（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8EncvnwIp
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mWfLwIzkk
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlDcDRqmHK
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTe3NsuH21c
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACPFyYtxvs
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLpaJsZtBg
我滿意點頭。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVziTcSi5qj
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqLqyfPPYF
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxD4dYop1Q
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhj4w1fNAGg
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqOc7vk2WD
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGk4XJsL08
「不知貴不貴？」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTDefXOkG4
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3SEs3qOYY
「應該還好。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpLIGhxjIj
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhry8arEpac
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiR8zEIZM3E
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyakfW9r6h9
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHFhsTZ109
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqQ3V2U1WB
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfow9x302Xk
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMOQ08gFDd
我震驚了。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyZxuwgZCq
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg21iuY0xPG
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3T8n6ZtHr
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmykUCVd7Q
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNJhx4ihIR
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIn2vucO1EB
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSj4Z9uHyl
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4SIL9l8Sq
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZBmuHmkB2
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReOrvl3bHZ
What the hell?769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ160nNbKdKW
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCDGMryAJl
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgzAwQdYsD
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpwxf0Rc1k
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDibOagaMNs
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMn8axH6tx
嘶——769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡII3lhQ51eD
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmb77ZhBHHO
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sRSIGG7Xk
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8p4Vg2si1
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPKhsfNs0Q
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhYhRwP3Gh
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VrfiJd6lM
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZZeaY7swr
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrYvFwfAZs
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtf0pgT5Q7
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRuOx08vqM
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjs2NZRV6Va
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdac7GVkWeK
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutmMgThp59
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDyttTy7yf
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2luHaL4jP
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVoSg7dsq5
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3Lxjd9ZPJ
然而高個子不為所動！769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqe2buseGP6
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsc2e7FI9zX
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwJQ9zIpMT
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppCPB16PNh
高個子依然面不改色！769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIX1MLC8b6W
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiMcUfPnvS
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcT4MuUGnZ
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7pFKFaWci
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfb08wd3QH
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xb04In3Ne
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPfWZ71Ysd
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJzIRzo9xT
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RZp0Z2kIj
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5M06sE1U24
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBHB3dKbnG
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E3ae5EWVL
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEOOiBzbBm
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDJgwS5WVs
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPUXyX406y
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7M3MDVCd2
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM84rg0ibtQ
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡua5KmXgct8
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPowlgU2Cp
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3IoAnX1a5
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzwAwmK6K0
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwG4Zxwfx7
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuA9lwjl1Hy
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kcxP0ovkR
「所以不能吃嗎？」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaN2VY1OXHu
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBHB2qswlC
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Yqihp04LH
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YUoXgw5Bl
「但我餓了。」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSomE5x0d3
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeu5tdeXHR
「……」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJBl2sE3su
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3MkKaI9LB
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqf4e0wemp
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7G8K6MF06
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oJMFIQT5S
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPiJEaoJcl
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfI794qx77q
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhOk5oYRFX
「小語……小語……」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vCga3wnoQ
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTVFf7FlQ3
Gya——769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtEAaS4Us7
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWyetbCWMs
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2GITVNlZP
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVADaePKFEp
They are fucking gay!769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsu4bq1kffZ
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBoaARu7pg
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BwwntHMNO
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNdGmuuOIX
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2nWAtC7Hu
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Y3lWuTlUc
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmh5ZR7hFD
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgY35NiIi0U
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO0H2tQN4u
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlSknPKAHp
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVR4vf3cilr
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhugcH4jxV7
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghiTVsYfRF
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOiZkW0d4b
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAcq28zirT
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDwbpj1l0D
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaVNxzdTUe
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
769Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAW5o0Hmfs
