（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHvIVfAtBo
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCTmT8VRnK
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lqp4jImSP
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdM72qtCsr
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我滿意點頭。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAD4HRAWRk
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很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81laSXAKc0
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB904I45WKH
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlka2d7C71y
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「不知貴不貴？」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2X4WBEj5qY
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZGJvANyPv
「應該還好。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZ3YxNUdoo
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWu7HhFItD
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3EkpRKIef
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuLljuPBmC
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5luLkK1SS
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gVUk8AH9b
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BGEH51BPZ
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53jtT9AgHG
我震驚了。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97uChMawYe
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukU8NiTNvE
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwb59TII4gR
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTVUv1pZW3
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTS8pRX9mAS
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrJSxS5iop
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz15i14kZ2D
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynxCHm1cq7
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxEy1FYKlB
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwz0GaDKj6
What the hell?864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WMvxMUi0A
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflHjL20n7b
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6Q5GLsbtO
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrZPVYjhV5
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mfVdAp5np
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嘶——864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡct2M5SZEGB
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTeRz0O9vn
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGlW3wF7nl
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfg1OnrLUUC
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DYLisi2ZW
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdQvDHSMVQ
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0AcqjkE88
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmhiCMYPnQ
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUzOsXzldk
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdb9G2Gdgig
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnbQF6r4X1
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHmhAcm43U
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk1aeQyXNp
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWT9dYGrgA
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzD66tmlgv
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKFiDpTBLu
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpadKNbH4n
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然而高個子不為所動！864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4zDI1zIjW
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我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgX8tzLEHoz
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWmKcQ9jrO
高個子依然面不改色！864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSx2jYj0BM
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpHFdHQkz0
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8VdtEZlNA
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkJVeuIfXP
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUuUEgiUfi
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這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGRVS6vF6L
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo6Z80n3XL
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6sfjZKCBB
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdnTCtpGSO
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfiv33AMVh
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6ExANyCH5
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSapIcPULk
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aNMYgx8MB
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaozN8P0NgV
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzPSQiEtzN
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTe5de244u
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這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hCOHKMNSj
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「為什麼要擺那包零食？」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1L1CmdyopJ
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczYEB6dGu4
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTm8hRIj1y
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「所以不能吃嗎？」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRhglXaIlZ
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「不能，吃了就沒用了。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwZoQPbfov
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「但我餓了。」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghj2smwFUd
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「……」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbnqnH8Pz3
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ipEsJ0iyB
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmTRvGXkft
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eXiJAolYq
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2wqgEgcsM
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuXrQJHd0u
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycdjETlzxM
「小語……小語……」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbU345uiYqE
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Gya——864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PKgRv2N1C
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYaN4b7bYn
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They are fucking gay!864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHA2OHyEwI
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這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtyd0MUyJh
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPhFwfPOTs
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Qq45uS0MA
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BUhEnNynO
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNqHJDfJ7B
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhasoKXWcq
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vjA2A7mwg
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSovWA5D9b0
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQfYEQFspq
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkoDygxGNj
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmPJtBfdiF
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyRdgiXloq
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLfcz3mNXm
864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XEbQeR1Cv
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）864Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiMjahO9EH
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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