（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KOxELSWVH
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNss8t5JmJ
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLReTnvpqWT
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmK8XggFXHS
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我滿意點頭。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRON4KBBai
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很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTIsWYruqc
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBMyI3MXki
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uLGz9gjQn
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmmXjnyCjb
「不知貴不貴？」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYOE9GtBha
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTMIixhFUG
「應該還好。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXiEZwhOix
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9tPcRjjEW
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHEVl70Jqp
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8XiOfk5oO
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDenuXdNTe
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMcjLuSdOT
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUyyyHp97W
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我震驚了。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7PywE6lgE
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoM33HGsc0
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtGZWr9nrO
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehcDbALfL5
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVZ6DZkAzv
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFTUjRMrqL
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcr8XXjxJQ
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiV4auHavIP
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArAaefsUgH
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNmpHw6wGo
What the hell?774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp4EVyaun0
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMs1WDqUqa
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWiU3DpB51
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZWyLElgQV
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkq50Z8lceQ
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嘶——774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUA3fA7GrEh
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZwXbnBHJL
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeK9ApP5DL
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEqgOiEGNV
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAWmUgxAE0
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GiKSzrRZx
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyGLcnCeSU
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupmBplqVay
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcscX40rMi
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKhMNAwqB6
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRaNW1dkTM
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhlWD6AyBX
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4ixTfPhxn
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74lGWzdSjR
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7Dua8Qj97
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlzW4v7Cbc
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMgleD86m4
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2W63vmBxz
然而高個子不為所動！774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SPf9yY7RS
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQHa0FjqVV
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAaJWrkjUM
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH92rWT3q4U
高個子依然面不改色！774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIK28NHo7e
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMDHdJ7UAv
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpswFSaJXWG
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62jD6kDNNt
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJMu5YKlW2
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNn3B1fNejC
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMXs0hGKae
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gO09AsZfV
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2j0BhAXOKg
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyTy1Ta4Fi
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpn0cnwPRG
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kkWkWQ88z
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VP9gJ2Chb
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mcPnppitx
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWc97gdwJI
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIfqe1nPsU
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTn8kVrjjv
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBnudMnFaZ
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ff5vjGid3
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aTduD7CdW
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGinHD9vsDK
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqMHkIzrGE
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYojhiNOyi7
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「所以不能吃嗎？」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCc60RtnFc6
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JaIjOO81f
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfSF9h2wO7
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「但我餓了。」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bQACmW84B
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「……」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbtgszudzK
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYasEzshmdD
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哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAaBHWy11o
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdsfzgaxhK
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgfjYSwXxw
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCjxpL9xd6
「小語……小語……」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIpjO851EZ
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Gya——774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlE6Z3tyLLA
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VuFkR5Zzz
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They are fucking gay!774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sjlvtRnrY
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這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6U0lj6dXli
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpSYZxTlGg
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHI1sTaDJxt
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gTqlBH7jF
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHySuj5FLac
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpC5X5Fhtyy
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6nLPBjCEE
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxTqBPMMsK
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0B2mhFDCf
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qlrOlxaJ5
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA2n6JzcWB
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDUtGhFV6c
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZC8gge0oIH
774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsy9B4ggYU
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）774Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAvdynpHtI
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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