（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lCZSKE6iL
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzVmhfbL0M
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6GdR7Oqj2
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0Dcukn4AB
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7oMcwLTix
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFFFHcHsvg
我滿意點頭。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJzpsmeOTb
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgTdh8P80k
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudzcO2EmaB
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOlxAgCoub
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8yXpLse7y
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEd4bfMj9C
「不知貴不貴？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tD1x8UNse
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPQVIhTq0L
「應該還好。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKf6zm5gQQF
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCS8Aa1EL3c
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SslyOcIun
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZKGfzWW9w
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ422kOcJYot
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDy7gm8nvG
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p8QNMYAAr
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAsM9eJAuF
我震驚了。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPqTt7b9vX
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydRL5TCtyb
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIN6DFPdzir
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2PWhS88cE
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqqWx1sj2x
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW24nCXyS1A
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYsAGM9keS
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡott4NtIEGR
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxPlAQKIQ9
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrqRVg0yGO
What the hell?826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjK8tFTBL5
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYZcvQ5Hi6
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOdLqwrWV7
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWkNODckNf
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOyzLEPPaR
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbfERg0FA9
嘶——826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt1oJeW4IB
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ158HMn4n6I
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DUFIyJfQt
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Zr3gWwNsj
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwE0gXMEkIa
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRx3NSqe6DA
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMr2Kmc4B6
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkzeryFuxA
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFo9CVInQjx
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ujHIRpIWi
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMQ22tjuBF
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbK0DAYWuQ
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhXCE6lfWQ
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLsX50lzad
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJK8Pzaeio
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSj0sUW1e9L
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6JGChocAZ
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9BqKO2wGx
然而高個子不為所動！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWwK2fII0y
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWmrn3svrP
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuRypgyJ03
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RZjWksfwt
高個子依然面不改色！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExSTdsI8Sj
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaoOfZOt2R
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyT75qSvJN
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTftW7Kcyxq
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYi1LdcPL9
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBWkkri6KH
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7S43FPY3GJ
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QHDk6A5c1
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH23pNGaxaE
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUewhHZd0ne
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QCsx317ZE
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOnOBMlPPW
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHvRa9JCyA
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNo4QJZIVW
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KYyH8n5dj
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIsLjTIgq0
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1SKP3S4kr
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvZ4rWJhFn
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1WjGw7h0v
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFIPRvuV5A
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPE1c3p8n0
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYUr1WZeLG
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuqWWqGmC4
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBwZcpZTi8
「所以不能吃嗎？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35UJcOzD1n
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMe4hNQ3fDz
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZVyT8Z8lD
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bqKnBUE6s
「但我餓了。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vT7PByV10
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wWiUvzqzF
「……」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYWe6KHvCG
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzQ2AUteB8
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKv9yOdRx9E
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuv0CjaHgGM
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixJ7gt1Aaz
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzVoB6oFhl
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7fK2vzfMB
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuSWbC9JBU
「小語……小語……」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdzGh0seK6
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeN3Hyeh903
Gya——826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5sHpzrjRL
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3H8EVKjBh
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA79VTgKorL
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvxg9JBjdG
They are fucking gay!826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxEy9cMzt8
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahORQYWLo9
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CN1WYSnbU
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEuEevMC3J
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkrYL4m46f
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl60eqtpMaB
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5wb47Fss8
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWg5OG8AtN
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteFb6aTv0B
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsN8GvDYBR7
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8dOnyRYYx
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKC5OxVpzL8
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFEkvF0Ocb
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHgYpd4vfM
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pAYbFupJH
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lcgqhGnyX
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6DafPxUN8
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuAI0ZBgPx
