHb
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWtUPhWrK5
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0kEMkO3ZU
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvAumKgNUz
Long enough.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMiBmULeNq
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8eVa39Twn
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfD4GnKJ3mI
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK327AQzRyi
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3EovAd4fI
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUs93EzXpZi
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxF2UwYni5j
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkO7VlJ9HrP
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2YVvzEdAc
Well, if you insist.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTg9m3qzKBP
GREGORY takes the ring.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0skdDPjBk
GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFb8aMx8rC
Thank you.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvwLs46Vsv
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdm6fcjWZI9
GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNF97fwFPY
Does this mean you want me back?
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMeEWIHBQG
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBDlC7nN9M
HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrTJMtaMT3
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdkfoURwlF
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpliJYvFcQ
GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9MPHjQNZf
Well you can't have me.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTvaOtOl3H
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIBg3ZV0f9
HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEs6VcBid8
WHAT?
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVd7Cy5CUWB
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMR0k3OYzq
GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTFTJlp2ul
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW235nZy8Lo
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCZ5mZcRVM
HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx67yX7F2mE
But...
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2IrpcS5o2
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfA8iDWPZWU
GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsGQtA4Iu4
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOscf0fldM8
CHANTAL grins.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnNzNlUyZ4
HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfz7ome0fn
But...
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyt8FkM115G
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7Jet4BWx2
CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2Z2F0Vk7M
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjDtbkJU8b
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppZEIPL0I3
HARRY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJ9U9tU636
Gregory?
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTt8Vr2eh8
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGk3ryPDa0w
GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6JDEyZMjI
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpvwgytS6C
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACqjmaEyp3
CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRAFi89FUE
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Qlo2Y212T
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqWoYPDIo6
GREGORY258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BAaec5ZCZ
Of course you are!
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOj9swE5M2
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0zdL22Ga8
CHANTAL258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG0NA6Brec
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbdCemkNLK
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCtuFx0cEU
THE END
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